A hand washes a hand - about family well-being. Family prosperity service Family prosperity
Conditions for creating a sustainable family union
Family welfare is central to the consideration of marriage. The main conditions for the well-being of a family in our minds are: mutual understanding between spouses, a separate apartment, material well-being, children in the family and an interesting, well-paid job for the spouses. True, the order of values for men and women is somewhat different. Practical men in the first and second places put a separate apartment and material well-being, after which they put mutual understanding between spouses, children and interesting work... Women gave priority to mutual understanding, children, and then a separate apartment, material well-being and interesting work.
V. Matthews and K. Mikhanovich as a result of studying a very wide range of realities family life found the ten most important differences between happy and unhappy marital relationships. It turned out that in unhappy families the spouses:
· Do not think alike on many issues and problems.
· Poor understanding of the feelings of others.
· Speak words that annoy the other.
· Often feel unloved.
· Pay no attention to the other.
· Feel dissatisfied with the need for trust.
· Feel the need for someone to trust.
· Rarely compliment each other.
· Are forced to often give in to the opinion of another.
· Want more love.
There are two reasons for dissatisfaction with marital relationships: myths about an ideal marriage and the inconsistency of these myths with the realities of life. The following beliefs are widespread among American married couples:
· In a happy marriage, romantic love lasts forever.
· My partner must understand what I want and what I need, without words.
· Good sex should be spontaneous and emotional.
· If my partner (partner) suits me, then this will help me to cope with my feelings of inferiority.
· My partner will always be on my side in any dispute or conflict.
· If our sex life does not satisfy us, this proves that there is no strong love in a relationship.
· In a good marriage, spouses never argue with each other.
· Marriage will greatly improve my life at no cost, expense or hardship on my part.
As a result of incorrect thinking based on these myths, one of the spouses makes categorical demands on the other. Anxiety arises from the following thoughts:
He (a) should not do this, and it is terrible if he (a) continues to act in the same spirit,
I will not be able to stand it if the situation does not change
· He / she is bad because he refuses to change. Usually this kind of thinking is interpreted as a false belief. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking only annoys the partner, who, most likely, will continue to do the same in the future.
Rationally - a thinking person recognizes the validity of his expectations and wishes in relation to his partner. But you should not elevate your desires to the rank of requirements, and turn your expectations into orders. Having put forward unlawful demands on a partner, later the person will certainly begin to experience irrational anger. When both partners in anger accuse each other of all sorts of sins, the anxiety only intensifies and the vicious circle closes.
V happy marriages spouses deliberately develop a philosophy of family relationships that allows them to calmly coexist with their partner, value him, and at the same time express themselves and their own needs for personal growth.
From the point of view of American psychologists, family happiness requires a rather limited set of purely psychological conditions. This:
· Normal conflict-free communication;
· Trust and empathy (effective sympathy for another);
· Understanding each other;
Normal intimate life;
· The presence of a home (where you can take a break from the complexities of life);
From these studies, certain conditions for family happiness: the desire to eliminate possible contradictions, the ability to look at events and circumstances from the perspective of another, a high culture of communication, constant consideration of the views and opinions of another, tireless demonstration of love, genuine trust in each other, a high degree of mutual understanding, mutual admiration and mutual compliance.
The next important component of the quality of a marriage is its sustainability. Assessment of the stability, strength of marriage is one of the most important characteristics of the family's lifestyle. V.A. Sysenko for the first time separates the concepts of "stability of marriage" and "stability of marriage".
He considers the stability of marriage as “the stability of the system of interaction between spouses, the effectiveness and efficiency of their joint activities aimed at achieving both mutual and individual goals of the spouses.
A number of works have been devoted to the problems of a young family. They highlight the factors of instability of a young urban family: short duration of premarital acquaintance of spouses, early (up to 21 years) age of marriage, negative attitude towards a spouse, unsuccessful marriage of parents of one or both spouses, premarital pregnancy, different opinions of spouses on issues of everyday life and leisure, and etc.
Family well-being factors
The factors of family well-being are divided into the following poles: external-internal, objective-subjective.
External objective is usually referred to as stability social system, which includes the family (the prerogative of the state), and the material conditions of her life.
Subjective external factors include factors of social control: legal and cultural norms, national and cultural traditions, expectations and requirements of a significant environment.
For the modern family, subjective internal sources stability: interpersonal feelings of family members (love, responsibility, duty and respect).
Consider love as a factor in family well-being.
Love and family well-being
The theme of love excites humanity throughout its history. Love was both evil and good; and happiness and suffering; and sorrow and joy. But it has never been something indifferent and unnecessary for people.
Scientists' studies have shown that the love orientation of the marriage itself is not identical. So, according to V.T. Lisovsky, 72.9 percent of the answers included “to meet a loved one (yu)” in the number of primary life plans of young people, and only 38.9 percent included “to create a family,” young men and women do not see a future life partner in every partner, it was confirmed and in the studies of S.I. Hunger. He found that, among the possible motives for intimate premarital relationships, “love” motivation clearly prevails over “marriage”: in both men and women, mutual love came first, and the second - a pleasant pastime. In third place for women - the orientation toward marriage, for men - the desire for pleasure, and only then the orientation toward marriage.
As you know, love can be without marriage, and marriage can be without love. There is neither complete coincidence nor complete difference between marriage and love, and for a long historical period they existed separately. In a large number of cases, love turns out to be a factor that prevents the preservation of a family union. There are several reasons for this:
· In the impatience of love, we are looking not for a spouse, but for a loved one.
· Under the romantic cover of love, we very often forget about family life and everyday family affairs.
· Fetishization of love: in a passionate search for love, we take for love something that does not correspond to it at all.
Compatibility laws
Compatibility is one of the most complex phenomena social and psychological science in general and family psychology in particular. Compatibility forms a hierarchy of levels, at the bottom of which is the psychophysiological compatibility of temperaments, the consistency of sensorimotor acts. The next level is the consistency of functional-role expectations. The highest level of group compatibility includes value-orientation unity. It is an indicator of group cohesion, reflecting the level or degree of coincidence of opinions, assessments, attitudes and positions of group members in relation to any objects. The family is a small group and the laws of compatibility apply to it as well.
Husband and wife can expect very different things and imagine their married life in different ways. At the same time, the more these ideas do not coincide, the less stable the family is, the more situations that are dangerous for it itself arise. The system of our marital and family ideas is very complex and the reasons for the discrepancy arise very often. There are two main reasons:
1. Our ideas about marriage and family are becoming more and more refined, saturated with details, as the family nowadays less and less corresponds to the pattern of role functioning that has developed over the centuries. The growth of material well-being allows us to look for more and more diverse models family relations.
2. The conflict of ideas of young spouses can be aggravated and aggravated due to a very weak knowledge of the ideas of each other. Firstly, because during the period of premarital courtship, they with enviable consistency prefer to discuss any topic, except for family relations. Secondly, with a very short premarital acquaintance, it is very problematic to find out each other's ideas.
Functional-role conflicts in family compatibility can be manifested in three areas of family relations.
The first area is leisure, free time spouses. The reason for the sharpness of relationships in this area of family life is quite clear: the more we expect from our free time, the less our ideas about how to spend it coincide.
The second area is economic and economic relations in family. Outdated stereotypes of family affairs are constantly becoming a "bone of contention" between spouses.
Third sphere- intimate relationships. The same sex that gave birth to the myth of sexual harmony as the most important condition for a happy marriage.
Psychologists who study the laws of compatibility have come to the conclusion that the individual psychological and personal characteristics of spouses do not entirely determine the stability and compatibility of spouses. Still, ideas about the goals of the marriage union prevail here. As for psychological characteristics marriage partners, the most important are those traits that determine the partners' ability to perceive and understand other people, predict their behavior, and treat them attentively and favorably. It is worth noting that spouses always have real opportunities to increase the level of mutual compatibility through self-education, rapprochement of marriage and family ideas, and a high culture of relationships.
What is a prosperous family?
The characteristic of a prosperous family is a social unit in which all its members receive benefits, i.e. kindness, warmth, love, happiness. In addition, a good financial situation and a high stable social status also play an important role when it comes about the characteristics of a prosperous family.
Now let's try to figure it out more specifically.
Full
Firstly, the family must be complete, that is, both mom and dad must be present in it. If there is only one parent, then such a family can no longer claim to be prosperous. Although, in fact, this issue is controversial. Perhaps a child (or even several children) is raised by a single mother (or father), and everything is in order in the family - cleanliness, beauty, children are shod, dressed, they have everything they need. Maybe they don't live smartly, but they have enough for life, and love and mutual understanding reign in their small family. Why can't such a social unit be called prosperous? Just because there is no father? And if he was, they lived well, but, unfortunately, died, and that such a family automatically becomes a dysfunctional one?
Therefore, the second point is perhaps much more important.
The basis of love and understanding
A prosperous family is when family members love, respect each other, understand, support in any situations, and trust. Parents are obliged to set an example to their children, explain to them that husband and wife should treat each other with warmth and care. And children, in turn, must trust their parents, talk to them, talk about all their problems, share, ask for advice and know that they will always find support in their family. Love and mutual understanding are the basis of any respectable cell of society.
Is it possible to call a prosperous family in which all its members constantly quarrel, take offense and hate each other? The mother shouts at the father, the father at the mother, and maybe they also fight, and both of them break off at the children. Is this environment friendly and suitable for psychological development child? Is such a family capable of giving good? No, that's why such families are usually called dysfunctional.
Financially secure
The family must be financially secure. This is also an important factor. One cannot call such a social unit as prosperous, whose members are malnourished, dress poorly and for the weather, and do not have enough funds for the most basic needs. It is necessary that either both parents work, or one person, in order to fully meet the needs and requirements of all family members. However, you must admit that even the richest cell of society cannot be called prosperous, but in which there is no harmony, in which the spouses do not love each other, each of them is busy with their own affairs, and the children grow up by themselves, surrounded by prosperity, but deprived of elementary parental care and affection.
Still, a prosperous family is one in which love, mutual understanding, respect, support prevails, this is the place where each family member feels comfortable, where he wants to be constantly. Children who grew up in such an environment always gladly visit the parental home, bring their wives, husbands, children there, and they are all happy.
The characteristic of a prosperous family is a definition, a rule, and there should be exceptions in the rules. What do you think should be the characteristics of a successful family?
Strong rear
Main feature of the prosperous families we are considering is that they are the very "strong rear" that is so necessary in life for any person, and for a child in particular. In such families, the child can always count on support and protection. This is not self-indulgence and forgiveness - this is exactly support in Hard time, approval in a moment of weakness and reflection, a push in a moment of doubt.
In one family, the older child had very low academic abilities, did poorly at school, was withdrawn and had a hard time getting along with the children. At the same time, the boy had quite adequate self-esteem, developed self-esteem and no pathologies of character. For real a good relationship developed with him only with his younger brother and his friends. He could spend hours fiddling with them, inventing various games and classes, separated the fighting, settled quarrels, acted as an arbiter in conflicts. They had a list above their parents' bed at home, which read literally the following:
Honest,
decent,
always ready to help,
kind
fair,
responsible,
loves children and animals.
What it is? - you ask with surprise.
A list of Misha's merits, - Misha's mother will answer you.
It turned out that Misha's parents were being told all the time about Misha at school: that he was stupid, incapable, inattentive, gloomy, did not react to anything and all that ...
We, of course, know what our child really is. But now we began to fear that we would somehow inadvertently forget this and become, as it were, at one with the teachers. And then Misha will have nowhere to rest at all. And he will not be able to do anything at all and will become really worse. And we will be to blame for this. Do you understand?
I understood. And how I would like all parents to understand this! And they not only understood, but also did. The house should be a fortress! And in the fortress there should always be a burning fireplace, hot tea and an affectionate word ...
So a prosperous family includes not a small number of life feelings.
Respect - respect for all family members, whether he is old or young.
Forgiveness - be able to forgive and yield to each other.
Understanding - to understand and accept the behavior of one of the family members in this situation, if he does not finish saying something, then it is necessary at the moment.
Confidence - to trust and at the right time not to ask unnecessary questions, and even more so not to make a scandal when they just ask to believe me.
Wisdom - be able to difficult situation not to make things worse, but rather to help meekly; accordingly, be able to support each other in any situation.
Care - includes many points: cleanliness; home comfort; treatment when someone from the household is sick; food prepared without malice, which will benefit health, not harm.
Kindness - be kind not only to yourself, but also to your children and your significant other.
Mutual assistance - distribution of household duties, so to speak, one of course will be able to do it all, but for a long time it may not be enough.
Love - Why do you ask the last point, but because if you have all of the above, then you love each other and there is no point in talking about it.
Children raised in a prosperous family achieve in life much more than from dysfunctional families.
There is nothing more important in our life than a family that gives support, warmth and happiness. Any disagreements, troubles, quarrels and partings in a loving family are experienced very hard. To avoid this, it is necessary to read prayers for family well-being.
The role of the family in our lives
God will give us parents. We do not choose them, we only accept what the Creator has given us. In Christianity, the family is given great attention, since reverence for parents is one of the most important rules that must be followed.
For various reasons, family well-being can leave us, this happens to many families. You can return happiness and God's grace only through prayers and faith in God. If you are doing well now, also remember the Almighty. Well-being does not mean that you can forget about prayers, since truly the strongest of them are thanksgiving. Thanks to God for not leaving us with his mercy, most troubles can be avoided.
Family prayers
If you have a trouble in which only God's hand is able to pull you out of the abyss, the following prayer will help:
Lord Jesus Christ, wake Thy mercy on my children (names), preserve them under Thy roof, cover from every evil lust, drive away every enemy and adversary from them, open their ears and eyes of the heart, grant tenderness and humility to their hearts. Lord, we are all Your creation, have pity on my children (names), and turn them to repentance. Save, Lord, and have mercy on my children (names) and enlighten their minds with the light of the mind of Thy Gospel and guide them on the path of Thy commandments and teach them, Savior, to do Thy will, as Thou art our God. Amen.
Everyone reading these lines will be able to receive the grace of God, which we sometimes lack so much. Read this prayer more often, not only in times of dire need, and then happiness awaits you. And here is a prayer of thanks:
Lady Most Blessed, take my family under Your protection. Instill in the hearts of my spouse and our children peace, love and unquestioning about all that is good; do not allow anyone from my family to parting and grievous parting, to premature and sudden death without repentance. And save our house and all of us living in it from fiery heat, thieves' attack, every evil of the situation, different kinds of insurance and devilish obsession. Yes, and we, separately and separately, openly and intimately, will glorify Your Holy Name always, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen. Holy Mother of God, save us!
Reading these lines from a pure heart, you truly thank heaven for giving you peace, health and understanding. This is a universal prayer that will save you in times of trouble. Miraculous words return spouses to the right path, heal parents and children, and also smooth out any disagreements.
Ask God for happiness, because it doesn't take long. Spend at least five minutes a day in prayer - God can give you spiritual riches, the highest blessing in the world. Be happy and remember to press the buttons and
11.02.2016 00:40
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It is known that any marriage union in the process of development goes through not only happy periods, but also stages of crises. There is no family that does not face various problems or misunderstandings in specific situations, and this is no exception to the rule: rather, it is a pattern. It is just important to understand that in order to achieve family well-being, it is necessary to deal with such crises by joint efforts, as well as to build harmonious relations in the marriage union. In this article, we will look at the main factors and conditions that promote mutual understanding in a married couple and strengthen a marriage.
Family well-being factors
The first condition for family well-being, naturally, is the love and affection of the spouses. And the importance of such feelings in this matter is unlikely to be denied by anyone. At the same time, it should be noted that only on love, a marriage cannot last for a long time. After all, the mutual passion and romantic mood that characterize the initial period of a relationship do not last as long as we would like.
This is due to the force of habit, since sooner or later a person gets used to his partner and no longer strives to win his love with the same strength. It is a mistake to believe that at this stage, feelings fade away and a harsh life begins. Indeed, in order to achieve family well-being, it is necessary to approach such a turn of events with understanding and confidence that it will not interfere with real feelings.
If the spouses expect that mutual enthusiasm at the beginning of the relationship will be enough for them for many years of joint happy life, they will very soon question their beliefs. After all, the marriage union is not only romantic walks in the evenings and beautiful declarations of love: the family also presupposes a common life, and, consequently, worries and problems. Not everyone is ready for such a test, which is why many couples get divorced without having lived together for several years.
Experts have identified the main factors of family well-being that should be taken into account by everyone who is going to start a life together with a loved one:
- Spouse-oriented;
- Sympathy and trust;
- Communication without conflicts;
- Understanding;
- Sexual satisfaction;
- Material well-being.
The focus on the spouse is the most important condition for family well-being, since it serves as the basis for mutual understanding. It assumes an attentive attitude to the interests, preferences, habits of a loved one. Ideally, spouses should only act in accordance with each other's wishes and needs.
Sympathy and trust are also essential factors in family well-being, because if you do not feel sympathy for the person with whom you are going to live, the marriage is doomed to failure. And when there is no trust in a relationship, love gradually fades away, as eternal suspicion, jealousy and discontent take its place.
Normal communication without constant quarrels and conflicts should be present in every good family. People need to share their emotions, impressions and experiences with loved ones, so you need to create an atmosphere at home that disposes spouses to mutual frankness and trusting relationships.
Mutual understanding is one of the most important conditions for family well-being. In order to achieve it, spouses will need a lot of time and trials. But the key here is condescension and tolerance towards each other, which are wonderful qualities for building a strong family.
Sexual satisfaction also very often comes over the years of living together, since partners do not immediately recognize each other's preferences: it takes time and desire. When people are connected by mutual strong feelings, almost all problems of a sexual nature are solvable. This is due to the strong desire of both to please their spouse.
The material security of the family is also an important factor in family well-being. It's no secret that financial difficulties, which are chronic in nature, very quickly affect the relationship of a married couple. Household problems that cannot be solved, debts and nervous stress caused by all this prevent people from enjoying their feelings and living in harmony. After all, the lion's share of family conflicts is associated with the topic of money.
Family well-being symbols
Recently, the teaching of Feng Shui has become widespread, with the help of which many people call on material security, harmony in relationships and love to their home. To do this, you just need to know what the main symbols of family well-being exist in this teaching:
- Aquarium;
- Turtle;
- The Dragon;
- Phoenix.
The aquarium is one of the main symbols of family well-being in material terms. It is believed to attract money into the house, so it is best to put goldfish in it and, of course, do not forget to feed them and clean the aquarium in time.
The turtle is also a symbol of material wealth and health, therefore it is advised to acquire a live aquatic turtle that will live in the aquarium: this combination should provide a double effect.
The dragon is a symbol of family well-being, success in business and career growth. In addition, experts believe that he endows the inhabitants of the house with special energy that develops qualities such as determination and endurance.
The phoenix acts as a complement to the dragon, since in Chinese mythology they are considered spouses. He provides the family with fame, success, and lasting relationships. In addition, if it is placed in the southern part of the house, then such a talisman will protect family members from all kinds of negative influences from outside.
At the same time, it should be remembered that the best symbols of family well-being are, first of all, love and mutual understanding in the marriage union.
