Krestyankin about the family. Holy Fathers about family and marriage. Reverend Gennady of Kostroma
Today, April 11, marks the 100th anniversary of the birth of the Elder Archimandrite John (Krestyankina, † February 5, 2006)
Here are some of his answers to questions about family life:
Dear in the Lord M.!
But you have to fight for your family, it's not just your relationship with your spouse. This is the life of your children, broken from early youth.
The first thing to do constantly is to pray for your spouse and to pray to Saints Guri, Samon and Aviv for the preservation of the family. The second, and no less important, is to look into your heart, take a closer look at yourself - is it your fault that your husband is fighting off home.
And my prayer is only to help you. Children repeat the mistakes of their parents!
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Dear in the Lord A.!
Human happiness is nothing else than union with God, the fulfillment of His saving commandments. So solve your vital problems for you from this position. You are a family man, and your marriage is blessed, which means that the most important thing for you is the salvation of the whole family, life in God for the whole family. This vow made by you to God also includes the material support of the family. Think and pray how this can be done in the best way. And for this, forgive me, the Lord gave us his head and mind. The confessor only slightly corrects your personally matured decisions or plans. God make you wise!
Dear A. and E.!
Both of you only, only felt that there are real values in the world, but both of you have not yet touched them, but only admire and think that you already possess these treasures. No, my dears, you both have such hard work ahead of you that only time will tell whether you will endure them and become the real owners of the treasures. But you have to start working to eradicate a lot of bad habits with which you have become akin. And I would advise you not to rush to tie the knot until you are rooted in the Christian worldview. Now, in the period of spiritual warfare and formation, it is better not to bind oneself to the everyday care of marriage. Yes, try to test yourself in pure friendship - it should lie in the foundation of a pure family.
Dear in the Lord N.!
A Christian woman, by God's command, should raise her children in faith and piety and children from her children. Judging by your letter, you have not done this for your children. So they would take care of the grandchildren.
And your husband is alive, and you could take the tonsure only if he wanted to, that is, by mutual consent. But you do not have this. Therefore, remain the wife of your husband and help your children raise their grandchildren. I cannot bless you to become a monk.
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T.!
You are an adult, and the little that you saw alerted you for a reason. A little will grow into a big one, and your children will receive even less of your attention than they are receiving now.
And you must answer for them before God!
So now decide for yourself.
God make you wise!
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M.!
Are you waiting for happiness, having put a mortal sin as the basis of your relationship ?!
After all, you and both of you cannot approach the cup of life now. And if you asked your question when only the thought appeared.
Now who will be an accomplice in your sin?
Everyone thinks of themselves, but there is no thought of children, for whom the responsibility lies before God.
God make you wise!
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Dear in the Lord O.!
In life, who did not have to make mistakes - pray to the Lord for your spouse and strive with all possible strength for family reunification. This is your feat and sacrifice to God. Well, if D. turns out to be deaf and blind and stagnates in the fall, then your fault will not be, and the Lord will console you as an innocent victim. Sorrows teach us to pray and feel the closeness of God's mercy. And therefore - thank God for everything.
We will pray for you, surrendering you to the will of God, not as you want, but as the Lord Himself!
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Dear in the Lord L.!
How can I help you? The lump of sin, which began by disobeying the parental word, grew, grew, and grew. And just as the son did not pay any attention to the mother's word, so no one, neither mom nor dad, will look at the sorrow of children's hearts. And there is no concept that life is a godfather's feat, where you always have to sacrifice yourself to someone. And only for God and for the sake of God and for the glory of God will there be a way of life for salvation. And for the young, everything is either personal lusts and ambitions, or life is not a reality.
Pray for your son, and for your daughter-in-law, and for your grandchildren, because our parental fault is that they are as they are.
Help you, Lord. Pray that your son will carry his life's cross to the end for the sake of his children.
Dear in the Lord G.!
Your Christian patience, humility and love, at least a little, in due time, will do their job, and your half, your husband, will revive in spirit.
But for this, start working on yourself: it breaks down, you do not break down. Understand, it’s harder for him than for you, he doesn’t know God, and the enemy leads him “I don’t want to”.
Begin to pray for him constantly and with a feeling of pity, remember that it was difficult for him from childhood, as it was for you. And the rest is God's business. Read 1 Corinthians ch. 7 and remember that you are sick with your husband, because you two are one flesh.
And the fact that you pray secretly from him is good. This must be done without fail so as not to provoke him to blasphemy. The time will come when the secret can be done explicitly.
God's blessing to you!
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Dear in the Lord I.!
To be saved, one must live not in dreams, but in real life carry the cross, which the Lord has already determined for you for salvation.
If God pleases to see you not family man, but as a nun, then there are no obstacles for Him to free you from family cross-bearing.
But this does not exist, and therefore one should not pay attention to demonic jokes - dreams.
Pray for your husband (he is sick), for your son - before God you are responsible for them. Grieve for them and pray - this is your spiritual work for the salvation of the whole family.
And you need to pray for a spiritual father, and if the Lord considers that you need him, then He will give him to you.
God make you wise!
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Dear A.!
In words, it is as if you are thanking the Lord for everything, but in reality, you would cut off the pain with extraordinary ease, remove the pain from yourself. And what to cut off - the vows given to God.
Your spouse is sick, but you can also become sick tomorrow. And then - goodbye to all vows. It's the same with the daughter.
At the wedding, they drink a common cup: wine mixed with water is drunk to the bottom. Wine is the joys of living together, water (and more of it) is common sorrows, troubles and pains. But we drank the cup, and in our life we do not want to confirm our vow to God. You are fighting for the soul of your daughter, but you have to fight for the soul of your husband, especially since he himself is praying, but so far the enemy is stronger. And what did Fotinia do to help her husband?
Here is my dear A.! Only patience and the bearing of the cross are commanded to us, and we all flee from the cross given by God, and reach for the unauthorized and perish with it.
God make you wise!
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Dear in the Lord L.!
Being with the Lord means doing the will of God. It was not without the Providence of God that you became a family man, a mother, a wife, and now also a grandmother. It is in this rank that it befits you to be saved, bearing this difficult cross with the help of God.
Monasticism, about which thoughts confuse you, is for you a violation of God's blessing and, therefore, the thought of the enemy.
After all, you, as a mother, should have brought up your children in a Christian way. But since you could not do this, then at least you would help your granddaughter. And again you only care about yourself.
You have no road to the monastery. Pray at home, endure from your own, and pray for all of them. Do everything with judgment, so as not to irritate your loved ones and not cause them to rebel against God and blaspheme against Him.
As the Lord calls: “if anyone wants to follow Me, deny yourself, and take up your cross, and follow Me.” And you decided to throw your cross.
Wise and help you the Lord!
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Dear E.!
God's blessing to you for love and patience. There was a time when the Lord patiently healed our weaknesses through the intercession of our loved ones, and the soul matured invisibly to us, until one day it itself responded to the love and patience of others. And you have some sorrow about loved one, about the spouse. And this sorrow is designed to strengthen prayer.
But do not show your spouse your labors and efforts, live with him in the same team, without running far ahead in your religious zeal, all the time feel close next to your S. A. M. sv. St. Seraphim Sarovsky would put a pen to his lips. Parents are inviolable for children - even if they suffer. If there is love, then it will give both understanding and sympathy for the state of the pope.
And sometimes it is necessary to go for a spouse so that there is no blatant division into the life of a lonely and a family in his life, and do not get ahead of the events - one must go to the wedding responsibly and consciously, this is a Sacrament that obliges a lot. And since there is no such perception of the Sacraments, then there is no need to go.
We must work hard, beg the Lord to grant faith. St. Gregory the Theologian's mother was a believer, and his father was a pagan. I think that there was no question about the wedding at that time. But the end crowns the deal. The mother raised the children as Orthodox, and the father ended his life as an Orthodox bishop. And carnal love is one of the constituent parts of marriage - and it is blessed in the Sacrament of marriage, and it is a sin to those who dare to worsen the marriage. God blessed two paths to salvation - marriage and monasticism, and both paths are cross. Your choice has already been made, and you need to carry your cross to the end with love and desire. And how do you know if you will save your spouse, who is sanctified by your believing wife? Read 1 Corinthians ch. 7. There you have an answer.
We pray about S., God grant you the strength of strength and delicate wisdom, so that, invisibly for your son, guide him away from influences that harm him (especially from modern music, which upsets the psyche of healthy, and not only sick).
Dear E., thank you for everything, and forgive your courage! We have been praying for your family for a long time. We got acquainted with M ... A M. and it's time to be, if not the center (this is the place of dad), but still support you. She is already old enough.
Dear in the Lord V.!
Without A.'s appeal to God, who can help him? Pray for him with your motherly prayer. After all, probably, your fault is that there is no true concept of life and its real values in the soul of your son. I am putting in the prayer with which you ask the Lord for a son every day. The fact that the baptized is, on the one hand, is good, but did your children receive communion, do they have an idea of God and the Sacraments of the Church? Probably, not.
So irreparable troubles grow out of this. And my prayer for a son is only to help your mother.
Wise and strengthen you the Lord in the struggle for the soul of your son!
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Dear in the Lord V.!
You have already chosen the path and you have a daughter in your care, for whom you are responsible before God.
M. attracts the world - as it should be, your task is to instill in her a taste for good and teach her to understand what is good and what is sin and evil.
You will not do anything by ordering: "Walk behind me to save yourself".
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Ladies and ladies, let me bring to your attention a small meeting today wise sayings dedicated to the institution of the family by the Holy Fathers, Church leaders, scientists and writers. Somewhere they will be encouragement, but somewhere they will be advice, which each of us sometimes needs:
“Family relationships must be subordinate to spiritual needs. Marriage has much consolation, but it is accompanied by many anxieties and sorrows, sometimes very deep. Keep this in mind, so that when something like this comes, it will not be met as a surprise. Now you two. And the joys are stronger, and the sorrows are more easily divided in half.
Take care of your love with your wife. This is the source of a happy family life. But you need to watch it so that it doesn't get clogged. Do not be afraid to lose or shake trust in each other in any way ”. Saint Theophan the Recluse.
“When you love, you don’t want to drink water other than the one you find in your favorite spring. Fidelity in this case is a natural thing. In a loveless marriage, in less than two months, the spring water turns bitter. ” Stendhal
“One person asked me:“ Geronda, what most connects a husband to a wife? ” “Appreciation,” I answered him. One person loves another for what he gives him. The wife gives her husband confidence, devotion, obedience. The husband gives his wife confidence that she is under his cover, protection. The wife is the mistress of the house, but also the main servant in it. The husband is the ruler of the house, but also the bearer of its weights.
Between themselves, spouses must have purified love in order to receive mutual comfort from each other and to be able to fulfill their spiritual duties. To live in harmony, they must, first of all, put love at the foundation of life - that precious love that lies in spiritual nobility, in sacrifice, and not false, worldly, carnal love. If there is love and sacrifice, then one person always puts himself in the place of another, understands him, feels pain for him. And accepting a neighbor into his suffering heart, a person accepts Christ into his heart, who again fulfills him with His ineffable joy. " Venerable Paisiy Svyatorets
"Good spouses have two souls, but one will." Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
“In marriage, one must sacrifice everything and endure everything in order to maintain mutual love; if it is lost, everything is lost. True wealth and the greatest happiness lies in the fact that a husband and wife do not disagree with each other, are united with each other as one flesh. Such spouses, even if they lived poorly and were ignorant, can be happier than everyone, because they enjoy true happiness and live in everlasting peace.
Appreciate above all the unanimity in the family and do everything and direct to ensure that peace and silence are constantly preserved in the marriage. Then the children will also imitate the virtues of their parents, and virtue will flourish throughout the house, and there will be prosperity in all deeds ”. Saint John Chrysostom
“Even a minute cannot live without a crown. Don't have abortions. It will be terribly terrible to answer before the Living God for violating the holy commandment of God: “Thou shalt not kill!” ”. Elder Nikolay Guryanov
"A just husband rules over his wife not as a master of property, but as a soul over a body: reckoning with her feelings and invariably benevolently." Plutarch
“At the wedding they drink a common cup: wine mixed with water is drunk to the bottom. Wine is the joys of living together, water (and more of it) is common sorrows, troubles and pains ...
Roses will be only at the beginning of the path, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and pain will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of the concept of love, then you will not be far from happiness. " Elder John (Krestyankin)
"The dependence of family life makes a person more moral." Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin
“Celibacy is created by licentiousness. Both sexes avoid the union that would make them the best, and abide in the union that makes them the worst. ” Charles Louis Montesquieu
“The main misconception about family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready, which they must certainly find without work and effort. But such ready-made happiness is in no way and nowhere on our earth: here everything is obtained by labor.
Imagining that family happiness is guaranteed forever by a happy choice of the party and that it is strengthened by the first inclination, many spouses now lose sight of the fact that at the beginning of marriage they still do not know each other as they should, or even themselves in their new position. Only by standing close to each other, as spouses stand, and only in time can they study each other's way of thinking, tastes, inclinations, habits, and, to the surprise of many, in the chosen ones of the heart, along with the virtues that attracted love, significant shortcomings are revealed.
The discovery of shortcomings, unexpected thoughts, desires and demands sometimes strike both spouses as something extraordinary, dangerous for happiness and proving the mistake made in the choice. Upon further discovery of shortcomings, this idea is confirmed, and the multiplying collisions, disputes and disagreements with a lack of self-observation and condescension to each other are taken as proof that happiness flies away, that the marriage has failed, that it is impossible to live together, that it is necessary to separate. Meanwhile, the rules of the Christian life demanded that both spouses, with gratitude to God for the merits found in each other, be on their guard and wait for the discovery of shortcomings as an inevitable belonging of each person; study them, treat them with all the condescension that mutual love requires, and accept with meekness and patience to correct each other ”. Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharyov)
“From our parents we received the greatest and priceless gift - life. They nurtured and raised us, sparing neither strength nor love. And now that they are old and sick, it is our duty to heal them and leave them! ” Leonardo da Vinci
“The legitimate purpose of joining a woman should be the birth and upbringing of children. When the person entering into marriage has in mind only sensual pleasures, strives only to please the lusts of his flesh, then he is deeply mistaken and by such a union with a woman brings disorder to life relations, the bad consequences of which quite naturally respond to himself and his offspring. " Venerable Maximus the Confessor
“Living with a wife is not easy, but life is impossible without her.” Mark Porcius Cato the Elder
“The wife and children teach humanity; bachelors are gloomy and stern. " Francis Bacon
“The spirit of overt or secret pride and vanity possesses us, so that almost each of us thinks a lot and highly of himself and little and low about others ... Hence, in the family and society, instead of love, harmony and mutual services, mutual obstinacy, mutual hostility, envy reign and hatred for each other, quarrels, strife, strife. " Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov)
"A good wife in the house is like an ant, and an evil wife is like a barrel full of holes." Menander
“In family life, everyone should forget himself completely, think only about others, - such an attitude of family members to each other welds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without others.
The experienced groom tries to treat himself as strictly as possible, and to the new friend of life more carefully, and if some shortcomings are noticed in the bride, then refer them not to her, but to her parents, and try to cover everything with love. Seeing the love and disposition of her husband, in turn, the wife tries to pay in the same way and, noticing the roughness of her husband's character, the wife who is not wise by experience, covering everything with love, imperceptibly tries to correct these shortcomings, roughnesses and acts as a leader of the heart very skillfully, and through this mutual love relationship to each other, two creatures, perhaps at first being and completely opposite to each other, come closer and become close and live to the point that one heart and one spirit is formed. " Righteous Alexy Mechev.
"A happy marriage is a marriage in which the husband understands every word that the wife does not say." Alfred Hitchcock
Compiled by Andrey Segeda
In contact with
1813 06.02.2006
Yesterday, 02/05/06, Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), an inhabitant of the Pskov-Pechersk Lavra, revered by all of Russia, departed to the Lord. For several decades, thousands of people turned to Father John for spiritual advice and prayer support and invariably received what they asked for. Of course, personal communication with everyone was impossible, therefore, after the deceased elder, a huge and priceless epistolary legacy remained. We publish some of the letters preserved and published by the children of Father John
Illness and treatment
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Servant of God L.!
You understand the cause of the baby's illness correctly. We do not have to refer to Soviet propaganda.
The devil's business is to tempt us into lawlessness, and our business is to stand in the Truth. N.'s parents need to realize their sins and repent of them, after which they should coax and, of course, receive communion.
And when the Lord mercifully looks at the sick baby, this is only in His power. The miracle of healing from the icon took place, but we did not understand this and continue to live as we lived, instead of thanking God and starting to correct our hearts.
And again the girl suffers, and with her her parents. We will pray for N.
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Dear in the Lord K.!
Judging by your letter, you are very, very far from God and the Church.
And all means are good for you in your desire to help your son.
But I must tell you that turning to bioenergy is turning to the enemy of God, which means that nothing good can be expected from this.
There will be a temporary improvement, and then it will get worse, and the worst is mental illness. You ask what you should do - you need to go to God, to go to Church, to heal your illnesses with the Sacraments, because the son is a baby, which means that his parents are to blame for his trouble. Are you baptized, is your marriage married? Do you partake of the Mysteries of Christ, is there a concept of sin and confession?
All of these questions apply to you as adults. The source of life is only God. The source of all good is only God.
You adults will review your life, and then, having found the cause of grief, there will be an opportunity to eliminate it.
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Dear in the Lord V.!
You can't do without medical help, baby. It's easy to say, "be a martyr." Will we not be this refusal of medical care tempt the Lord? No one can live without God's help; help will come when we humbly admit our weakness. So remember that "doctors and medicines from God - honor a doctor." Your vow is rash and sinful, but the Lord does not accept such vows. Do not think about monasticism yet, you need to educate your son, you need to be treated. And when the son becomes an adult and independent and chooses his own path in life, then it will be clear where and how to direct his life. In the present monasteries under construction, our diseases will not be considered. And therefore it is necessary to be treated.
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Dear in the Lord A.!
I will give you an example of Saint Bishop Ignatius Brianchaninov, who was treated with homeopathic medicines all his life, and this did not prevent him from becoming a saint.
Buy a medicine, sign it with the sign of the cross, as you overshadow food, and heal. Doctors and medicines are blessed by God for the benefit of people.
God make you wise and help you.
***
Dear S. T.!
When the word Lord is written in the soul, and in the heart, and in life with a small letter, then all methods of treatment and all actions in life will be good for achieving the goal. A believer, however, will not transgress God's definitions and will not take for a medicine what the Lord has appointed for the eruption.
You cannot simultaneously take into yourself the Blood and the Body of the Lord and urine. There is no blessing from the Church for urine treatment. We have one doctor and healer of souls - the Lord, and from Him we are blessed to turn to doctors, and not to sorcerers and unbelievers, for whom everything is good that the enemy whispers, trampling on God's Law. One must take unction, confess and receive communion - the only cleansing of the soul and body.
Love for God and neighbors
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Dear I.!
I am old and I cannot lead you in life, and no one else will live for you. It would be good for you not to rely on the letter of the law, but to live in the spirit of it. Then, believe me, you would not push your daughter away from you and would be able to understand her, all the more it is not difficult for you, because until recently you yourself lived with the same interests that she is now drawn to.
And love and understanding would give and understanding of the golden mean that is needed now in relation to the daughter. No one has ever achieved anything good by violence. And if Christianity had been planted with a fist, it would have been gone for a long time. And the Lord is love. And love understands and feels more and more vividly. And by the methods that you adopted in relation to your daughter, you will only for a long time, if not forever, alienate her from God and the Church. Make it work.
***
Dear in the Lord E.!
Your letter has been received, and I pray that you will take root on the path of self-knowledge.
But I will add to this the fact that they do not seek help in anything and in anyone except the Savior. His Power is real. And this Power comes to us only when we realize our real and real weakness. And then the Power of God in weakness is perfected and acts.
And love for God and fear of God will now protect you from mortal sins. The work of salvation lasts a lifetime.
God make you wise!
***
T., but remember how you began to study literacy in school, and apply this method of teaching to yourself in your spiritual life. Do not rush, do not bother and do not crush either yourself or your family, but always act thoughtfully in every everyday situation. And don't forget to say: “Lord, help! Lord, give some reason! " So you will learn. The main thing in this science is to learn to own and control not others, but oneself. God is love, and abiding in love abides in God. That's all science. Learn to love others, learn to have pity on others, and joy will settle in the mind and heart.
***
Dear mother M.!
God's blessing to you. So for you and me the time has come when we have to live not as we want, but as God commands. And this is the will of God for us. And think, dear mother, that we have half a stop left on the earthly path, and we have very little to endure. And the mercy of God will cover our infirmities. And the One Whom you served all your life, and Whom you loved, will receive you into eternal joy and peace. Forgive and pity the one who annoys you, because she does not know what she is doing.
And the Lord is infinite love, and only those who love can unite with Him.
***
Dear in the Lord L.!
And you need to live with your mother until you beg her for God, until she, together with you, crosses the threshold of the Church. Manage to live the intense life of a Christian woman in the secret places of your heart, but only in secret places, until your love for the Lord and for your mother will lead her to the path of salvation. Until that time, there could be no talk of the monastery and no thoughts about it. Work hard. If you strive to get ahead of the path of spiritual development determined by God, and sweep aside what the Lord gives you to experience, then you will ruin your mother! And she needs help to find the way to God. And this is done only with love.
***
Dear about the Lord E!
Spiritual life is hard work, endless work for the whole life. And in this struggle there are victories and defeats. But let us prevail over the name of Jesus. And woe to a person when, at the instigation of the enemy, he suddenly sees himself as completely safe and contented. Likewise, it is good for you that you are fully aware of your weakness - the absence of love. Take care of this and do not call your labors and efforts hypocrisy. No, this is not hypocrisy, but a sincere desire to have something that does not exist, but that is extremely necessary. Read 1 Corinthians ch. 13 - about love. Write out this chapter for yourself so that you have it before your eyes. And the first step to love is pity. Have pity on the children you teach, because they are crippled from infancy by adults who have not taught them anything and will not teach them, having neither the desire nor the concept for this. Unhappy wilds, ready to perish, if the Lord does not look down with His mercy and does not enter their lives someday.
You are in need of attention. Is it not much more acutely experienced by children? So replace the fear of children with attention to everyone, not to everyone in general, but to everyone. Love for humanity is a verbal fornication, love for a concrete person, on our life's path given by God, is a practical matter that requires work, effort, struggle with oneself, one's laziness. So, L., do not be embarrassed, work hard. You and T. God's blessing.
***
Dear in the Lord V.!
In case of your illness, who can guarantee your well-being. The family itself presupposes the birth of children, and at the wedding they pray for this and receive God's blessing for procreation, but the parents are supposed to be healthy.
What can I tell you? If you had written to me before marriage, then I would not have advised you to get married, but now I will simply keep silent. Your cross is heavy, and nothing more. Everything is in contradiction.
Marriage is a complete family with children, and in Christian families and not with one child, but as much as God will give. And infanticide - the death of children - promises hellish torment on earth, and not only in the future.
Pray to the Mother of God Theodorovskaya and her parents - the holy righteous Joachim and Anna, and the parents of John the Baptist - the holy righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth. Pray to God and surrender yourself to His holy will.
***
Dear in the Lord A!
I am fulfilling your request for prayer for your family. Pray for your spouse, he is possessed by a serious illness, and wherever he lives, he is your spouse.
And if one member of our body is sick, then the whole person is also sick. So are you. Let us pray that the Lord will give you strength of spirit and undoubted faith in order to be a spiritual support for both husband and children. And despondency is the enemy's pressure on you, and you need to know this, and pray, and take communion more often.
***
Dear A. and E!
The time of Lent is not very suitable for solving your problem. But since it has arisen, we will pray that the determination to take the path chosen in life will ripen in both of you on Krasnaya Gorka.
Roses will be only at the beginning of the path, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and pain will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of the concept of love, then you will not be far from happiness.
And you will take the blessing from your parents.
***
Dear in the Lord Fr. V.!
Now the time has come for you to give a qualitative analysis of your faith and your ministry. In life, who did not have to make mistakes. And now both for your mother and for you a spiritual exam has begun, which, by the way, has arisen not without your own efforts. And you can't stand it, at the very first stage a comforter appeared. But as God should be - there was a conflict in the family, pray, make every effort to save the family. Well, we are talking about the monastery only when the spouse creates her other family. And one cannot even think of any help-comforter. It is sinful. Disastrous.
Dear father, this is the very seal for you that everyone is afraid of, and without the fearsome three sixes. What about children! Nobody thinks about them. There is no Duma, but you will have to answer for them.
***
Dear in the Lord M.!
You can't live like that. Three of us love is a great sin. And you need to make every effort to keep your family together. And the most important thing in these efforts is prayer for a spouse and frequent communion. But let her make a choice, having thought it over well. You will talk to her - after all, she has no hope at all that she will create a new family. So she needs to think carefully before crossing out her entire earthly life and throwing herself into the maelstrom of destruction. And the punishment for her delusions from God will follow soon - these are modern serious illnesses. After all, when this happens, she will have no one to supply water. Show her this letter of mine. And I will pray for both of you. Such a terrible darkening at this age, well, and death will come. Where are we going? After all, those torments that have now found you are already the threshold of hell. And then what? Think about it.
***
Dear in the Lord N.!
The spiritual father answers your questions. And yet you have no other way to get out of the dead ends. Pray, ask for God's mercy. Here is just one thing I would advise you to think seriously - this is your relationship with your ex-spouse.
No, my dear, there can be no sisterly relationship between husband and wife. And your closeness is not help at all, but, on the contrary, an irritant that pushes him to all sorts of illegal acts.
And therefore you need to solve this problem in the first place: either you legitimize your relationship with him and live as a spouse should be, or leave and give him the freedom to arrange his life. My dear, this is a serious problem, and you cannot think only about yourself and your desires here. And pray for mom, for children. And thank God that He brought you out of the perilous darkness. And everyday hardships and poverty are nothing compared to the spiritual calamity in which you were.
God make you wise and strengthen you.
***
Dear I.!
By the command of God, the first and most important blessing for starting a family you should both receive from your parents. They are given sacramental knowledge about children, bordering on providence.
Therefore, your question should not be addressed to me. And the second and also important one is the blessing of your confessors.
And I would only advise you to start the Sacrament just before your graduation act at the end of the seminary. And K.'s studies will be a big question. Family debt fundamentally changes a person's lifestyle. And these family responsibilities are paramount.
***
Dear S.V. and G.V.!
My memory has kept memorable date Your life is S.'s birthday, and this day promised to be a blessed day for your family, when God's blessing rested on your marital relationship, and this day became the birthday of a Christian family, crowning you with glory and honor.
I really want to congratulate you on this day, because there is no greater joy for the priest to see that the light of Christ's love and truth illuminates life.
Many, many years to you in joy, love and unanimity.
P.S. I am sending you a folded icon for this only significant day in your life. From the moment she appeared, she was always with me, even when I was away I took her with me. Well, now let her be with you - protecting, sanctifying, enlightening on all paths of life. Keep the Lord and He will keep you.
Dear in the Lord V.!
Life is an art. And there is no general recipe for all occasions. One thing is certain - the vows taken must be fulfilled. And you, by bringing your spouse to the altar of the Lord and promising him love, loyalty and obedience before God, are violating your obligations. After all, one must patiently wait for the spouse to have the rudiments of religious concepts.
In the meantime, they are not there, you have to give in to him. When you got married, you and him perceived life in the same way, do not run far ahead of him now.
You can still take cards, because there is no question about your religion.
Learn to keep your family together. With love, sympathy and understanding, regain your husband's favor.
God make you wise!
***
Dear in the Lord A.!
You will have to decide the question of marriage with your mother and your confessor. Introduce S. to both V.'s mother and father, and to both of them the Lord gives knowledge whether you and S. need to start a family. And I will also tell you: in any case, no matter with whom a person begins to build a family life, he will go through periods of temptation, because there is no ready-made happiness, and it depends not only on the husband, but also on the wife to the same extent.
Therefore, study and look closely to each other. Make friends without overstepping the boundaries of what is permitted. After all, if you put sin in the foundation of a family, then you no longer have to expect prosperity.
In the last year of the institute, it will be high time to show determination in choosing further life path.
***
Dear in the Lord O.!
But it’s true, your eyes are scattered, and your mind is in confusion. If you were alone and were not responsible for your spouse and son, then this could somehow be understood and explained. Well, now I would like to urge you to a sober perception of life and a sense of responsibility. After all, our salvation depends on the fulfillment of the will of God, and not on self-will.
You are a family man, and everything in you should be subordinated to the fulfillment of the vows of a family man. And therefore, you must not allow any sketeous residence, which will finally destroy the family. And with your zeal you turned your spouse away from the Church and the faith, which means that here you also need to change your dispensation.
God make you wise!
***
Dear O.!
Take care of your good relations and do not violate them either by breaking or unlawful actions. Take care of each other. If the future family is based on sin, then nothing good can be expected. And there is no need to rush to the wedding.
Two years is exactly the trial period that will make your feelings deep and tested.
Make it work.
Choosing a life path and starting a family is a very serious step.
***
Dear S.!
Don't run far ahead of your spouse. When you started a family, you and A. were unanimous in your ignorance, and now you are leaving your spouse, and he is not yet able to understand for whom and why such changes in his wife.
And type C should not yet differ sharply from the one to which the spouse is accustomed. Do not rush to change the external. But the inner emphasis should be on prayer. After all, A. loves you, because he went to church to get married. And now, S., your main task is to keep your family together. It will be hard for your heart to make concessions to your spouse, but this is necessary.
The Lord sees your suffering, and He forgives us easier and easier than even close people.
God make you wise!
***
Dear in the Lord Yu!
The desire to start a family is blessed to you, but the blessing specifically for marriage with A. is the first and most important - parental, the second must be taken from your confessors who confess you.
Remember only both, so as not to lay the sin of premature rapprochement in the foundation of creating a family, otherwise it will be difficult to build what you are reaching out to in your desire. And also remember that happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with many labors on both sides.
Only when both of you have a deep sense of responsibility before God will a family be built.
***
Servant of God L.!
Any treatment should be preceded by an appeal to the Physician of souls and bodies, to the Lord, in the Sacraments of unction, confession and communion. And with the help of God, the disease will be cured. And you need to keep your family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It's just easy to say: "I'll get a divorce!"
You can say when you think and know only yourself, and if you also think about your spouse, and about children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband - his family.
God make you wise!
***
Dear in the Lord N.!
What can I tell you? Faith is the creation of life with much, much patience and love. And when faith becomes the cause of ruin, then there is clearly something wrong and rather self-will, when God's help recedes. Now you have come to faith, but your spouse has not.
And you, with extraordinary ease, according to the word of a stranger, cut off your half, husband and wife are one flesh. They did not think about him or the children.
But when you started a family, you and your spouse were of the same mind. And I had to work hard, bear his weakness, begging a loved one.
But this did not happen. And here you alone carry your homemade cross. And sons need a father, and they will remind you of this more than once.
I promise to pray for you. Well, I’ll get away from advice, without me a case has been started and it’s not for me to complete it.
God make you wise.
***
Dear M.!
I don’t know what you want to hear from me in response? I can only testify that neither you nor your wife think about your future, that life is short and that there is eternity ahead.
You and she have had connections with others, and talk about it so calmly, without a shadow of embarrassment or remorse. And I would tell you that it's time to wake up from a sinful dream, it's time to think about yourself. If the wife does not think about restoring the family, then do not prevent her from divorcing and dissolve the church marriage with the bishop. Only when you become free will you be able to think about creating new family, but until you are divorced, do not ruin your life with mortal sins. According to the canons of the Holy Fathers, the one who initiates the disintegration of the family should remain alone, and the one who is offended can start a family again.
Pray for your daughter, she was sent to study in a school that I would not wish on anyone. After it, it will be difficult to embark on the path of salvation, and is it possible?
***
Dear in the Lord N.!
I will fulfill the request for prayer, and God grant you wisdom and patience to keep your family and love in it.
You do not need to become someone else, and not the one that your husband loved. You need to dress tastefully, and comb your hair to your face, and everything else, because you are not a monk.
And you should have common interests with your spouse, and do not embarrass him with your ostentatious religiosity, but observe in all measure and take into account the spiritual illness that befell him. Pray for him secretly.
In a word - keep peace and love in the family, patiently condescending to his mental weakness. Faith will come to him in response to your labors and wise behavior with him in everything. And A. learns about his own mother when he grows up, otherwise it will be difficult for you to keep your son within the framework. He, like your V., your "religiosity", while external, will not be able to properly survive.
Save and help you the Lord!
***
Dear L.!
And I think that you are the whole family, and in particular, you little or completely forget to thank the Lord. One must learn to ask, receive and be grateful.
Let the spouse ask the help of the holy martyr Tryphon.
M. does not despair and is in no hurry to repeat the mistake. She can create a family a second time according to the canons of the Church, but everything must be done with prayer in order to find not ephemeral happiness for a year, but for the whole life here.
And you, L., must not be discouraged. Firstly, this is a sin and a considerable one, and secondly, the climate in your family largely depends on your condition. Therefore, often remember the Lenten prayer of Ephraim the Syrian and do not forget to see the blessings that the Lord will give you.
It's obvious to me. And you?
***
Dear in the Lord V.!
You are a family person, and, therefore, you cannot solve your problem alone, but only with your spouse together. And if the votes are divided at the family council, then the voice of the spouse should be taken at the head.
After all, the family and its preservation is the main thing, because it is the fulfillment of a vow taken upon oneself.
This is what you should be guided by. And they live now and everything is difficult, with the exception of the elite, which we will not envy.
After all, the main and main thing in life is walking before God and living in God, and this scarcity not only does not interfere, but contributes to the development in us of hope only in God, and believers are not put to shame.
***
Dear O.!
How many wives does your friend have? And why do you suddenly think that you will be better than them. No wonder the priest suspended your intentions for a while, because this was done to clarify the situation in your relationship.
And now the fog has dissipated around, but not in your consciousness and feelings. Think Oh! What kind of fairy tales about love are there? He loved one, made the other happy with a child, and lulled the third with the prospect of love.
And in the end: the modern concept of love, which does not correspond in any way to love-feat.
***
Dear in the Lord E.!
The feat of the wife's life is over. And she safely crossed the sea of life. We pray for her and thank God for the mercy to her and to your family, for neither she nor you were exhausted by the hardships of her suffering. And the sacrament and unction before the exodus testify of God's love for her.
We pray both for you and for your children, that the Lord would give the courage to endure the bitterness of the loss of something dear and so the right person, and multiplied strength for the upcoming feat of life.
After all, you have to accommodate in your heart the maternal warmth of the departed wife.
Thank God for everything and feel His closeness at this sorrowful moment in your life.
***
Dear in the Lord G.!
I am fulfilling your request for prayer for you and your loved ones. And you pray to the Mother of God "Tsaritsa".
Really surrender both yourself and your son to the will of God. We will not live two lives, but the Lord knows how and how to lead us to salvation. Just pray for your son. His work is nervous, and not everyone can stand it.
And also try to thank God for everything, and for sorrows too, because only sorrows also intercede for us for our salvation.
Life is short, we will endure everything, and our Savior Christ-God will save us.
***
Servant of God A.!
You are no good for a priest. You have not yet comprehended what you want in life and from life. You are still playing and playing along with your whims.
And the cross to be a mother is special both in meaning and in severity. For the father, he is the only one for life. And what will it be like for him if he gets an actress instead of his mother? God make you wise.
Read 1 Corinthians ch. 13. And in the light of what you read, consider yourself.
Only this concept of love promises a future family life for salvation.
***
Dear in the Lord L.!
Knowing well your painful condition, you yourself answer the question you asked me. Family life is a feat in all respects. It takes a lot of strength: both physical, and moral, and spiritual, to be a wife, a mother, and a mistress.
And if these forces are not there, then you should not even think about marriage. Otherwise, you yourself will begin to suffer, and loved ones will suffer.
God make you wise. Pray to the Lord to give you the strength to live in God.
"If we are vigilant, then neither marriage, nor raising children, nor anything else can hinder us from pleasing God" (St. John Chrysostom)
Father John (Krestyankin) in letters to family people constantly reminds of the need to keep vows to each other. He calls for a sober perception of life and a sense of responsibility for the family. Faith is the creation of life with much, much patience and love. Husband and wife are one flesh and one cannot cut off their half because one of the spouses came to faith and the other did not. "When faith becomes the cause of ruin, then there is clearly something wrong and rather self-will, when God's help recedes." In one of the letters, Father John directly points out to his wife the excessive zeal with which she turned her husband away from the Church and from the faith, and forbids her to think about hermitage, as it will completely destroy the family. Father advises her to obey first of all the fulfillment of the vows of a family man, because our salvation depends on the fulfillment of the will of God, and not on self-will.
In another letter to a believing woman, he reproachfully writes: “And now, when the Lord enters your family through you, you, who are called to preserve the family, are striving to ruin it. After all, a wedding is God's blessing on your children who have already been born. The enemy confuses you. And for your husband, if through your fault he goes into fornication, you will answer before God, and you will not be able to forgive this guilt. Work in your family, begging for your loved ones. You need a lot of patience in this good business. "
Life is an art. And there is no general recipe for all cases.
The degree of churching for many spouses is different and on this basis disagreements and conflicts arise. Father John (Krestyankin) advises in such cases to wait patiently, “so that the spouse will have the beginnings of religious concepts. And while they are not there, you have to give in to him. " Love, sympathy and understanding will return the husband's disposition and help keep the family together.
Father John (Krestyankin) reminds his spiritual daughter of the time of the beginning of the creation of the family, of his and her husband's unanimous ignorance of God: “do not run far ahead of your spouse - he is not yet able to understand for whom and why such changes are in his wife”. The main task is to keep the family together. Father also asks not to rush to change the external, but in the internal there should be an emphasis on prayer. It will be hard for the heart to make concessions to the spouse, but at one time, out of love for his spouse, he went to church to get married, which was also not easy.
“When you were creating a family, you were both unbelievers and there was no thought about God, but now you have cognized God, and God is love first of all,” writes Archimandrite John to a man who, through the death of his brother, cognized God and the futility of everyday aspirations ... “The Lord, who has already touched your soul, must enter your house through you. You (according to the Gospel) have found a precious pearl, hid it and you want to get rich alone, not thinking about God's love for your loved ones. "
“The wife does not want to live with you - different, strange, unknown to her. She is a worldly person, but you are not spiritual yet, but you only soar in spirit, climbing to heaven in dreams instead of learning to live like a Christian on earth. " And Father John asks his spouse to pray and make every effort so that there is no divorce. It is necessary "to start living not as a monk in a family, but as a family man, for the time being sharing her feeble desires."
