Bachelorhood or bachelorhood as it should be. The life of a bachelor: pros and cons. Conditions for the development of the psyche. necessary and sufficient
Sometimes, married men recall their bachelor life with nostalgia. What has changed after marriage? We have conducted a short survey and will tell you what married men lack.
Less frequent family dinners
When a man gets married, the number of visits to family events with your relatives doubles. This was not the case in his bachelor life. So consider your husband's personal space: if you are going to your parents for Christmas, rent a hotel (if finances allow, of course), and do not stay in your parents' house. This will make your loved one feel right at home.
Become more stylish
If your husband dresses tastelessly, then it is not his fault, but, most likely, yours. Become a stylist for him, starting with a small one: "Shirts of light shades suit you this way!", Or point out something in the store, adding that it would look wonderful on your man.
Sometimes buying meaningless things
Did your husband buy a rare baseball with the signature of a famous player? And what did you say, “Congratulations. I thought we were saving up for vacation? At least sometimes indulge even the not entirely justified desires of your husband. We are not talking about constant unjustified squandering. But if your loved one does not abuse his "hobby", try not to react, because the man will begin to feel inferior and dependent when they start to reprimand him.
Have a woman who always listened to you carefully
Men feel needed and in demand when they are listened to attentively and enthusiastically. But in family life it is difficult for a woman to take such stories that she has already heard a million times. But in case your husband begins to retell another story in a new circle, do not interrupt it with the phrase: "Yes, I have already heard that." What should you take 5 minutes to listen to? Just a couple of questions and your spouse is happy. If this option does not suit you, then when meeting your husband from work, kiss him and ask him with interest about the past day.
Be awkward
Sometimes men make a little chaos - to scatter their things without feeling the strange look of their wife on themselves. When you scold your husband for scattered things, you look more like an angry parent than your beloved. If your husband cannot live in a tidied house, then divide the household duties by giving him those that he most often "breaks": leaves dirty dishes - let him wash the dishes, scatter things - let them fold and wash.
Don't feel constant emotional attacks
As a bachelor, he only solved his own problems. And now yours have naturally shifted onto his shoulders. Before complaining about your colleague and other incidents after work, wait at least half an hour for your spouse to come to his senses after work. And then you can already talk about the "painful".
Make small decisions
Men often indulge the desires of women and give them the right to choose in such matters as: what radio station to listen to in the car, what color of walls to choose, where to go on vacation ... Try to involve your husband in solving such trifles, replacing the wording “Let's do / see / choose this ”To“ What would you like to do / see / choose ”. Try to find a compromise in everything.
Evaluate other women
Men love with their eyes, so it is quite normal for them to appreciate a passing woman. And if you constantly pay attention to this, a man feels like a guilty little child. He just appreciates the beauty, and not necessarily going to drag this woman into bed. If your spouse does not know how to "evaluate" so that no one notices, but does it openly, then share with him your admiration for a phrase similar to the following: "Yes, you are right, she is really a hot thing."
Experts from the University of California conducted a large-scale social survey that confirmed the claims of scientists from the American Psychological Association. Their research also confirms that bachelors are happier.
“Loners have a heightened sense of self-determination. They are also constantly in the process of self-development, and value their profession more than relationships. "
Another bonus of the "single" life, proven by scientists: single men have stronger bonds with relatives, colleagues and friends.
Source: depositphotos.com
Gathered an editorial board, consulted, and collected 20 more reasons why being single is cool. Read and be glad that there is no permanent woman in your life. And if you do decide to start it, then think about whether you are ready to give up the things listed below.
This is the day when you can not strain at all, not go shopping, not waste tons of money. This is an ordinary day when you can have a drink, come home, lie on the couch, watch TV, without the slightest sense of duty or obligation to anyone.
Jewelry and lingerie stores
You can always walk past them.
"Important" dates
That is, the day of acquaintance, the wedding anniversary, the name day of her mother. You will never forget them, for they are not there.
Payday
This is the only date you shouldn't forget.
Tableware
She has the right to her own “life”.
Socks
Socks can also live wherever they like.
"Delay"
It's just a word for you.
Movies
You can watch what you want. And as much as you want.
Here are a dozen awesome 2016 men's movies that you should watch:
Plate
Nobody crawls into your plate with the words “I can try, I’m a little bit, oh, how delicious, but you can still”.
To eat
In general, you can eat anything, as much as you want, and anywhere. And no one will tell you anything.
Stoke
The drain in your bathroom / washbasin is not clogged with hair.
"Minimalism"
With dozens of bottles, you don't need to look for your shaving foam.
To shave
You don't have to shave at all. For this does not bother anyone.
Family holidays
You don't need to spend with your family. After all, by and large you do not have it.
"Likes"
You can like beauties in social networks as much as you like.
Why in all publications related to the shortcomings of a bachelor life, the basis is taken by some beggar, completely deprived of the attention of women, or some grymza that men pay attention to only if she works as a trolleybus controller and caught them as a stowaway? And if this is a beauty who does not want a golden cage, or a nymphomaniac whose needs for sex will never be satisfied by a single man?
Actually, bachelor life is of two types: when they do not want to and when they cannot. The difference is fundamental, since in the first case, a person leads a life full of activity, including sexual activity, and in the second, he is driven into thinking that he cannot lead this life, and often does not even know why this is happening.
In general, getting married or getting married is a simple matter, it is much more cunning to arrange everything so that several years of marriage do not make a life's tale a horror film. So read now, what you will have to give up and for the sake of which something has to be done.
Pros of bachelorhood
As for the pluses, they are obvious. So, the main postulate in favor of bachelors can be considered the presence of freedom. It is freedom in all its manifestations, starting with freedom of speech and ending with freedom of action and body, when no bonds, except legislative ones, hang over bachelors.
The second is the absence of joint responsibility, which, although considered honorable, nevertheless imposes a very heavy burden, which many cannot bear even in half with the other half.
The third point is the absence of evaluative categories. Any person reacts extremely painfully to the assessment of his appearance, mind, professional and everyday skills, and especially from the lips of a person with whom he is connected by something more. Marriage is famous for such situations, in which not everyone can not break.
The absence of a financial burden affects men and women in different ways, but it puts pressure on both of them unequivocally. The family always lacks money, while the bachelor has such problems to the extent that, besides, it is always easier to provide one than two, three or four. The absence of communication problems is also an important factor in the advantages of a bachelor life. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and so on all life - only super-communicative people can do this, who are extremely rare in this life.
A bachelor is a child outside the care of parents. Yes, on the one hand, there is not enough mother's cabbage soup, you wake up for work and do not have time to keep track of your appearance, but what a tremendous satisfaction that you do not owe anyone anything and are free to do whatever you want. You can come home at any time or not come at all. You can bring your friends or girlfriends. You are free to do everything that your parents did not allow, and that your wife / husband will definitely not allow, and this is a really big plus, since the craving for permissiveness lives in every person and only at the cost of incredible efforts of will does he restrain it in marriage.
Commitment means responsibility that most men fear like plague. No, for oneself - it’s still all right, but for someone else, besides, constantly. However, the most desirable thing that attracts men in a bachelor life is the opportunity to be alone, alone with their thoughts, fantasies and desires.
If the male concept of bachelor freedom is associated with doing nothing, the female, on the contrary, suggests using everything free time for her own perfection, as well as everything that is within her reach. No, she, of course, brings men and girlfriends to parties, but she does all this with taste, sense and arrangement, because, even as a bachelor, she is trying to find a suitable partner for a long-term relationship. As for joint responsibility - a woman is not afraid of this, because everything that concerns her directly, she will fulfill, and all the rest she will blame on her chosen one. No offense, dear ladies, but calculating the situation is not your strong point, therefore, a plus in this place, although there is, very few of you are able to evaluate it, but women really sometimes do not want to meet with the estimated categories in marriage. It's one thing - a lot of free time before marriage, which can be spent entirely on yourself; and quite another - his absence against the background of her husband's attacks by bachelor beauties.
If we talk about money, the girls don't give a damn, especially cute, because it just so happened: gentlemen pay for bachelors, husbands pay for married ones, although in case of a successful marriage, there is still a benefit. And as for sociability, the weaker sex is, perhaps, still less dependent, since it is able to communicate with anyone, anywhere and as much as necessary. You don't need to strain too hard not to understand: women in marriage lose fewer men, hence the desire to get married prevails over their desire for single life.
Cons of celibacy
The very first disadvantage can be considered the so-called irregular sex. Not that it is impossible to organize it for single individuals, it just happens by default in marriage.
The second minus is the absence family relations, family, children, etc. Indeed, you should definitely experience all the charms and hardships of family life, otherwise there is a chance not to leave any traces behind you - neither good nor bad.
Further, in decreasing order, an unhealthy life can be noted, since in marriage it is provided by both partners, and in a bachelor life by one. Usually men suffer from this, but the fair sex also has a hard time in terms of the pricing policy of the visiting masters who take sufficient amounts.
Lack of control, which can destroy the life of any bachelor one or two. One head is good, but two is better, so the mistakes of bachelors turn out to be more significant than those of married people.
And yet, according to doctors, bachelors are at risk, that is, more than married and married are susceptible to various diseases. It is quite possible, because the lack of regular sex against the background of irregular nutrition is unlikely to allow you to become a leader in such an extreme sport as life.
Women are more scrupulous about the choice of sexual partners, so they cannot just bring home a stranger, unlike men. Naturally, irregular sex for a woman is a serious disadvantage, which she wants to cross out with all her might when she gets married. Also, for a woman, a huge disadvantage is the lack of family relationships, because most of their craving for this is in their blood. This looks especially bad against the background of girlfriends who find themselves in happy marriage Therefore, ladies use any opportunity to change the status quo.
As for an unhealthy life, this is not important for women, since the toilets do not break so often and the shelves fall off the walls, too. Yes and modern men they are adapted to this no better, so that they still have to equip life with outside forces.
But the lack of control can affect the beautiful field really in the worst side, since its representatives are subject to addictions to a greater extent. The best medicine for all female diseases- this is a heating pad for her whole body, that is, a man who is capable of curing all existing ailments with his sexual temperament. It is hardly possible to say with confidence that such a miracle is within the power of her faithful, but such attempts in marriage will be made by him regularly.
Facts
- Most of the fairer sex see positive aspects in marriage, while among men there are hardly more than half of such optimists.
- Convinced bachelors are found only among men. And although there are some individuals among women, their number is small.
- In marriage, there are those who enjoy it, and those who are burdened by it, and often this can be found within the same union.
- Marriage radically changes the habits of people, which sooner or later makes itself felt if the relationship of the spouses stumbles upon sharp corners.
- In a happy marriage, everyone sees only pluses, in an unhappy marriage, only minuses, although there is a flip side of the coin in both.
Once upon a time in the Russian language lessons, we pretty much made fun, remembering that the words "already", "married", "unbearable" are written without a soft sign. And everyone knew that these were girls dreaming of princes and dreaming of getting married as soon as possible. Probably, the weak half of humanity at the genetic level is programmed with the desire to live in pairs, to take care of her husband and children. But some three decades have passed, and the phrase "already unbearable to get married" began to lose its relevance. So, if earlier a woman had to push her beloved to decisive action- marriage, today men are often rejected for a marriage proposal.
Woman's view: "I want to eat halva, I want gingerbread"
H frankly speaking, today I am in complete solidarity with the heroine of the movie "Girls". Do you remember the famous expression of Tosya Kislitsyna: "But I will never marry ... One thing is better: I want halva, I want gingerbread"? True, this position came to me not at the age of 20, but in Balzac's, when fire, water and copper pipes were left behind ...
And as a girl, I, like many other young people, dreamed of a prince, a handsome wedding dress and about the house, which is a full cup. The prince turned out to be a classmate with whom, after the wedding ceremony, she honestly tried to build a cozy nest. However, at the age of 20, youthful maximalism, pride and ambition won over ardent feeling and romance. And two years later, I had to start from scratch, hiding the draft of family life in the nooks of my subconscious.
My # 2 attempt held a promising future. A child appeared in the family, housing was built, but ... It turned out that it is difficult to coexist with other people's shortcomings and habits. Some of them cause violent resentment or irritation. This concerns, as a rule, household issues. Even the elementary hammering of a nail into the wall took a week - you persuade your husband for six days, then you remind him of the day.
For the most part, men believe that their role as head of the family is reduced only to making money. Everything else is the direct responsibility of the spouse. A woman should cook, wash, clean, go shopping, pay utility bills, raise children and at the same time look good in order to be irresistible and desirable. The breadwinner, after hard work, needs to eat and relax on his favorite couch. One can agree with this position if the man really remained the only breadwinner in the family, as in ancient times. However, modern representatives of the weaker sex work and earn no less than representatives of the stronger sex. And after a hard day, they start another shift. I am reminded of an anecdote. It's easier to be a woman than a man: I came home from work, went to the store, cooked, washed, cleaned, fed the children, put them to bed, and that's it - I’m free! As they say, in every joke there is a grain of a joke.
Today women have become independent spiritually and financially. They learned to "get food", make important decisions, take responsibility for themselves. Why would they marry? Right! For the sake of procreation. If you understand the nature of the female essence, then such an important function as motherhood comes to the fore. Any girl, regardless of her upbringing and hobbies, on a subconscious level wants to become a mother. And since everyone has been told since childhood that children should be welcome, born in love, brought up by both mom and dad, young people want to get married. Of course they want and White dress, and a veil, and a birthday cake, and other attributes of a traditional wedding. Much later, having fully tasted the family patriarchy, the realization comes that marriage and husband are two different things. In the first case, this is just a stamp in the passport, and in the second - the maturity and responsibility of the man who became the head of the family.
But the reality is that the young ladies are in no hurry to tie the knot of Hymen, and later give birth to children out of wedlock. And not because there are no contenders for the hand and heart. It's just that more and more often men reduce their role in the family only to creating "comfort" in the house: when a faithful person reads a newspaper on the couch, it seems that the apartment is not empty. True, this “comfort” makes a woman very uncomfortable. After all, she has to look after another child - her husband.
Therefore, dear men, if you do not change your attitude towards the family and your role in it, you will have to master the intricacies of a bachelor life. It certainly has its small advantages. But there is also a very big disadvantage: according to statistics, single men live 5-10 years less than family men. For all their merits, bachelors do much worse at housekeeping than single women. Representatives of the strong half are less likely to "go out" and pay less attention to their cultural life. And the most paradoxical is that, as studies show, married people are more satisfied with themselves than boas. They also acclimate better to work and are more likely to succeed. So there is no doubt that a wife is very, very useful for a man, at least as an "elixir of longevity." But how useful is a husband?
Elena PETROVA.
Male gaze: "A bachelor is not an enemy to marriage"
TO Every bachelor regularly hears the question from his acquaintances: "Did you marry?" From my own experience, I was convinced that it is mainly asked by those who have not everything in order in family life. And they ask with a certain envy. Some with more sympathetic intonations. Once a former girlfriend who had successfully married, at the meeting, sympathetically and with her characteristic insight, stated: “I have not met my ideal ...” Indeed, no luck so far. Or maybe vice versa.
There is an opinion that an inveterate bachelor is a complete egoist who loathes responsibility for others. Only give him freedom in all its manifestations. Yes, family people you have to earn money by providing for your family, and only in the last place take into account your needs. But this does not always happen, there are a lot of negative examples. Is it not possible to call married alcoholics, unfaithful spouses, domestic tyrants, egoists? What values are they guided by when they drink, cheat, and beat? It is no secret that a sufficient number of marriages are made purely out of mercantile interests. Are these people not selfish? And take social networks, dating websites. Thousands of married and married people play virtual novels that turn into real ones. Are they not selfish? A bachelor, at least, does not deceive anyone. If only a little bit and not out of spite.
Over the past decades, the development of civilization is especially actively destroying the social ties that have developed over many centuries, which were formed by the rural way of life. It was easier for a large family to cultivate the land, because people stayed together. Now a large part of the world's population lives in cities, where a person is provided with a wide range of opportunities for self-realization and improving well-being. Belarus did not remain aloof from the global trend. Even 50-60 years ago, families of three generations were a common occurrence in our villages. Now it’s unrealistic to meet something like that. The city divides: children try to leave their parents as soon as possible, relatives rarely meet, and there is no communication with neighbors. People strive for autonomy, individualism. This situation also affects the family, as evidenced by the huge number of divorces.
In the late 1980s came into vogue civil marriages... At first, the attitude of society towards them was not entirely loyal, but now this form has become quite acceptable for many. Today so-called guest marriages are coming to the fore. This is when a man and a woman are registered at the registry office, periodically visit each other, spend leisure time, holidays or vacations together, but do not conduct a joint household, which excludes petty domestic quarrels that so strongly affect the relationship. According to sociologists, such a "union of egoists" erases the boundaries between marriage and single life and can soon replace traditional form family relationships. There is also such a thing as "married bachelor". My colleague has been communicating with the mother of her children in this way for over ten years. He pays a kind of alimony, takes an active part in the upbringing of two sons, takes them to circles and sections, comes to visit on weekends. But he continues to live separately with the mother of the children, a similar form suits both her and him.
Today's bachelor is given the opportunity to choose a relationship that is acceptable to him. The main thing is to decide on the one that you want to give part of your freedom.
Being a bachelor does not have to be a philosophy. It may just be a long period before starting a strong family. One day alone smart man said: give me a rod, fresh air and a wonderful partner, and you can take the rod and air back. Therefore, the bachelor is not the enemy of marriage.
Alexey Nadezhdin.
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