Are there men who do not cheat? Which women are not cheated on by men? The opinion of a male psychologist. Better to pay attention to your woman
Andrey Shemyakin (28), Managing Partner of PR & Communications Company S.E.A., in search
You cannot change "accidentally". Only a weak person who has not found the strength to overcome a dangerous situation can change his soul mate.
I believe that you can always find another way to release emotions or rethink the situation. By cheating on your soul mate, you are first of all cheating on yourself, on your principles and attitudes, well-being and constancy.
I think cheating can destroy the relationship that you have created and protected for so long. You need to respect yourself and appreciate those around you. AND The best way to do this is to be faithful.
"Moral attitudes are kept from betrayal"
Alexander Sadchikov (39), candidate of technical sciences, married
Since childhood, I have the opinion that cheating is bad. My parents have been married for almost 40 years, and they always smiled, laughed: they had fun with each other. And at 20 and 50 years old. They had full-fledged family, while they remained a pair of lovers.
Maybe, subconsciously, I always wanted to build just such a relationship. I never had a desire to cheat on my beloved woman. I have been looking for my soul mate for a long time and really appreciate that she is with me. Lying and cheating complicates the relationship and puts the marriage at risk. And no one wants to lose their family.
"True love cannot be betrayed"
Sergey Krylov (29), entrepreneur, in a relationship
I have been married and have a long history of relationship. So I can say with confidence: if a man admits at least one thought of treason, then next to him is the wrong woman. It is better to let her go and find your true love, to which you will be faithful all your life.
There is also such a moment: why at the very beginning of a relationship do you not look at anyone but your beloved? Because during the candy-bouquet period, a man completely gives all his feelings to one woman. And only after some time, when passions fade away, he tries to make up for their lack on the side.
I believe the responsibility for maintaining the relationship lies with both. Therefore, a woman should not relax, always be in good shape, as on a first date. And a man must conquer her all his life.
"Life will always avenge treason"
Pasha Mavridi (28), TV reporter, engaged to
As a traitor in a string, I can say for sure - there is nothing worse than adultery! Deception, hypocrisy, shame are all accompanying male infidelity. You can hide the deception, but a month, a year, even five years will pass, and the secret will still become apparent. Life will surely take revenge! The boomerang effect always works. Therefore, you do not need to change, but it is better to tell the woman that you do not love, that you are tired, than to hug another behind your back.
It is believed that it is easier to meet a wrinkled dung than a faithful man. So do all men cheat? It's time to figure it out.
About womanizers
Of course, there is such a category of men - womanizers. They, as a rule, are not too picky in connections, and sometimes they are omnivorous. They are not preoccupied with moral issues, are often sex addicted and carry a heap of complexes on themselves. Going beyond this, you will have to come to terms with the fact that you will not be able to remake your spouse and you will have to endure all his adultery.
Why do men cheat?
We are interested in another category of men, fortunately the most numerous. They are tuned in to a strong and harmonious relationship with one woman, but they, under certain circumstances, are capable of cheating. So, do all men cheat on their wives? Statistics say that about 75% of men are affected by this weakness.
Serves as a signal that something has gone wrong in the relationship, some of his needs are not satisfied, some energy is missing.
For example, the wife does not show sensitivity, does not devote enough time to him, is not interested in his affairs. Perhaps the family is mired in problems, and the new romance allows the man to take a break from them, distract himself and, perhaps, remember himself as he was before marriage.
It happens that some people lack ease in relationships, flirting. After all, such a game of love raises the mood and vitality, but at the same time destroys the family.
So do all men cheat? Of course not, but almost any of them can be brought to treason.
What if my husband cheated?
If you suspect your husband of cheating, act to fix everything. Espionage and scandals are not included in the list of measures. For a start, you can try to discuss everything and ask him to clarify the situation.
This requires a certain amount of courage, you must be ready to receive a direct answer to a direct question, namely, to listen to a confession of treason. Do loving men cheat? Unfortunately yes. Are all women ready to accept this truth? Not everyone succeeds in forgiving and maintaining a relationship after such a revelation.
The main thing in such a situation is not to decide anything on emotions, not to listen to anyone's advice. It is better to take a time-out, let off steam and think, because you can break off relations at any time, but then it can be very difficult to recover, sometimes impossible.
There is no need to blame all the responsibility on the "vile traitor", both are always guilty of treason, of course, if we are not talking about womanizers.
How to behave if betrayal did happen? There is no definite answer to this question. It is important to decide for yourself whether you want to keep the relationship or not.
If you decide to keep the family, try to switch, not think about the bad, but on the contrary, remember all the good things that you had since the day of the meeting. It can be a honeymoon, family holidays, trips, childbirth.
During this period, try to communicate only with those who support you and believe in your marriage. Stay away from those who will try to make you feel guilty. If you cannot avoid communication, abstract yourself, focus on some scenario, for example, communicate with his parents as with your child's grandparents and ignore their lectures.
Do not communicate with “well-wishers” who consider it their duty to keep you informed of all the nuances of the development of relations between your husband and his mistress.
If you decide that you can no longer stay in a relationship, allow yourself to suffer. Set yourself strict time limits, such as giving yourself three days to grieve.
During this period, do whatever you want: cry, wear out, break the dishes. Let the grief come out of you. After that, you may want to sleep. Allow yourself to sleep and rest. Come to your senses and turn the page.
How to prevent cheating
Answer the question, can a man change if he receives from his wife everything he needs to be happy? Will he waste energy looking for what he already has in abundance? Unlikely.
The hardest part is to understand what your other half is missing. Unfortunately, people rarely talk about their problems and feelings, preferring to blame their partner and reward him with unflattering epithets. If everything were different, the situation could have been resolved without leading it to treason.
You need to accustom yourself to talk about your feelings, and using "I-statements": "I am offended", "I am angry", "I am upset", "I'm tired of it." Try not to use “you-statements”: “you offended me”, “you deceived”, “you are to blame”. You also do not need to step on your spouse's throat and demand, in an ultimatum, that he urgently admit what does not suit him in your relationship.
Start with yourself and be honest about your feelings. Soon, your partner will pick up the baton and also learn to talk about how they feel. The main thing is not just to listen, but to discuss and draw conclusions. Try to understand what your partner does not like and correct your behavior.
Fidelity in relationships is not a myth, it is possible, you just need to work on strengthening them together. The secret to harmony is simple - do for your partner what he loves and do not do what he does not like.
Who's guilty?
Let us now understand in more detail the reasons for betrayal, and change. Most often, a woman is accused of male infidelity: she lost her shape after giving birth, did not suit him in bed, did not take care of herself. The man, on the other hand, is justified by explaining the trips to the left by his penchant for polygamy. What to do if the husband went on a spree and how to fix everything?
Let's find out for a start who is to blame. According to psychologists, responsibility for actions lies with those who commit them. According to recent research, both men and women are polygamous by nature. But shouldn't we, as intelligent beings, think about the consequences of our actions and control our animal instincts? The ability to control desires does not depend on gender.
Excess weight, loss of attractiveness, lack of sex are not the main reasons for cheating, because they cheat on young beauties, celebrities, and ordinary girls. What's the secret? Is it possible to protect yourself from cheating?
Can! First you need to understand yourself, understand your essence, get to know your subpersonalities, their desires and needs, and then get to know your partner's hypostases, his desires and needs.
What for? To make it easier to understand and accept each other, without trying to fit into the generally accepted standards of an ideal husband or wife. After all, infidelity most often happens due to a reluctance to accept something in a partner. Most often these are those aspects of his personality that are rejected by our culture and morality.
Imagine now that a person appears in his life who will take these features of him. He will not ridicule or condemn, but on the contrary, will appreciate and take for granted, help to open up. What is the likelihood that this is where he will try to satisfy his needs?
So, now everything is allowed? Of course not, but people have certain feelings that are of paramount importance and they just need to be expressed. Often, wives require their men to be not just good boys, but excellent girls in starched aprons. They just want to make their husbands comfortable, and they need to be wild and angry sometimes.
So, let's talk about the main reasons for cheating and how to get out of the situation.
Birth of a child
Perhaps the most common reason. Not all couples go through this test. The appearance of a baby changes the whole way of life of the family, all the time of the woman is devoted to the child, and if we add here sleepless nights, disruptions in sexual life, lack of attention and an elementary opportunity to communicate in a calm atmosphere, the child becomes for her husband not just an obstacle, but sometimes a competitor. All this makes a man look for happiness on the side.
What to do? Set aside time for your husband. Better not to give a damn about cleaning, but find time for sex. He will forgive you the dust on the dresser, but the lack of intimacy is unlikely, and you will agree, you will like this lesson more.
Violation of personal space
Almost every man has a passion. Someone plays hockey, someone plays billiards on Fridays, someone has the largest collection of photographs of Maya Plisetskaya, someone cannot imagine their life without World of Tanks, and someone goes to the bathhouse on Saturdays. And if women are willing to sacrifice their hobbies, most men are not. Therefore, if you forbid your husband to do what he loves, it will ruin your relationship and alienate him from you. The husband will have the feeling that you are choking him, restricting his freedom.
Of course, if you need his help, just ask your spouse to postpone your favorite pastime this time, but do not put ultimatums, do not demand or pressure him. Respect his hobbies, or better yet, share, it will benefit your relationship.
Jealousy
A disgusting feeling that has destroyed many families. By jealousy, you destroy the image of the desired woman that has developed in relation to you with your husband. By doubting yourself, you make him think that there are other, more worthy women, and you yourself can push him to betrayal. Jealous from scratch, you cause aggression in a man, and he gradually loses interest in you. Can change loving man in this situation? The answer is obvious.
What to do? Work on yourself, become an independent person. Then you will simply draw his attention even more.
Financial difficulties
A man is a breadwinner. Bringing home a mammoth, especially if this mammoth is large, it feels like real tough guy... Unfortunately, financial stability is a variable value, and if money problems begin in a family, this greatly affects a man's pride.
If, in addition, his wife begins to humiliate his dignity, constantly remind him of failure and escalate the situation, the relationship can be completely upset. Do all men cheat on their wives if they constantly hit their pride? Perhaps not all, many simply end the relationship.
Tell your man that he is strong, that he will succeed. Inspire and he will move mountains!
Lack of sex
An unsatisfied man will look for a woman on the side, and this is the law. And no matter how often you have sex, the main thing here is its quality. Nine percent of cheating occurs due to dissatisfaction with sex life, statistics say. Do all men cheat if their wives do not satisfy them in bed? Majority!
Study your man, talk to him, discuss sexual issues and share your desires. He wants to be a good lover, so let him do it, let him try for you. Otherwise, he decides to become a good lover for someone else.
We would like to think that the man we are dating will never cheat on us. But the truth is, cheating happens, and quite often.
Men are cheating: sometimes to us, sometimes to us. We are constantly trying to understand why they are doing this. And there can be many reasons for this: this is a lack of open and close communication in a relationship, when a man does not feel that a woman understands his needs and desires.
If it is difficult to deal with this, then we will go from the opposite. What can make a man never cheat on his woman? Here's what they say themselves:
- 1. This is education.
- 3. It is expensive to change.
- 5. The consequences are worse than the process.
- 7. I don't want anyone else.
- 8. Appreciate what you have.
- 9. The game is not worth the candle.
1. This is education.
“This is how I was brought up. My father was a family lawyer; as a child, I often visited his office and heard how cheating ruined families and lives. At the age of 12, I swore that I would never do that myself, and never did that. "
2. When a woman loves him for who he is.
“It's not just about sex. Of course, good sex helps. But the main thing is that a woman accepts me for who I am. Men don't like it when someone tries to change them. "
3. It is expensive to change.
“To be honest, it’s cheaper to support only your wife than to lose her and look for another.”
4. Too many experiences are not sexy.
“Every time I start fantasizing about passionate sex with a stranger, my hands start to sweat from anxiety. And it's not just the fear of being caught. After all, this means that I will have to lie, remember my lies, start a sexual relationship with a new person, get used to and adapt, and of course, imagine the reaction of family, friends and wife if everything becomes known. At the same time, no matter how good sex is, it does not compensate for all these experiences, which are not at all sexual. "
5. The consequences are worse than the process.
“Of course, there is definitely something dizzy in feeling the attention of another woman, her desire for you, the novelty of sex, some kind of animal passion. But then, after all, three consequences await anyway: you will be caught, you will be tormented by a feeling of guilt, and nothing, emptiness. I would not want to realize that I have no conscience at all in relation to my relationship and my woman. "
6. Better to show attention and improve your relationship with your woman.
“It's not really hard to spend 5 minutes to show attention to your girlfriend. To hug her in passing, massage her neck while she cooks something in the kitchen, open a bottle of wine and relax with her. Emotional closeness cannot be betrayed. "
7. I don't want anyone else.
"When I'm in a relationship, I only spend my time and energy on that person, and I'm not interested in anyone else."
8. Appreciate what you have.
“Sexual satisfaction from sex, on the other hand, is fleeting. If you have children, you have to think about what kind of example you are setting for them. Appreciate the life you have. Solve the problems that made you want to cheat on your wife. True love will make your sex more passionate and satisfying. "
9. The game is not worth the candle.
“Secs are great, but they are not much different from each other. Yes, the other woman may be a little prettier, more experienced or naive, but in general, everything is the same. And if everything is found out, it will cost a lot. "
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“In my entire life I have met only one man who did not cheat on his wife - this is the one-legged guard of our municipal bathhouse Vasily Tarasovich, - shares his experience Cook Zinaida... “But this good fellow had a number of shortcomings, not counting the absence of one leg: he mumbled disgustingly with his toothless mouth, regularly went into binges and, although he worked in a local bathhouse, he washed no more than once a month.”
Architect Valentina also does not believe that a successful, prosperous, attractive man can be absolutely true: “I think that almost all representatives of the stronger sex cheat on their wives, if they are given the opportunity. The only difference is that some men walk in the open ... And others value marriage, know how to “encrypt” well, create an “iron” alibi for themselves ahead of time, before going all out with another sweetheart ”.
Who knows Petya from Vologda?
“A few days ago, out of nothing to do, I decided to check my husband's mobile phone. No suspicious SMS was found, ”says engineer Ekaterina.
Then the meticulous woman began to "ring" all the people designated in notebook phone ... This experiment brought quite unexpected results. Under the name "Egor Vasilyevich, plumber" the phone number of the salon of intimate services was recorded. Moreover, the salon administrator confirmed that the owner of this phone is their regular customer.
The contact "Petya from Vologda" hid the phone number of Lyudochka, a seductive accountant with her husband's job. Moreover, this lady just divorced her husband. Under the name "Vasya" Katya's husband wrote down the phone number of his former passionate Elena, with whom, according to his assurances, he had long ceased contact ...
“Of course, it’s not good to dig in someone else’s mobile without asking ... Now I don’t even know what to do with the information that has opened up. No wonder they say: the less you know - you sleep better! " - Ekaterina sums up her investigation.
By old age, they will walk up!
"By the age of seventy, after two suffered heart attacks, men are usually no longer drawn to intimate exploits. Walked up! But at this age, they already lose interest in their own spouse, "- expresses his position wife with 47 years of experience Galina... According to Galina, "polygamy is inherent in male nature, and nothing can be done about it."
An elderly woman emphasizes that adultery in itself, especially single ones, does not yet indicate the unsuitability of a man for family life: “A husband can sincerely and reverently love his wife, take care of her and the children, be happy in marriage ... And at the same time“ have fun on the side ”, especially when his wife is not around."
Oxytocin is not enough? Or conscience?
“During intimacy, women produce the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for the formation of emotional attachment,” says the St. Petersburg sexologist Oleg Ustinov... - For physiological reasons, men produce this hormone in much smaller quantities. That is why a man can, say, love one woman all his life, but at the same time enjoy intimate relationships with many ladies. "
A significant number of men share love and sex. They refer to intimate relationships as "physical release." Unfaithful husbands justify themselves by saying that physical betrayal does not mean spiritual betrayal.
Painter-plasterer Evgeniya skeptical about the lack of oxytocin. “I think that traitors do not lack oxytocin, but honor and conscience! - the woman says emotionally. “I still believe that faithful men exist and they make up the majority.”
Betrayal cannot be justified
Olga programmer declares: “Any talk of supposedly natural male polygamy is disgusting to me. A person should act not on the basis of animal instincts, but obeying the voice of reason. If a gentleman appreciates and loves his wife, then he will not cheat on her. "
Graphic artist Antonina also is not going to put up with male infidelity: “Cheating is a betrayal. And betrayal can never be justified by anything! "
In her life, she has not faced such problems: “My husband Valery is a bright, attractive man who is liked by many women. And at the same time, for 19 years of marriage, he never gave a reason to doubt his loyalty. "
Look for your soul mate!
“I am categorically against both female and male infidelities,” says woodcarver Constantine... - I love and respect my wife and would never inflict such a wound on her ... I can advise all readers: look for your kindred spirit! If you find "your man", then he will never cheat on you. "
Konstantin admits that he, like most men, draws attention on the street and in public places to attractive young ladies. But these temptations are not capable of shaking his loyalty: “In accordance with Orthodox canons, the unity of husband and wife is akin to the unity of Christ and the Church. Adultery is a sin for every Christian ... I always remember that at home a real treasure awaits me - faithful, faithful, loving wife... As a man I try to be worthy of her. "
All women dream, because this is a reliable partner, next to whom it will always be comfortable. Many believe that there are no men who do not cheat, but in fact there are examples of how a man remained faithful to his beloved.
On the Internet, you can find a huge number of tests of materials regarding which men cheat, and how to determine their inclination. But if you are looking for a partner and want to know what he is capable of, you will have to make every effort and study him carefully. Your attention is invited to information about which men do not cheat.
Can choose a fat man?
American scientists argue that overweight men cheat least of all. Among the representatives of the stronger sex with normal weight, 75% turned out to be unfaithful, while among those, the current suffers from overweight - only 25%. How can this be explained? Firstly, fat people less active, and in order to find a mistress, you need to make an effort. And, secondly, such men are less attractive to the fairer sex.
Few people want to have sex with a fat man, because friends may misunderstand, and it is not very pleasant for herself to enter into an intimate relationship with such a partner. Therefore, it is logical that the less attractive a man is, the less chance he has. Some of them make efforts, but fail, others do not even try, realistically assessing their chances in advance.
Or is it a man's intellectual development?
British scientists argue differently: the least likely to change are those men who have a high level of mental abilities. Experts say that clever man will not start an affair that could negatively affect his family life. They also do not need a constant change of partners, because they chose a soul mate for a long time and carefully.
In any case, you should pay attention to it. mental capacity, so as not to live a lot of years with a person with whom there is not even anything to talk about. But if a man is not stupid, he will not disclose the fact of betrayal in any case, even to British scientists who conduct these studies.
But what about intimate life and male infidelity?
There are also those experts who claim that the brighter and more interesting intimate life with partners, the less likely a man will cheat. Oral sex for many is a favorite type of intimate pleasures, so it is quite logical that a man will not have to go "to the left". If his beloved wife realizes all his fantasies, it is highly likely that he will not cheat.
Classification of men who do not cheat
1. Sissy and male infidelity... She put all the best in him and gave him years of her life to raise himself the best man... He is grateful to her, because he knows perfectly well how she loves him and how she cares about him. The problem is that he is so much accustomed to this care that he can no longer live without it. He will look for a woman who will replace his mother and will perform the same functions. He will be grateful and submissive, and will project his love for his mother onto his wife.
This is why he will faithful and attentive, because the model of behavior in the family was formed in him in childhood. But there is also a downside to the coin - he can become henpecked. What is it fraught with? The fact that without the advice or order of his wife, he will not be able to do anything. This applies to both everyday and professional issues. He is used to receiving clear directions and following specific assignments. It is impossible to re-educate him, but if you want a faithful husband, the main thing is to evaluate his pluses and not focus on the minuses.
2. The responsible person is incapable of... The exact opposite of the first type. She is used to taking responsibility and blames only herself for everything. He knows perfectly well what will happen if he changes, so he does not dare to do such actions.
He constantly too much a lot of things to do and plans, so he tries to keep up with everything and not clog his head with extraneous thoughts. If something does not go the way he would like, he blames himself for everything. That is why betrayal is unacceptable for him.
3. Passive man is incapable of treason... He does not need a lot of sex, often intimate moments begin with the harassment of his wife. He doesn't really need regular intercourse. Such men are found quite often, and their passivity does not depend on how their wives manifest themselves in bed.
Passive men they like to spend time on the couch or in bed, attend boring events and do not get much pleasure from communicating with a group of friends. This behavior is a consequence not only of laziness, but also of a person's character. Often such men do not accept their sexuality, which is a certain deviation from the norm.
Wives passive husbands can be calm and easy going even on a business trip. But be careful, such passivity can be feigned in order to enjoy the company of another woman at the right time.
4. A decent man is incapable of treason... Since childhood, he has formed persistent life principles, which he will not violate even at gunpoint. What is the reason for this? With the example that his parents set him, and the desire to be perfect and pure in their actions.
Such men carefully monitor their thoughts and actions and constantly monitor themselves. Usually they create strong families and are faithful to their beloved wife until the end of their days. If you are looking for the perfect husband, then take a closer look at the representatives of this particular category.
