What if the husband is a mama's son. Psychologist's advice on how to live with such a man. “My wife spends all her free time with my mother. My wife communicates a lot with my mother.
Unbelievable, author, a 1-in-1 situation like mine. If you read, tell me how it ended.I'm 30, girl 25, on the verge of disintegration, now offended, moved out to live with my mother.
We met and began to live with her mother, where she lived. Naturally for me, it was a temporary option, tk. for a long time he lived far from his parents and was used to solving everything for himself. And her mother sat at home at a laptop, on purchased sick leave, and her daughter was busy around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking to the hospital, and so on. At first I wanted to help, it was a pity, it was work, and they also force me at home. Then her mother decided when, where, why she had to go, there was practically no life of her own. While I was working they went shopping or somewhere else and always everywhere her mother was the initiator. I'm tired of it, scandals began, my mother-in-law is offended, expresses to her daughter, my daughter tells me that she just helps her and nothing special. I forgot to say that the girl had a son, she was 2 years old at that time. Somehow persuaded to rent an apartment and move. Very convenient, our work, garden 5 min. on foot. We didn't get married, although we wanted to. She goes to her mother every other day at least, they call up every day, then take her to the hospital, then cook, clean, pay for housing and communal services, in general, everything. Everything is complicated by the fact that she, mom, is very sick, and it is really hard for her to do all this now. I am not against help, but the constant feeling of her mother's presence is exhausting. If we have a scandal, and she refuses her, then she will scandal. I stopped communicating with my mother-in-law. And the girl communicates and drives as if nothing had happened. I swear, communicate and drive while I'm away. Once we had a fight, he said that he was against her going to one place, at the behest of her mother, she went anyway. And so we lived for 2 years, with a double life, it seems that we had our own plans, on the other hand, you know that there is still a mother who is not going to let her go anywhere.
The girl honestly tried to refuse her somehow, but she made tantrums, a bad daughter, blackmail, threats. Then she stopped, and we fought, often. I also hate her mother, as she tried to put up, she says that she will buy her a car, despite the fact that we have, so that she has her own, I kind of don't give a car sometimes. And the girl is tired of everything, but she doesn't want to leave her mother, and I'm not ready to be the third. The husband is the head of the family and the head of the wife, not the mother, I think so. In short, a vicious circle. And now I am thinking either to leave her with her mother, or to endure, to expect that she will move away from her, but this can be waited all my life, this is education.
I love her very much, so I endure, I came to my mother-in-law, she says I am to blame, I left money for them to live on. The girl does not communicate with me, wants to leave, I try to return her, I write sms hating, I apologize. But I myself think whether it is worth it, or whether it will be resigned. I love the girl, although it seems she doesn't really appreciate it. I, too, tortured her with scandals, but I was tired of enduring them with a close union with my mother. My parents help us, they give the child and her gifts, it's not enough for me, I don't mind, her mother didn't help, but we always owe her, and the girl still doesn't oppose it. Also, her mother was not her mother, but adopted.
Maybe I'm wrong in something, advise, is there a way out, or just go?
Among men there are such characters whom women affectionately call "mama's son". Recognizing it is not easy at first. When we are in love, we tend to close our eyes to certain characteristics of a man. Meanwhile, already at the beginning of the relationship, looking closely at him, you can recognize him as a "mama's boy." In our article we will talk about the situation if the husband is a mama's son. What to do in this case - more on that below.
Who is mama's boy?
There is no clear definition of this term in psychology. However, in a nutshell, the mama's son is a person who is very much attached to his mother. At a fairly mature age, serious psychological dependence on the mother can become a problem. Normal family life it is rather difficult to line up with this type of men.
Who is a mama's boy and what are his signs?
Mother is an example in everything
Mama's sons very often listen to their mother. And it's not that they ask her for advice. Here the situation is different: its solution is the only correct and indisputable one. The husband imitates her in everything, having no voice of his own.
Constant phone calls to mom
This can be a serious problem if your husband has frequent and extended interactions with his mom throughout the day. You sorely lack his attention, he first of all discusses all his problems with his mother.
In conflict on the mother's side
A mother's son in a situation of family conflict will always take the position of a mother, and this, unfortunately, is very unpleasant. Even if you think you are right, it is extremely difficult to argue with your spouse.
Mom is always there
You and your husband can live far from your mother, however, you constantly feel that she is near. The husband calls her, consults with her on all issues, listens only to her. This can be very stressful and frustrating in your relationship.
Can't make a big decision
Think, if a spouse, in the event of a sensitive issue, postpones the decision, or shifts it to you, then most likely your husband is a mama's son. What to do in such a situation? Try to leave the final answer for your husband, after all, it is he who is the head of the family, and let him be responsible for his choice.
Comparison with mom
Mommy's son loves to compare you with his mom, giving you her as an example. Often times, the choice is not in your favor. It is best to stay away from such a man.
These signs and much more can significantly poison family life. How to deal with the constant monitoring of his mom, and is it worth it, you ask? Definitely worth it if you love your husband and are determined to win.
Women's tricks in dealing with mama's son
Below we will look at a few little feminine tricks that can help you reduce the heat of your relationship with your spouse.
Make friends with mother-in-law
This is the first and most important rule that you must follow. The best way to get to know the enemy better is to be close to him. Love your mother-in-law, because she gave birth to such a wonderful son, you yourself chose him and still fell in love for something. Praise her, make it clear to your husband's mother that her opinion is very important to you. In no case do not resist their meetings - this will only ruin the relationship with your husband.
Turn on the actress
At first glance, the first piece of advice may seem nearly impossible. But we are women, and at the right time we know how to be actresses. If the mother-in-law advises you something - listen to her, or even better - do as she wants. If something does not grow together, show the mother-in-law that you did everything as she asked, be nice at the same time. There is artistic ability in every woman, try it.
Be smarter
Create conditions for your husband in which he will have to be independent. For example, separate the solution of household issues - one is responsible for the purchase of food, the other is for cooking, or payment utilities... Don't drag everything on yourself.
Praise your spouse more
This is very important because even a little compliment can make your husband more independent. Gradually, he will get used to the fact that something can depend on him. Perhaps he will like this new status very much.
Accept your position
Psychologists advise - to let go of the situation. Fighting a mother-in-law is a useless and futile exercise. The main thing that you must understand is that you are now the head of the family, your husband is simply not capable of this. If you are ready for this, then it makes sense to continue living in a marriage.
How to live with her husband - mama's son?
The first thing that comes to mind is a divorce. Not every woman is ready to share her beloved man with his mother, and this is understandable. In a situation where the husband is a mama's son, the main thing is not to forget about your interests.
To prevent your mother-in-law from becoming the reason for your separation from your spouse, try changing the rules of the game, using the advice of psychologists.
Personal life is not discussed
Mother-in-law can also be a role model
If a husband obeys his mother in everything, and her opinion is an authority for him, this is a reason for you to try to become like her. Try to be like her in something: in words, deeds, in manners, so you will only bring your husband closer to you.
The further - the closer
When the mother's influence on her husband is large enough, the most optimal thing is to move away from her. Best of all - to another city. This will help your man grow up much faster.
Unleash your emotions
It is not always possible to keep everything in yourself - this way you will only harm your health. Does something not suit you? Get angry! The husband should know that you are extremely unhappy with his actions. You can discuss the problem on the forum with the same "neighbors in misfortune", it is sometimes much easier for a stranger to speak out. In an argument with your husband, beware of criticizing his mother, talk only about your feelings.
No manipulation
Mama's son often gives out the point of view of his parents for his opinion. If you feel that he really cannot think so - do not be silent about it! Directly ask why he decided so and what are the arguments for this.
In conclusion, we want to say that if your husband and mother-in-law still do not perceive you, and she is always invisibly present in your family, then maybe it is worth letting go of such a man? Or talk directly and toughly with your mother-in-law - there is definitely nothing to lose, let it not interfere with your personal life. You are an adult and self-confident woman, the mother of her grandchildren, therefore you have the right to self-respect.
Everyone a person creates a family with the hope that until the end of his days he will live with his spouse in love and harmony, raising his children together and sharing the joy of his grandchildren. But over the years of living together, most married couples have love gradually fading away and it becomes clear that their marriage has come to an end. There are 8 signs that indicate that it is time for spouses to break up, rather than trying to maintain a relationship that only brings pain and deprives both spouses of a chance for happiness. So, what are the signs that you can understand that your marriage has come to an end:
1. Lack of desire to please and surprise... If the spouse is indifferent to what her wife looks like, but she has no desire to please her husband delicious dishes and to do him pleasure, then this is the beginning of the end. Absolute indifference to what the spouse is doing is a characteristic sign of a lack of love. If you are late at work or go on a business trip for a long time, and your wife or husband does not call you and does not write SMS, then it’s time to think about whether it is worth living with a person who does not need you. But jealousy and resentment should not be confused with cooling feelings. Think about whether you still want to please your spouse with an expensive gift? If your answer is yes, then you just need to talk heart to heart with your spouse.
2. There is no desire to communicate with a spouse... Often a husband and wife come home, have dinner in silence, and then go to different rooms, where each of them does his own business. Joint conversation and communication tires them. If you are just waiting for your spouse to leave home, and you can enjoy loneliness, and your every conversation with him turns into a quarrel, then you no longer have to expect a happy end to such a relationship. In this case, it is better to part than to try to maintain a relationship, cause each other suffering and drag "a suitcase without a handle."
3. Sleep separately... If a husband and wife sleep in different rooms, and they have sex just for show, then this is a sure sign of fading away. Aloofness and unwillingness to have sex with a partner suggests that the person is no longer close. Sharing a bed, touching while sleeping and talking in the dark play an important role in family relationships, and sleeping separately are mainly those spouses who have caught a partner of treason or are very jealous of him.
You should not test each other's patience, the lack of intimate relationships sooner or later leads to betrayal. If during sex the expressions "nightmare", "dirt", "torment" and "why am I putting up with this?" Come to your mind, then just let go of your partner and give him the opportunity to find his happiness. And start looking for new relationships that will bring you peace of mind and sexual satisfaction.
4. Do not want to spend leisure time together... Ask yourself if you would like your spouse to be present at your friend's birthday party. If you think that he will only ruin your mood on a festive evening and that it is better for you to relax in the company of friends or girlfriends without him, then you are most likely going to part with your spouse. In this case, it is worth saving the marriage only for the sake of the children, but even here it is necessary to think about whether the child will benefit from living together in the same house of essentially strangers. If you are in no rush to go home after work and try your best free time spend in the company of friends, this is also a sign of an exhausted relationship.
5. You think you love two at once... All people are to some extent polygamous, everyone in their youth wants to please not only their partner, but also to hear compliments and to accept courtship from others. The desire to "try an apple from someone else's garden" is present in everyone up to 45-50 years old, although not everyone admits this and decides to cheat. But if it seems to you that you love two at once, then you will have to part with your spouse. Because if he was really dear to you, then the second simply would not exist.
6. Avarice in relation to the spouse... The first sign of a husband's cooling off is his unwillingness to spend on the needs of his wife. If he stopped buying you gifts and paying for you, then he no longer cares what you think of him. There is no need to create illusions that the husband has begun to earn less or become more economical. He simply decided for himself that you became a stranger for him, and he should only provide for his relatives and friends.
7. You are constantly comparing your spouse to others.... My friend is happily married, but her husband went bald early. I somehow tactlessly asked her if her attitude towards her husband had changed after he lost his hair, and with it his former beauty. A friend with a smile replied that she did not even notice that her husband was bald, he remained for her the most beloved and dear person, as he was before. If you began to believe that your spouse has changed a lot and is now not worthy of admiration, then do not torture him further and let him go. There is no need to constantly humiliate him and compare with others, say that this other is more educated, stronger, richer and cooler. The neighbor is always better, but his own is dearer. If your own does not seem more beautiful, then this is a sign that your marriage has come to an end.
8. You are constantly humiliated... If your spouse constantly humiliates you, insults you with obscene words, or even raises his hand, then he no longer values your attitude towards him. No matter how much we are told that we need to part with those to whom we no longer feel any feelings, unfortunately, many of us do not have enough determination to be the first to take this crucial step. An obstacle to this can be common children, the need to share property, financial difficulties and a habit.
We tolerate humiliation and try not to see that we have long ceased to be respected. Moreover, we are trying in vain to refresh feelings that have long been gone, we are anticipated by lovers in order to preserve the family and not deprive the children of their father or mother. Is it worth doing this? Maybe it's better to immediately break off the relationship and part, than to regret in old age that life has passed, and there was no happiness, and there is no?
Unbelievable, author, a 1-in-1 situation like mine. If you read, tell me how it ended.I'm 30, girl 25, on the verge of disintegration, now offended, moved out to live with my mother.
We met and began to live with her mother, where she lived. Naturally for me, it was a temporary option, tk. for a long time he lived far from his parents and was used to solving everything for himself. And her mother sat at home at a laptop, on purchased sick leave, and her daughter was busy around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking to the hospital, and so on. At first I wanted to help, it was a pity, it was work, and they also force me at home. Then her mother decided when, where, why she had to go, there was practically no life of her own. While I was working they went shopping or somewhere else and always everywhere her mother was the initiator. I'm tired of it, scandals began, my mother-in-law is offended, expresses to her daughter, my daughter tells me that she just helps her and nothing special. I forgot to say that the girl had a son, she was 2 years old at that time. Somehow persuaded to rent an apartment and move. Very convenient, our work, garden 5 min. on foot. We didn't get married, although we wanted to. She goes to her mother every other day at least, they call up every day, then take her to the hospital, then cook, clean, pay for housing and communal services, in general, everything. Everything is complicated by the fact that she, mom, is very sick, and it is really hard for her to do all this now. I am not against help, but the constant feeling of her mother's presence is exhausting. If we have a scandal, and she refuses her, then she will scandal. I stopped communicating with my mother-in-law. And the girl communicates and drives as if nothing had happened. I swear, communicate and drive while I'm away. Once we had a fight, he said that he was against her going to one place, at the behest of her mother, she went anyway. And so we lived for 2 years, with a double life, it seems that we had our own plans, on the other hand, you know that there is still a mother who is not going to let her go anywhere.
The girl honestly tried to refuse her somehow, but she made tantrums, a bad daughter, blackmail, threats. Then she stopped, and we fought, often. I also hate her mother, as she tried to put up, she says that she will buy her a car, despite the fact that we have, so that she has her own, I kind of don't give a car sometimes. And the girl is tired of everything, but she doesn't want to leave her mother, and I'm not ready to be the third. The husband is the head of the family and the head of the wife, not the mother, I think so. In short, a vicious circle. And now I am thinking either to leave her with her mother, or to endure, to expect that she will move away from her, but this can be waited all my life, this is education.
I love her very much, so I endure, I came to my mother-in-law, she says I am to blame, I left money for them to live on. The girl does not communicate with me, wants to leave, I try to return her, I write sms hating, I apologize. But I myself think whether it is worth it, or whether it will be resigned. I love the girl, although it seems she doesn't really appreciate it. I, too, tortured her with scandals, but I was tired of enduring them with a close union with my mother. My parents help us, they give the child and her gifts, it's not enough for me, I don't mind, her mother didn't help, but we always owe her, and the girl still doesn't oppose it. Also, her mother was not her mother, but adopted.
Maybe I'm wrong in something, advise, is there a way out, or just go?
