Raising a boy: how to raise a man? How to raise sons? How to raise a son to be a real man? How to raise a real man psychologist's advice
Lyubov Tolstolutskaya
Advice for parents "How to grow a man out of a boy?"
We are currently accepting preschool children. (3-4 years old) to kindergartens. With each set, there is a tendency to reduce the child's readiness to enter preschool. Young mothers spend weeks with their child in the kindergarten during the adaptation period, they feed, dress, serve toys, and even cry with the baby who has received a small scratch. But most of all, the fact that girls are more independent and active, and boys demanding and persistent in their requirements: “clothe, feed, give…” Therefore prepared for parents consultation:
Like from a boy to raise a man?
Probably every mother dreams that a real child will grow out of her little son. the male: strong, intelligent, courageous, courageous, a real support and protection for his future family and parents who raised him. Of course, everyone has their own idea of \u200b\u200bthe present and ideal man.
Modern psychologists prove what: “The times when it was believed that a man should be powerful, smelly and hairy, are gone forever. Now we like a young man to be fragrant, flaunt not only an excellent education, but also a good suit, be self-confident, able to make decisions, know how to look after a lady, earn decent money and at the same time not consider it a humiliation to wash his plate after himself.
Since birth boy, a load immediately falls on his still fragile children's shoulders responsibility: this is the heir, the successor of the family and the real the male. The concept of real the male- quite vague and, of course, everyone puts something of their own into it. But some characteristics are inevitably present - a man must be smart, strong, reliable and courageous.
However, do not forget that education is indispensable here. Raising a man from a boy is difficult, because sometimes parents, realizing the degree of responsibility, they begin from the cradle to accustom the child to the concept "to be a man» , and as a result, they are more often punished and spoiled less than girls. But no matter how much you want parents to believe, that as a result of this "hardening" their son will make the male, this is not true. Most often, the result of such upbringing is a neurotic child. Other parents think, what boy must be brave and courageous, be able to stand up for himself, or generally kick everyone's ears so that they do not offend him in the future. Third parents will bring up a diplomatic, tactful boy and develop his intelligence.
The fact that from, you need to take care from early childhood and combine all the qualities of masculinity together competently and skillfully. Arises question: "From what age?"
Scientists say that we all come from childhood. All our fears and complexes, ideals and stereotypes are formed, almost from the cradle. Therefore, from the most tender age it is necessary "sculpt" from son man. Approximately up to 3 years, children do not divide themselves and others into 2 camps - "girls" and « boys» . But when this cherished date hits them, some kind of internal mechanism is triggered, and the game of life « boys-girls» starts. This is the time to start "young fighter course". It must be remembered at the same time that to educate a real man harder, how grow a real woman boys are naturally more vulnerable than girls. Psychologists convinced: to from boy raise a real man, he should be scolded less and praised more often, although some parents do the opposite. It is necessary, in the family where the baby is growing, to parents did not share household duties, but performed according to the principle who is free now. At the same time, so that mom does not forget to emphasize the authority of the father, and dad played daily with his son in "chivalry": they say, "we are with you - men, and mother is a fragile woman and we must help her in everything! An important condition for proper education boys is communication with the father. From whom, if not from dad, the future man to follow an example - to learn to be strong, decisive and responsible for your words and deeds? Moreover, male upbringing facilitates the process of socialization and adaptation of the child to kindergarten, school and institute. After all, from an early age he knows that the real the male does not succumb to difficulties and is looking for a way out of any difficult situation. Who is that fabulous giant who tirelessly carries the baby on his shoulders? Who is the master of all trades, who will answer any questions, teach you how to ride a bicycle and make a bow and arrows? Of course, dad, only dad!
Unfortunately, male influence on the next generation in society decreases every decade, the norms of truly masculine behavior dissolve, the traditional concept of male honor disappears, and the number of families in which a woman raises a child alone increases. And as the number of women raising a child alone is growing, so « half-men» is getting bigger. It is no coincidence that psychologists note that the sons of single mothers often exhibit psychopathic character traits, and it is they who make up a fair part of unbearable husbands in family life. Therefore, if there are only women in the house, you should give boy in sports sections and circles where classes are "positive" the male. A child should have a positive type of male behavior before his eyes.
Always valued by men autonomy and independence. However, often due to parental control and wrong education boys miss out on that quality. As is often said, the guy is hiding behind his mother's skirt. After all, it’s easier to feed a child from a spoon with a run and go on with your own business than to wait for a long time, but diligently boy will learn to be independent. After all, the child must do it himself!
When cultivating a sense of endurance, it is important not to overdo it. Forbidding boy cry, it should not be forgotten that boy, the same child as a girl, he also feels pain, fear, sadness and anxiety. Therefore, at an early stage of development, forbidding a child to cry will not be very true. To begin with, there must be a reason that needs to be found out. And why a child should keep his emotions - this must be explained in detail by having a conversation on this matter. Sometimes not everyone can control their emotions. boys, it’s better to offer the baby to be patient a little and cry when no one sees. It is necessary to help the child learn to show and restrain his feelings and emotions, while maintaining self-esteem.
To the boy grew up to be a real man it needs to be developed comprehensively. He should pay attention to his physical development, engage in a sports section, perhaps go to the pool, depending on his interests, but also devote time to intellectual development. However, it should be remembered that self-esteem boys are significantly lower. than girls. Although the guys are naturally more demanding of themselves than their peers. The point is that the soul boys every day longs for a feat. And, if it is not possible to immediately wring out five times, the boy begins to think badly of himself. And to prevent this from happening, it is important to cultivate self-confidence.
To raise a boy to be a real man the following must be observed recommendations:
Learn to be responsible for your words and actions;
Learn to make the right decisions;
Cultivate respect for others;
Explain that boys- strong and hardy, and girls are fragile and vulnerable;
Build a sense of independence and responsibility.
The qualities of a person's character, both positive and negative, are formed precisely in childhood, so we can say that only from parents will depend, by whom will grow their son and will it become real a man?
How to raise a boy to be a real man? Loving mothers ask this question when they look at their little baby lying in the crib. The son is growing rapidly, acquiring useful skills and abilities. However, he must be taught to live in this world. Many events occur simultaneously, and all of them affect the process of becoming a person. The ideal of a real man is laid in childhood. The son, as a rule, takes an example from his father and tries to imitate him: he helps with business with pleasure, tries to be like a native person in behavior. How to raise a boy to be a real man? What character traits need to be nurtured first? Can the behavior of the parents tangibly affect him? Let's try to figure it out!
mother's love
This is the first thing a child of any gender needs. A boy, just like a girl, must feel that his mother loves him infinitely. External achievements and circumstances should not play any role here. It has been proven that the most successful men grew out of those boys whom their mothers loved very much in childhood. It is a woman, like no other, who is able to surround the baby with unconditional tenderness and care. The father, with all his desire, will not be able to do this instead of her. Mother inspires her little son to new victories and achievements.
It is in interaction with her that the child learns to be a little protector. If you are asking an urgent question - how to raise a boy as a real man, then do not skimp on the manifestation of sincere feelings. Praise should be an integral part of raising a son. The more a child is believed in, the sooner he realizes his prospects.
Raising Responsibility
Interaction with a child is not an easy task. Parents often face new challenges and learn from their own mistakes. The achievements of your own child are incredibly pleasing, but the failures are seriously upsetting. How to raise a boy to be a real man? First of all, let him understand that he needs to be responsible for his actions. The kid must be clearly aware that each of our actions leads to a certain result. If you want to achieve something important for yourself - try. How to raise a boy to be a real man? The rules here are simple. However, they will take years to complete. Mom should be affectionate and at the same time be able to instill in her son the responsibility for the choices that he makes every day.
Self-realization
Many young mothers are thinking about how to raise a boy as a real man. The psychology of the stronger sex is such that its representatives need to achieve everything with their own work. Do not interfere with such impulses of the baby! Give him the opportunity to fully participate in learning something new. The child must explore life, make amazing discoveries every day. If a mother notices a certain inclination towards something in her son, then she should allow him to do what he loves. Never interfere with his sports, painting or playing a musical instrument. Perhaps it is your child who will amaze everyone around with his great achievements in the future!
Self-realization is the main component of the life of a successful man. How to raise a boy to be a real man? The advice of relatives will not help here. It is important to understand that self-realization is necessary for the effective formation of a person. Encourage any undertakings of your child, then the efforts will not be in vain!
Good manners
Every child should know how to behave properly in society. Only in this case, he will not constantly come into conflict with the environment. The boy should be able to thank, to show delicacy towards those who are nearby. Teach your son to respect elders, to give way to public transport. Good manners are useful everywhere. How to raise a real man from a boy? Reviews show that when the attention of adults is directed to the development of delicacy, in the future a young person is able to understand loved ones.
Ability to express feelings
There is a widespread model in society that prohibits the stronger sex from showing their own emotions. “Guys don’t cry” - boys hear from a very young age and therefore try to suppress pain and despair in themselves. As a result, the most important feelings remain undisclosed, unclaimed, not heard. How to raise a boy to be a real man? Of course, it is impossible to take into account all the nuances. However, you should always remember that feelings must be learned to express. Don't let a child suffer because of stupid human prejudices! There is nothing worse than destroying a fragile child's psyche every day with your own hands.
Tell your son about how you feel. Don't be afraid to share your pain with him. The child must consciously learn to recognize feelings, and this can only be done when adults do not dissemble in front of him, but show sincerity.
Cultivating masculinity
Currently, women often complain that they do not meet worthy partners. Few people understand that we ourselves create the surrounding reality, and pay close attention to this issue in our own family. How to raise a boy to be a real man? The role of the father here is extremely great. It is the figure of a big and strong dad that encourages the little son to strive to copy his behavior. The father is the first to teach the child a lesson in masculinity, demonstrating by his own example what kind of behavior can be considered worthy. Every boy wants to be proud of his father, feels the need to hear praise and advice from him.
An adult man is able to teach a child a lot: responsibility for the choices made, the ability to make decisions, set realistic and achievable goals. The upbringing of masculinity is possible only by imitating the father or a close relative of the stronger sex. A boy cannot learn from his mother how to express himself. Successful identification with one's gender is possible only with the participation of a man in the family.
Help mom
Ideally, it is better to instill in your child the habit of fulfilling household chores. At the same time, it is good that they are quite specific: take out the trash, wash the floor in your room or the dishes after dinner. So the child will be able to get used to taking responsibility for what happens to him more quickly. Helping mom is a desirable attribute of raising a future man. He must learn to understand that the family at some point in time may need his support and attention. Some men mistakenly believe that their son does not need such skills. Like, they will not be useful anywhere in life.
Do not be afraid that the boy will grow up effeminate - this is absolute stupidity. There is no connection between the lack of masculinity and the desire to be useful to close relatives.
Sports
Physical health is the most important indicator of successful development. If you do not give enough time and attention to this issue, the boy will not be able to feel confident among his peers. Sports activities incredibly increase physical endurance, strengthen muscles, train the will. It is useful for a boy at any age to use time for swimming, playing basketball or volleyball. The benefits of such activities are undeniable: physical endurance, stamina develops, muscles get stronger, self-confidence is added. Sports activities contribute to the formation of the future man. The more physically developed the boy becomes, the closer he approaches the image of masculinity.
"Boy is the father of a man"
This is the name of the famous book by I.S.Kon, which reflects the stages of the formation of the personality of the stronger sex. It would be useful for parents to study it, to highlight the features of education in each individual period. How many mistakes could have been avoided then! With the help of the existing guide to action, in the end you will not have to reap the bitter fruits of improper pedagogical influence. This book explains in detail what forms the masculine qualities of character, what events have a strong influence on the development of a child.
How to raise a boy to be a real man? The book will help parents who want only happiness for their children. "A boy is a father of a man" should become a reference book for most caring moms and dads.
The right to choose
Raising a boy, one must not forget about one important feature. A kid from childhood must learn to make decisions independently. Give up the thought of imposing your point of view on him, this is a fundamentally wrong position. So the child will not begin to take responsibility for what is happening, but will shift it onto the parent's shoulders. If a boy is growing up in the family, it is necessary to provide him with more freedom of choice for the implementation of certain steps. Only then can he learn to act confidently and easily, without fear of making a mistake or receiving the disapproval of his elders.
The right to choose is an integral part of dominant behavior, which every male representative must have without fail. When we deliberately deprive a little person of choice, the result is a weak, weak-willed, unadapted personality.
Recognition of male authority
From childhood, a kid must learn such a model of a family in which the father is always the main thing. Having a large, strong and strong shoulder that you can always rely on makes life much easier. In childhood, almost all boys admire their fathers, they want to be like a loved one. Often they say out loud their desires and at the same time add: “I will be the same as dad.” A father should pay a lot of attention to his son from the time when the baby is just born. Only then, identifying himself with a strong and courageous dad, will he continue to strive to make important decisions on his own. The father in the life of a boy is the number one figure. They look up to him, admire his actions, imitate him with enthusiasm.
Recognition of male authority is an important step in the development of a man of the stronger sex. It will not be difficult for a father to raise a boy as a real man. This is provided that the loving and caring dad himself is a worthy role model. He should take care of his mother with special warmth and tenderness. By his actions, the father teaches the little son to respect the woman. Otherwise, the child will feel false in the relationship of the parents, the discrepancy between their words and actions.
If there is no father in the family
How to raise a boy to be a real man without a father? Is it possible to do this in principle? A mother raising her son alone must take into account some points. Today, incomplete families, unfortunately, are not uncommon. A woman should not feel guilty in front of a child. If it so happened that she currently does not have a worthy life partner, do not despair. A mother should never put pressure on her son, force him to do something through force. Otherwise, a man will grow up who will endlessly adapt to the whims of a woman.
How to raise a boy to be a real man without a father? It is desirable that close relatives or other familiar men could at least partially compensate for the absence of a father. For example, a grandfather or uncle who spends a lot of time with the baby will benefit him, help him to correctly and painlessly carry out self-identification. This is a complex process that does not take place in one day, but it should not be forgotten either. A man who helps raise a boy, contributes to his personal development, helps to strengthen faith in himself and his own abilities.
Instead of a conclusion
Thus, growing up is not painless and smooth. In most cases, you have to overcome significant obstacles on the way to the desired goal. The development of a boy is a complex process that requires a lot of mental participation from both parents.
What does it take to raise a son to be a real man? How to properly raise a boy?
The issue of raising boys is of concern not only to single mothers who are acutely experiencing the departure of often the only man to whom they had tender feelings. This is a common question most parents ask. How to instill masculine behavior in my son? How to raise him to be a real man?
According to statistics, the male population on Earth, of course, is quite a lot. But not every representative of the stronger sex can be called a man. Why is this happening and how to fix the situation? Let's figure it out.
Yes, you will agree, this question is already complicated in itself. And it is desirable to decide on the answer to it even before education.
It would seem that such a man is a man. But it turns out that the idea of \u200b\u200bhis "realness" among the fair sex is very different. After all, the duty of a man is not only to wear pants, financially provide for his family, drink, smoke and speak harshly. With all this, women, girls and even girls ... let's say, middle school age do an excellent job. It is quite another thing - the ability to make a decision and set a goal. Achieve, knowing full well that you will have to invest effort, time, resources, the same money. And answer, first of all, to yourself for decisions and words. Say only what you understand and ask for advice on issues that are unknown for various reasons.
These qualities roughly describe the image of a man in society. Ladies still want to see him as a knight, ideally on a white horse. If there is no horse, a Mercedes of the latest brand will do.
Men respect each other for thriftiness, rigidity and business acumen. Moderate "whipping" for women, moderate greed and the ability to stand up for oneself are also valued. And, of course, real male friendship, without any "snot" and sentimentality.
You ask how to find moderation in all this? Very simple. A man seeks and finds pleasure in all manifestations of life. But it is easy to live without any of them.
Undoubtedly, such a man will be little loved. It is much easier to fall in love with a sissy who will read poetry to you under the window and knit cozy slippers. And it's always easier to fall in love with an alpha male, a macho, from whom testosterone is rushing for kilometers around. But is this the kind of person you would like to see next to you for the rest of your life? Are you ready to become a mother to the first or constantly endure betrayal and neglect of the second? Think about it.
A real man will be respected. For the most part, respect for him appears immediately, involuntarily. As if it couldn't be otherwise. And, of course, such a man will be formed at the age of thirty. A few years in both directions will not make a fundamental difference.
How do you raise your son like this? Surely, you need to know some "secrets"? Undoubtedly, the foundation of male behavior is laid in childhood.
When to start educating masculine qualities in a boy? The answer is simple… the sooner the better. This is according to (anti) scientific and psychological canons at the age of 14, the wind is walking in the head of the boys, and childhood is a little lower than the waist. At the age of 16, Arkady Gaidar, a writer and participant in the Civil War, and not a politician, commanded a regiment of Special Purpose Units. In other words, an analogue of modern special forces. After the Great Patriotic War, 14-year-old boys filmed German mines. In 2005, fifteen-year-old boys took part in rescue operations, preserved the health and peace of the inhabitants of cities with a population of over a million.
Science ignores these cases. Practicing psychologists explain: by the fifth year of life, boys from games show a range of interesting activities. By the sixth or seventh year, the rudiments of actions that define future professions are formed. The boy is psychologically ready to receive professional knowledge along with general education.
In the tenth year of his life, the boy has ready not only the makings of professions, but also some knowledge about them. For several years, the future man actively absorbs the necessary information. At the same time, he receives life lessons: what friendship is, and how it is destroyed. Do all debts are repaid, and why do you need money at all. And also much, much more.
Alas, the education system comes from the prosperous USSR and is unable to give many lessons. At 5-6 years old, the boy is transformed. The attention of the son switches from the source of care - the mother, to the father, as the main symbol of masculinity. The child begins to be more interested in other male relatives - uncles, grandfathers, older brothers.
To tell a ten-year-old boy that he will soon become a man is to say nothing. The son will hear you, but is unlikely to understand what it is about. After all, the ideal of masculine qualities is still ahead, and today - tomorrow more important tasks will have to be solved. For example, go for a walk with Vanka or let Pashka write off mathematics in exchange for geography. Words about the futility of cheating to a child are absolutely incomprehensible. After all, you can get an assessment now and without effort, and sometime later ... you can open a textbook.
A child even younger understands even less. Even the word "character" is a mystery, and even more so - masculine. The young man has no time to listen to the elders, and there is no desire. After all, he is psychologically self-sufficient, it's time to show knowledge - skills to the world. Roughly speaking, by puberty a man must already be. Of course, many men remain children even at 40, and it is never too late to grow up. But still, the sooner the better.
Of no small importance is the positive example of a man in the family. When dad is a real man, most likely, the son will look up to him and imitate him in every possible way. No wonder the proverb says: “Do not educate children, educate yourself - after all, children will still be like you.” But do not underestimate the role of the mother in this difficult process. If the mother respects and loves the father, admires him, the boy will also strive to become like his father. Otherwise, when a mother in front of the children in every possible way humiliates, “saws” her man, shows disrespect to him, there is every chance to raise insecure males who will never become real men.
Contrary to popular belief, sports provide more than just physical health. Of course, if the load is a joy and without doping. Most successful men in their 70s and even 80s are actively involved in sports. They ski, swim, skydive and go to the mountains. The secret is simple: sport makes men feel their own strength and relieve stress.
The medical justification for this effect is as follows: stress is a combination of states and reactions of the body to a strong or prolonged exposure to stimuli, and is characterized by the sequential development of three phases. At the first stage, the body responds to the impact adequately to the force, trying in every possible way to evade. On the second, it adapts to the impact and reacts only when it changes sharply. The third stage is characterized by the exhaustion of the organism; as a result, the reactions are distorted and become abnormal. At this stage, health deteriorates sharply.
Primitive man had a very limited list of stresses and only two ways of resolving. The first is to run away. The second is to catch up and eat. We got not only these mechanisms, but also the third one: to throw out the boiling emotions, that is, the same resolution of psychological stress through action.
American firms are creating breakout rooms where employees can yell at mannequins and photographs of the boss. The Japanese in similar rooms offer the employee to beat the boss to his heart's content not only with his hands, but also with furniture or even wooden models of edged weapons. With us, a family or a gym becomes such a room for psychological relief. You can jog to relieve fatigue after a tedious office, squeeze the barbell and prove to yourself: I'm still hoo and I can do a lot of things. Only the body should get used to the loads from childhood.
Of course, it is necessary to accustom a child to sports gradually. At least one exercise per muscle group and three approaches per day. After all, big things always start small.
Sports also provide an environment for personal growth. After all, the sports section instills many skills of a real man. This is the ability to set a goal, and the ability to calculate strength, and difficult for people outside of sports - time management. Enjoy! Rejoice in success together!
Yes, there are defeats in sports. Boys need to be supported, explained how defeat in sports becomes an important step towards victory. This teaches you to analyze your mistakes and avoid them in the future.
At a certain stage in the development of a man, topics appear that are not discussed in the family for various reasons. They talk to the coach. Yes, often it is the coach who becomes the second father and helps the boys grow up. Even if the “child” is already under 50 and the family is waiting at home.
Returning to the family. Boys' homes need to be supported. Help in trouble. Agree to help a little man. Even if you have to redo it afterwards. After all, this is how the first interests of the future man are manifested, and the main steps on the path of already forgotten chivalry. It is important to develop interests, if possible in a specialized section or circle. After all, this is also an environment for the personal growth of a man, the first step towards a white Mercedes. Further steps will be easier and more advantageous compared to peers who lack the skills of a specialized circle.
- Teach your son good manners: use the polite words “thank you” and “please”, offer help, shake hands with women, give up your seat on public transport, etc. These skills will make the world around your boy a little better and kinder;
- Teach your son to verbalize his feelings. A small child may hide his face in embarrassment, scream in frustration, cry in fear, or bite in excitement. Your task is to explain to him that these are normal emotions. They dictate to the body how to behave. It is very important to discuss your own emotions with the boy. One day he will grow up, and thanks to your help he will know and feel the difference between embarrassment and anger, grief and disappointment. He will learn to deal with his emotions normally, express them competently, while not feeling embarrassed or guilty;
- Teach your son to order: teach him to clean up after himself, wash socks, cook, iron shirts. Yes, it may well be that such skills will never be useful to him, but at some point his future wife will be very grateful to you;
- Encourage your child to read. Read books to him, read with him. Share with him what you read. Tell him about your favorite characters and books, explain why it is so important for every person to read books. Discuss what you read with your son, fantasize, think, draw his favorite fairy tales;
- Give your son guidelines - examples of smart, good, strong, courageous, honest and talented people. Tell him about great artists, writers, travelers, scientists, researchers, astronauts, artists, photographers. Explore their lives and success stories together;
- Give him a chance to believe in something. More than once your boy will have to experience anxiety or fear, grief or pain, or simply need his mother when she is not around. So give him something he can always turn to when he feels bad so he knows he will never be alone;
- Teach him how to play. No matter how much you want, your baby can't always be a winner. Explain to him that people sometimes win and sometimes lose. But that doesn't mean you have to give up and quit. Mistakes open up further possibilities. And then the defeats will become steps towards victory;
- Teach the boy what is sometimes necessary - and this is not at all ashamed - to be very gentle - for example, to small children, flowers, animals, the feelings of other people;
- Explain to your son that practice helps a lot in achieving perfection. And this applies not only to music or sports, but to all things in life. Help him develop the right habits that can help an adult man easily and without problems to cope with the tasks in life;
- Answer the questions: "Why?". Look for answers together. Show your son where to find the answer (for example, ask dad, grandparents, look in an encyclopedia or on the Internet). Ask counter questions to encourage the boy to think for himself;
- Give dad an opportunity to teach his son the most important things. Over time, the boy will form the right opinion: dad knows and knows how to do everything in the world. Of course, you will always remain a beloved mother for your son, but for a boy, dad is a special person who knows exactly the answers to all questions;
- Give the boy a chance to help. Don't force it, give it a chance! Become an example for your son - help each other and other people.
In addition, psychologists strongly recommend not to be shy about kissing and hugging little boys! Any mother of sons will confirm that in childhood they are very loving and tender. Therefore, do not forget to kiss and hug your child, especially when he is naughty and naughty. Do not be afraid that the boy will grow up to be a sissy - you will simply satisfy his natural and urgent need for love.
Male look
A man is brought up, first of all, by action. And in all other queues - too. This does not mean at all that the boy only needs to be ordered - “do your homework” or “wash the dishes”. Such an appeal will help to grow a weak-willed worm out of a small man, completely deprived of the opportunity to independently set goals in life. The boy needs situations that require ingenuity, strength and knowledge. Of course, according to its capabilities. Such situations are given by minor repairs in the garage or helping the father fix the furniture. For the sake of such situations, fathers need to stay at home more, communicate and fool around with their sons. After all, active games with bodily contact lay the foundations of trust in the family. And yes, active games are also a sport, without which men are like without air.
Grow up with your son and be happy!
female look
Every mother wants to raise her son to be a real man. Even when he still does not know how to speak, walk, and only smiles timidly with his toothless mouth, he already sees his mother as a big and strong knight. Of course, before that there are still years and years, but I really want to help him become just like that, real ...
Naturally, it will not be superfluous to listen to the opinion of experts. But no less important for a mother should be her own intuition and love for her child. After all, it is very difficult to say in advance, but will the image of “big and strong” that you have prepared for him in your thoughts suit your boy? And, if he grows up not as a banker with a thick suitcase or a famous athlete, but as a creative artist or a musician, will he not be a real man from this?
Perhaps our framework and ideas about the "real" men are still a bit stereotyped. Be that as it may, I personally would like my son to grow up a happy person. In the view in which he himself will see it. And, of course, parents should help him with this. Do not impose, do not dictate, do not lead in the direction we need. Namely, to help you understand yourself, find yourself.
And as for the little boys ... Mom needs to become a home for her son. When a small child learns to walk, he takes only a few steps away from his mother, and then returns again. When he learns to draw, your proud smile will be so important to him. When he becomes interested in football, it is your face that he will look for in the stands. And even when he becomes an adult and very strong, and a new woman, his own family and his own home appear in his life, you will still remain his mother. Unfailingly loving and confident in him and in his "realness".
Eugene and Anna Kutyavina
Already at the stage of pregnancy, knowing that the long-awaited son will soon be born, every woman thinks about being a real man. It would seem that there is nothing complicated about this - according to the prevailing stereotypes, for the correct growth and formation of knowledge, the boy needs the attention of his father. And not just attention, but the direct participation of the parent in the life of the child. Modern psychology has debunked the myth that only in a complete family is it possible to grow a real and strong man - he can be raised by both a married woman and a single mother.
Birth
When a baby is born, he needs all the love and care of his mother. Until a conscious age, according to research, a child does not distinguish between people by gender, but by the first year of life, he can easily determine where his mother, father, sister, uncle or other relatives, acquaintances are. From the very moment of birth, a boy needs more warmth and affection than a newborn girl, since the small representatives of the strong half of humanity are more vulnerable physically and psychologically. There is no need to limit communication with the baby - even at such a young age, the child feels an attitude towards himself. Rocking a crying son in your arms, you should talk to him, reminding him that he is a man, he is strong and brave.
growing up
When a boy turns three years old, communication with males becomes a necessity for him, and it doesn’t matter who it will be: dad, girlfriend’s husband or grandfather. For him, the main thing at this age is to comprehend and adopt all male behavioral qualities and habits. In fact, at this stage of his development, he advises not to force the child to do anything at the request of the parents, against his will. This is fraught with the emergence of misunderstandings in the family, as well as the manifestation of personal complexes in the baby at a more mature age.
From boy to man
The child, getting older and taking as a basis the behavior of the representatives of the stronger sex around him since childhood, builds communication with peers and relatives. The boy's attitude towards women is formed thanks to his mother - it is she who is the personification of femininity, beauty and domestic warmth. Looking at his mother, the baby on a subconscious level remembers her traits, both external and character, which in the future will be reflected in his preferences in choosing a life partner.
Can a mother raise her son on her own?
Many women, in an attempt to give their father and their care, often sacrifice themselves. At the same time, each of them finds excuses for their actions: "So what if the husband beats me / does not work / drinks / cheats, but the boy has a father. To grow a man out of him, he needs fatherly care." Often such "concern" manifests itself in the form of constant poking and prodding, since in case of disrespect for a woman one can hardly expect strong paternal feelings from a husband. Men of this kind in no way, except, of course, the conception itself, will not participate in the upbringing of the baby, all worries about him will lie entirely on the shoulders of women.
As a result, after long and painful attempts to correct the "careless dad" and a vain search for a compromise, the family breaks up. This pushes a woman with a young son to look for a new dad for the baby. Sometimes everything repeats itself in a circle, and in other cases, only a few find a good family man and father. You should not think that, having parted with her husband, a single mother will not be able to properly raise a boy - this is within the power of any adequate and loving mother. To do this, you must be guided by a few simple rules of communication with the child.
From the moment of awareness of the world around, the mother must develop in her son responsibility for herself, her words and deeds. Over time, the boy will begin to understand that the promise must be kept, and mistakes corrected. The child should be explained only in a calm, affectionate tone, without scandals and tantrums. It is important to remember that the baby must be constantly given the right to choose - this is the only way he will feel independent.
There is another important aspect in how to raise a boy as a real man: the son must feel his importance. But there is no need to cultivate egocentrism in him - such a person will grow up as a "narcissus", and his further adaptation in adult life will be much more difficult. Significance is not instilled on the scale of the universe (I am everything for this world), but only in relation to the mother. For example, when boarding public transport, a mother can ask her son to help her, or during a walk she turns to him with the words: "Take my hand, if I fall, and you hold me."
Any mother must understand that communicating with males to a child is vital in order to become a successful and confident man. She is obliged to allow her son to see his father (if any), to spend time with him. At the same time, she should constantly be aware of all the events taking place in his life, talk to him about it and help solve problems. How to raise a son to be a real man? Become his friend, best and closest. With a lack of male attention, the boy, of course, after agreeing with him, must be enrolled in any sports section - sport disciplines, helps the child adapt in society.
Parenting Common Mistakes
- An excess of love at a conscious age provokes an incorrect perception of the world around the child. Undoubtedly, it is possible and necessary to love and protect your child, but there must be a measure in everything. Mothers should prepare themselves in advance for the moment when the son grows up and starts a family. Some women are especially sensitive to the departure of a child from the parental home, they simply cannot come to terms with the fact that their adored son is now without a mother.
- Cruel attitude, pressure from parents never helped to raise a strong and courageous man. From families who believe that screaming and assault, as well as the lack of the right to choose, are the norm, there are downtrodden, shy and at the same time embittered guys who have low self-esteem and disrespect for women in their luggage. It is worth remembering that our children are a reflection of the "weather in the house" and the behavior of their parents.
- The lack of attention from both mother and father makes the future man withdraw into himself. Growing up, such boys become alienated, many of them, in order to make their parents notice themselves, contact bad companies, start drinking alcohol, drugs, and acquire various bad habits.
Future man: education in a complete family
Some mothers make one very big mistake - worrying about the health and safety of the newborn baby, they do not allow the father to fully enjoy communication with him. It is the very first moment of the meeting between father and son that is the key to raising a boy to be a real man. If the wife refuses her husband's desire to help with the baby several times, then the future healthy communication of the father with the son may come to naught.
Mother and father
Mothers should leave the child with her husband more often, encourage them to spend time together - organize various trips for their men, send them on fishing trips. In any conflict situations, the mother must remain neutral, but at the same time do not forget to talk with the baby about his misdeeds.
How can a father raise a boy to be a real man? To do this, you need to be an example to him in everything, starting with the attitude towards his wife and ending with his position in society. The child intuitively feels whether his father loves his mother, whether he respects her. Even if both parents with their son are trying to create an image of an ideal family, and behind closed doors they constantly sort things out quietly, it will be difficult to raise a real, mentally healthy member of society from a boy.
Books are the best helpers in the educational process
Many parents are looking for the answer to the question, a real man. The book, containing good old fairy tales, helps to tell the child in detail about the role he occupies in life. Knights, heroes, princes, possessing remarkable strength, are always ready to help the weaker sex - beauties enchanted by evil wizards.
The distribution of roles in each fairy tale makes it possible to explain to a little boy that men are strong, heroic and selfless people. Thanks to fairy tales, an ideal image is formed in the subconscious of the child, to which he wants to strive.
- Teach your child the rules of etiquette. It doesn’t matter at what age to start, the main thing is that from an early age he understands how to talk with elders, why women need help, and how important the words he utters are.
- Explain to your son that all his emotions: fear, embarrassment, joy, sadness and sadness can and should be expressed in words.
- Teach your baby to order, let him help you around the house.
- Organize reading evenings, read good life stories and fairy tales to your son, share your impressions with him.
- Teach your child how to play correctly. Supporting him in his failures, tell the boy that one defeat is not a reason to give up and abandon the goal.
- Show him that showing affection is not weakness.
- Let your child help you and those around you. Let it be, don't force it.
- Encourage frequent communication between father and son.
- Throughout the pregnancy, support your spouse, talk with the baby growing under her heart. After his birth, try to spend as much time as possible with him. It is at this stage that you will begin to understand how to raise a real man from a boy, using only your skills and love for the child.
- Find free time, try to be at home as long as possible - endless business trips and irregular working hours take away your precious childhood spent with dad from your baby.
- Show your emotions more often. Love, laughter and tears associated with your son are not considered weakness. Looking at you, the boy will understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of.
- Be disciplined, set a daily routine for the child. How can he grow up to be a successful man? Make his day useful, help him solve the tasks. Gently, without assault, establish the norms of discipline, while calmly and firmly insisting on respect for yourself and your mother.
- Learn to have fun with your son. Joint leisure should bring joy to both the child and you.
The best parenting is a personal example of an adult. For a boy, ideally, he should be his father and his inner circle - grandfather, brother, teacher, coach ...
However, the reality is that a boy at preschool age, when the foundations of his gender-role behavior are laid, is not surrounded by men at all. Women work almost everywhere in the field of education, the number of single-parent families has increased, and in complete families, the male father is often only formally present.
Some dads remove themselves from the process of raising a boy, considering it a woman's business, show lack of initiative, not knowing what to do with the baby. Others are infantile themselves, so they can do little to help in the development of masculine qualities. And it happens that dad would be happy to take up the upbringing of the boy, spend time with his son, teach him something, but workload does not allow, because you need to think about the future of the family.
However, mothers should not lose heart, even if the responsibility for raising their sons lies with them. You just need to properly organize the process of raising a boy from the very beginning, following the 8 “golden” rules:
1. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom!
In order for a mother to bring up masculine qualities in her son, it is sometimes necessary to raise him not in the way that is more convenient for her, easier and calmer. First of all, you need to make sure that the upbringing of the boy shapes his character. And for this, a mother very often has to reconsider her views on life, attitudes, fight her fears, “break” the stereotypes developed over the years.
What picture can be observed more and more often in modern families? In boys, accuracy, caution, diligence are cultivated. And then the mother reaps the fruits of her and her grandmother's "muslin upbringing": growing up, the son cannot fight back the offender, overcome difficulties, does not want to strive for something. And parents do not understand where this weakness of will came from in their child.
However, it is precisely these qualities that are invested in the boy from early childhood with the words “Don’t run - you will fall”, “Don’t climb, it’s dangerous there”, “Don’t do it - you will get hurt”, “Don’t touch, I myself” and other “don’t ...”. Will initiative and responsibility be formed with such an upbringing of a boy?
Of course, mother and grandmother can be partly understood, especially when the child is the only and long-awaited. They are afraid that something might happen to the baby. However, selfish considerations are hidden behind these fears. A flexible child is much more convenient, you don’t have to adapt to him. It is much easier to feed a two-year-old child herself than to watch him spread porridge on a plate. It's faster to dress a four-year-old by herself than to wait while he fiddles with buttons and laces. It’s calmer when the son walks beside him and holds his hand, rather than running around the playground, trying to get lost from sight. When we indulge our impulses, we do not think about the consequences.
Such upbringing of a boy distorts the very nature of men, responding to the mental and physical health of boys. They have fears, sometimes turning into somatic problems (stuttering, nervous tics, allergies, breathing problems, frequent illnesses), low self-esteem is formed, problems develop in communicating with other children. The opposite situation often arises: a boy can begin to “defend” himself from the pressure of parental care with aggressive behavior, thus expressing childish disobedience.
Of course, getting rid of habits is not easy, but you need to understand that a child without the help of parents will not become the way we would like. To do this, he needs the help of adults and certain conditions. Do not limit the freedom of movement of the baby on a walk, do not take away from small "dangers" (a conflict in the sandbox with a peer, climbing over a low fence, etc.), but help to overcome difficulties, cheer.
2. Raising a boy. The child should have a role model
Regardless of whether the boy is raised by a single mother or he grows up in a complete family, you need to try to make sure that the image of a man, and quite attractive for boyish perception, is present in the life of the family.
Until the baby has grown up, he is quite satisfied that his mother spends most of his time with him, but after 3 years, when the child is separated from the mother both physically and personally, the boy begins to show more and more interest in men: dad, uncle , grandfather. And by the age of 6, it becomes extremely necessary for him to spend time with adult men, imitating them and imitating their behavior. And here the mother should make sure that her son has someone to communicate with.
Joint leisure with his father helps the boy to decide in life, to understand who he is. After all, only through communication with the father and other men the child masters the norms of male behavior, forms his own opinion. And the sooner dad starts raising his son, the sooner he will form a male stereotype of behavior.
But what if dad is not around? In this case, the mother needs to find among relatives or friends a person who could at least from time to time appear in the boy's life. For example, you can take the baby to the grandfather for the weekend and leave them soldering, planing and crafting together. And when the baby grows up, you should find him a sports section or circle, the leader of which is a man who really loves his job.
In addition, the image of a real man for your boy can be found not only among real people. For this purpose, imaginary characters are quite suitable. It is enough to find a book character that the son would like to look up to, hang a photo of a brave grandfather on the wall, talk about their ancestors and their courageous deeds. In other words, it is necessary to create for the son a microclimate conducive to his male development.
3. You can only raise a real man in a stable atmosphere.
First of all, a boy (however, like a girl) needs love and harmony in the family. A father should not be afraid to show tenderness to his son. With such things, he will not spoil the child, but will form his basic trust in the world and confidence in his loved ones. To love means to be indifferent to the problems and feelings of a child, to see a personality in him. A boy brought up sensitively and consistently grows up open, calm, self-confident, capable of sympathy, the manifestation of emotions.
4. Teach your boy to express his feelings freely.
It is important that the family does not have a ban on the expression of feelings. Crying is a natural manifestation of stress. So do not follow the stereotypes and scold the boy for tears. It’s just worth treating them as a signal that the child is ill, and not suppressing his emotions, but teaching him to express them, if possible, in a different way.
5. Admit your mistakes openly
How to raise a real man? Of course, by personal example, to show that you should always be responsible for your words. Moms and dads should be critical of themselves. If necessary, admit they were wrong and ask for forgiveness from their son, by doing this they will only strengthen their authority, showing justice.
6. Build empathy in your child
Cultivate moral qualities in the boy. Being still a preschooler, he can understand and do a lot, starting with helping his mother around the house and ending with respect for the elderly in transport. Such behavior should be "served" as the norm. To clean up the dishes, make the bed, give way to the grandmother on the bus - this is normal for the future man.
7. Raising a boy, encourage independence in him.
Great attention in the development of the boy should be given to his independence. Let him sometimes feel his significance and freedom. In the future, this will help him to become happy and successful, to maximize his potential. Boys tend to strive for self-assertion and leadership. This is very important for their further development. Therefore, it is necessary to encourage the son's desire to make his own choice, to think independently, to remind him that he is responsible for his actions.
8. Take your child to sports sections
Children need physical activity for full physical development. While the child is small, you need to walk with him more, let him run, jump, fall, climb, explore the world under the strict guidance of his parents. Later, time should be set aside in the son’s weekly schedule for the sports section, where he could improve his physical abilities and feel strong, dexterous, self-confident.
We agree in advance
Moms should take note of one "secret" in the contact between dad and child. Fathers are often afraid to stay with the baby for a long time because they feel insecure. Therefore, make dad's leisure time with the child as specific as possible.
For example, say, “Tomorrow I will be away on business for a couple of hours. Let's figure out what you could do with the baby. Or: “On Saturday, you will finally be able to build the hut that our boy has long dreamed of.” So you give the man a chance to mentally prepare for communication with the little one.
P.S. When communicating with a child, moms and dads should not be afraid to be funny, awkward or unsuccessful. Children, as you know, forgive their parents everything except falsehood and indifference.
star parents
Dmitry Dyuzhev and Vanya (5 years old)
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“The best method of raising a boy is love, I squeeze my son endlessly and kiss! My wife and I are cultivating self-sufficiency in Van, we want him not only to be calm and self-confident, but also to love people himself. And of course, don't overdo it. Let him spoil the carpets, if necessary, let him crawl into the ink, let the sand try - there is no need to ban it.
Alisa Grebenshchikova and Alyosha (5 years old)
“Alyosha grows up in a large family, where everyone has their own role. He sees how women behave, what they do. Our grandmother is responsible for comfort. With grandfathers he has manly games. We somehow went to the store with my son, and I suggested that he choose any toy. Alyosha opted for a chainsaw. He was 4 years old. “I will cut wood,” said the son. The fact is that he saw how grandfather does this in the country, who also removes the leaves and cleans the snow. Alyosha understands that all this is part of men's duties.
