Councils of clergy. Spiritual beacon: advice of Orthodox ascetics of the XX century: Advice of elders. Spirituality is not talking about God
Athonite Elder Tikhon Before giving advice, he prayed, called on the Holy Spirit to come and enlighten him, so that his advice would be useful to the one who inquires. He said: “The Lord left us the Holy Spirit so that we would be enlightened. He is our only leader. Therefore, our Church always begins her service with the invocation of the Holy Spirit: "To the Heavenly King, the Comforter, the Soul of Truth."
“It is a very simple thing to pray, but at the same time it is very difficult. You know how a child prays to his mother. It does not seek skillful words, but simply speaks and asks for help. This is how you ask God simply, without any art, and the Lord will hear your request. But be wise at the same time to keep your attention on prayer. " (Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt)
“O man, learn Christ's humility, and the Lord will give you the taste of the sweetness of prayer ...
Pray simply like a child, and the Lord will hear your prayer, for our Lord is such a Merciful Father that we can neither understand nor imagine it, and only the Holy Spirit reveals to us His great love. " (Venerable Silouan the Athonite)
“Self-justification closes spiritual eyes, and then a person does not see what it really is.
Your salvation and your destruction are in your neighbor. Your salvation depends on how you treat your neighbor. Do not forget to see the image of God in your neighbor.
Any business, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, do it carefully, as in the face of God. Remember that the Lord sees everything. " (Venerable Nikon of Optina)
“You cannot conquer a single passion, not a single sin without grace-filled help, so always ask for help from Christ your Savior. He came into the world for this, for this he suffered, died and rose again, in order to help us in everything, to save us from sin and from the violence of passions, to cleanse our sins, to give us strength in the Holy Spirit to do good deeds, so that educate us, strengthen us, pacify us. You say: how to be saved when sin is at every step and you sin for every minute? The answer to this is simple: at every step, at every minute, call on the Savior, remember the Savior and you will be saved, and you will save others. " (Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt)
"Leave yourself tenderly and non-violently into the hands of God, and He will come and give grace to your soul." (Athonite Elder Porfiry)
“Do not begin before any deed, apparently the smallest and most insignificant, until you call on God to help you to put it into action. Speech for the Lord: "Without Me you cannot do anything else", i.e. say below, think below. In other words: without Me you have no right to do any good deed! Therefore, one should invoke God's grace-filled help either by words or mentally: "Lord bless, Lord help!" with the assurance that without the help of God we cannot do anything useful and saving ... ". (Athonite elder Kirik (Russian elder))
"... In everything, have measure and reasoning." (Athonite Elder Joseph the Hesychast)
“Take care of your conscience, it is the voice of God - the voice of the Guardian Angel. Learn how to protect your conscience from Elder Father Ambrose of Optina. He acquired the grace of the Holy Spirit. Wisdom without grace is madness.
Remember the words of Father Ambrose: "Where it is simple, there are a hundred angels, and where it is tricky, there is not a single one." Achieve the simplicity that only perfect humility can provide. Reach in humility to love with a simple, perfect, embracing prayer for everyone, everyone ...
Wise is the one who has acquired the spirit of the holy, trying to fulfill all the commandments of Christ. And if he is wise, then he is also humble. " (Elder Zechariah)
“You who are sick, do not be discouraged, for you are saved by sickness, poor, do not murmur, for you acquire imperishable wealth by poverty, weeping ones, do not despair, for consolation awaits the Spirit of your Comforter.
Do not be angry, do not complain against each other, do not be angry, do not scold, do not be angry, but be angry only at sins, at the demon, to the sin that attracts: be angry with heretics, do not peace with them, but among yourself, faithful in the world, in love , live in harmony. The haves, help the have-nots, the rich, more come on, the poor, according to your strength, be merciful ... " (Hieromartyr Seraphim (Zvezdinsky))
“Our life is not about playing with cute toys, but about giving as much light and warmth to the people around us as possible. And light and warmth are love for God and neighbors ...
When you are young, you need to make your life right, but you cannot return time to old age. One sage was asked: "What is the most precious thing?" - “Time,” answered the sage, “because in time you can buy everything, but you can buy time itself for nothing ...
Take care of your precious, golden time, hurry up to acquire peace of mind. " (Venerable Confessor George, the Wonderworker of Danilov)
advised his spiritual children: “If you need to leave the Liturgy, then leave after“ Our Father ... And if you have already left with the Communion of Body and Blood, then stand with fear and pray in place, because the Lord himself is present here with the Archangels and Angels. And if you can, shed even a small tear about your unworthiness. "
“Mental life is made up of daily, hourly, every minute thoughts, feelings, desires; all this - like small drops, merging, form a stream, rivers, sea - make up whole lives. And just as a river, a lake is light or cloudy because the drops in them are light or cloudy, so life is joyful or sad, clean or dirty because such are the every minute and daily thoughts and feelings. Such is the infinite future will be - happy or painful, glorious or shameful - what are our everyday thoughts and feelings that have given this or that form, character, property to our soul. It is extremely important to take care of yourself every day, every minute from all pollution. " (St. Nicholas of Japan)
“All sciences and knowledge are nothing without the science of salvation ... One must know that the path of salvation is the path of the Cross ... In the matter of salvation, the Holy Scriptures and the scriptures of the Holy Fathers play an important role - this is the best guide to salvation ... After reading the holy books repentance also plays an important role in the salvation of the soul. Apart from repentance, there is no other way to salvation. Today people are saved only by sorrow and repentance. Without repentance, there is no forgiveness, there is no correction ... Repentance is a staircase leading to paradise ... The burden of our sins is removed by repentance and confession.
Salvation still lies in the struggle with our passions ... Those who are busy with knowing themselves, with their shortcomings, sins, passions, have no time to notice others. Remembering our own sins, we will never think about strangers ... The one who condemns hurts three: to himself, to the listener and to the one he talks about ... Let's better notice virtues in others, and find sins in ourselves ...
Knowing ourselves is the most difficult and most useful knowledge ... Knowing ourselves, our sinfulness, is the beginning of salvation ... In order to accustom ourselves not to condemn anyone, we must immediately pray for the sinner, so that the Lord will correct him, we must breathe a sigh of our neighbor, in order to sigh about yourself at the same time. Do not condemn your neighbor: you know his sin, but you do not know his repentance. In order not to condemn, you need to run away from the condemning and keep your hearing. Let's take one rule for ourselves: do not believe those who condemn; and another: never speak ill of those who are absent. Do not think evil about anyone, otherwise you yourself will become evil, for the good thinks good, and the evil thinks evil. Let us remember the old folk sayings: “In what you condemn whom, in that you yourself will stay”; "Know yourself - and it will be with you." The shortcut to salvation is not to judge. This is the way - without fasting, without vigilance and labor.
Not every deed is pleasing to God, but only done right with reasoning ... For example, you can fast, but with a murmur for fasting, or for food, or for a food preparation; you can fast, but condemn those who are not fasting, fast and take pride in fasting, run around your neighbor with your tongue. You can endure illness or grief, but murmur against God or people, complain about your lot ... Such "good deeds" are displeasing to the Lord, since they are done without judgment ... " (Rev. Simeon (Zhelnin))
“You live easier - like a little child. The Lord is so loving that you cannot even imagine. Although we are sinners, still go to the Lord and ask for forgiveness. Just do not be discouraged - be like a child. Although he broke the most expensive vessel, he still goes to his father with weeping, and the father, seeing his child crying, forgets that expensive vessel. He takes this child in his arms, kisses him, hugs him and himself persuades his child not to cry. So the Lord, although it happens that we also commit mortal sins, He is still waiting for us when we come to Him with repentance ...
Without God - not a threshold. If all your affairs are going well, smoothly, it means that the Lord has blessed them, and any planned business is done, and if there are any obstacles in what, then, it is true, it is against God's will; it's better not to spin - still nothing will work out, but obey the will of God ...
Who will give you a hat, and you thank him - here is the alms for you ...
Live, do not grieve, do not be afraid of anyone. If someone scolds - shut up; and if you walk past, when someone is scolding or condemning someone - you do not listen. " (Archimandrite Afinogen (Agapov))
Schedule Savva (Ostapenko) when resolving "bewildered" questions, he blessed his spiritual children to draw lots. Schedule Savva said: “It is possible and even commendable to use the lot in bewildered cases. Before that, it is necessary to make three obeisances with the Jesus Prayer and read “Heavenly King”, three times “Our Father”, three times “Virgin Mary, rejoice” and “I believe”. You just need to have a living faith and trust in God. "
The schema-abbot Savva advised the believers to read the following prayer at home every day: “In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and his suffering for the human race, leave, enemy of the human race, from this house for 24 hours. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen".
The Monk Seraphim Vyritsky advised spiritual children to read the prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian "Lord and Master of my belly ...". He said that this prayer is the whole essence of Orthodoxy, the whole Gospel: "Reading it, we ask the Lord for help in acquiring the properties of a new person."
“There are no difficulties that have no solution in Christ. Surrender to Christ and He will find you a solution.
Do not be afraid of difficulties. Love them, thank God for them. They have a purpose for your soul.
Submit yourself tenderly and non-violently into the hands of God, and He will come and give grace to your soul. " (Athonite Elder Porfiry)
"In everything, have measure and reasoning ..." (Athonite Elder Joseph)
“Don't seek comfort from people. And when you get a little consolation from someone, expect double sorrow. Seek comfort and help from God alone. " (Elder Jerome of Aeginsky)
“The golden mean is needed in everything and moderation. And in relation to serving God and one's salvation, constancy is needed. It is the main thing, not haste, not excessiveness ... The quieter you go, the further you will be. (Rev. Sevastian of Karaganda)
“To live like a Christian, hold on Orthodox Church... Live the Christian life. It is necessary to take communion once a month, at home to use Epiphany water and part of the holy prosphora in the morning.
The Gospel says: “Your faith has saved you,” that is, the first Christians possessed great faith. The Lord reminded them to have a living faith and high Christian piety. So they tried to live for real. The Lord blessed them for labors, for deeds. They strongly confessed Christ, believed Him and often gave their lives - as the holy healer Panteleimon, George the Victorious (first minister of Diocletian), Great Martyr Barbara, Great Martyr Paraskeva, Great Martyr Catherine and others ... These are the lights of the first Christian people! Imitate them, read them, follow them.
May God grant you to succeed in everything, and go from strength to strength, and achieve the highest spiritual perfection. " (Elder Theophilus (Rossokha))
“Never make any promises. As soon as you give, the enemy will immediately begin to interfere. For example, regarding the consumption of meat. Do not take a vow, otherwise - even if you do not eat all your life.
Alms can be given not only for peace, but also for health, for this is of great benefit to the soul. " (Venerable Alexy (Soloviev))
Venerable Lawrence of Chernigov said: “It is necessary that there be peace in the soul. Salvation is hard, but wise. At this time, you need to be wise, and you will be saved ... Those who are written in the "Book of Life" are happy.
In order to be recorded in the "Book of Life", you need to read the prayer of John Chrysostom "Lord, do not deprive me of Your heavenly blessings" ..., to converse with the Lord with your mind. Whoever has an attraction to the church is recorded in the Book of Life. "
"Do nothing of your own free will, feel the presence of God in every place, and therefore do everything as before God, and not before people." (Glinsky elder Andronic (Lukash))
“We must do everything within our power. For the bodily, all forces are killed, but for the soul there are several sleepy minutes. Is it so possible? We must remember the words of the Savior: Seek first the kingdom of God ... and so on. This commandment, like “Thou shalt not kill,” “Do not fornicate,” etc. Violation of this commandment often harms the soul more than an accidental fall. It imperceptibly cools the soul, keeps it insensible, and often leads to spiritual death ... It is necessary at least once a day for a few minutes to put ourselves on trial before the Lord, as if we had died and on the fortieth day we stand before the Lord and wait for the saying about us where the Lord will send us. Presenting ourselves in our minds before the Lord in anticipation of the judgment, we will cry and implore the mercy of God for mercy on us, for forgiveness of our huge unpaid debt. I advise everyone to take this in constant practice until death. Better in the evening, but you can at any time, concentrate with all your soul and beg the Lord to forgive us and have mercy; even better several times a day. This is the commandment of God and the Holy Fathers, take care at least a little about your soul. Everything passes, death is behind us, but we do not think at all with what we will stand up for judgment and what the Righteous Judge will say about us, who knows and remembers every movement of ours - the most subtle - of soul and body from youth to death. What are we going to answer?
That is why the Holy Fathers here wept and begged the Lord for forgiveness, so as not to weep at the Judgment and in eternity. If they needed crying, then we, the accursed ones, why do we consider ourselves good and live so carelessly and think only of everyday life. Forgive me teaching and doing nothing.
May the Lord grant the patience of his weaknesses, and bear the burden of those around us, not only without murmuring, but also with gratitude to our Lord our Savior, who has borne all sorts of insults and suffering for us. May the Lord give you unfeigned true love for your neighbors and for all people ...
To him who loves the Lord, all things progress towards salvation, ”and from the Lord the feet of man are corrected. No one himself was saved, but we all have one Savior. A person can only desire salvation, but he cannot save himself. One must desire salvation, realizing oneself as perishing, unfit for the kingdom of God, and this desire for salvation must be shown to the Lord by prayer to Him and by the feasible fulfillment of His will, and constant repentance ... " (Hegumen Nikon (Vorobyov))
“You should always thank God. What we have, we do not appreciate, but when we lose we cry. Do not forget to thank the Lord for everything: for waking up, for sending food, for seeing the beauty of the earth, for living the day, for everything good, for his patience, for the trials sent ... " (Archbishop Gabriel (Ogorodnikov))
“Everyone, serve God in the place where you are called. If you are a priest, feed the flock diligently, like a good shepherd, laying down your soul for the sheep; if a monk - be an example of all moral qualities, an earthly angel is a heavenly person, and if you are a family ... - dear families, you are the basis of life, you are a small church (Archimandrite Tavrion (Batozsky))
“Pray when you have feelings and health, until the last minute of your life, do not postpone prayer until the last hour. It is good to pray during the day, but night prayer is incomparable ... " (Hieromonk Daniel (Fomin))
“Fight with sin - know your business ... Humiliation is good ... You always need to blame yourself ... There should be no attachment to anyone or anything, only to God ... We must strive for God, seek the Divine that to get attached to a person. "
“As a bee collects honey from flowers, so a person should learn goodness from every person ... The Lord gave each person good talents, and it is from these Lord's talents that you need to take as much as you can, as much as circumstances allow. And the bad - to discard, both your own and someone else's: try to eradicate your evil, and immediately discard someone else's bad. And you should never gloat. Much is hidden from us by the Lord; much of its own is closed. Many great sinners became great righteous when they realized their sins and repented. And many of the former righteous perished because of pride and conceit. Everyone should believe and firmly know that no one can be saved without God by his own strength and reason and good deeds. And we are all saved by a great sacrifice. This sacrifice is the Son of God, who suffered for us and shed His most pure blood for us. " (Elder Theodore (Sokolov))
“The realization that you are not spiritually advancing will serve for self-reproach ... Whatever happens to you, never blame anyone but yourself. For all the troubles and hardships, thank God. If you believe in God's providence, commit yourself to Him, then you will find great peace. " (Venerable Barnabas (Elder of Radonezh))
"... IN Everyday life it is important not to let yourself be oppressed by thoughts about material things, not to tremble over them, but to observe a certain indifference towards them. With this quality, we will be able not only to be more free spiritually, but also to conduct all our affairs more easily ...
The best way to prepare for the future is to live the present as best as possible ... We need to live in the present ... We should first of all care about who we are in the present, the state in which we can now appear before Christ. " (Archimandrite Sergius (Shevich))
“We must cultivate in ourselves the spirit of meekness, humility, gentleness, patience and moderation in all our actions. And in order to have such a disposition of spirit in oneself, one must remember the general human weakness, the general inclination to sins, especially our great weaknesses and sins, as well as the infinite mercy of God towards us ourselves, which forgave and forgives us many and serious sins for our repentance and supplication.
The Lord said: "I want mercy, not sacrifice." He, the merciful One, also wants from us mercy, mercy, gentleness and patience in relation to our neighbors. He is always ready to help us in any good deed. If you have an evil heart, ask in repentance that He softened your heart, made you meek and long-suffering, and it will be so. " (Schiarchimandrite Theophilus (Rossokha))
“We must unload each other when we see that it is hard for a person; you need to approach him, take on his burden, lighten it, help with what you can ... Doing so, ... living with them, you can completely renounce your self, completely forget about him. When we have this and prayer, then we will not be lost anywhere, wherever we come and whoever we meet. "
“We must fight against pride. Pray to God, asking for His help, and God will help you get rid of all passions ... Do not be discouraged and do not be discouraged. Pray to God with faith and full trust in His mercy. For God, everything is possible, only we, on our part, should not think that we are worthy of special care for us from God. This is pride. And God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Be attentive to yourself. All the trials that befall us sickness and sorrow are not without reason. But if you endure everything without complaint, then the Lord will not leave you without rewards. If not here on earth, then in every possible way in heaven.
Let us humble ourselves under the strong hand of God and completely surrender ourselves to the will of God and find peace of mind. " (Elder Stefan (Ignatenko))
“Achieve the simplicity that only perfect humility provides. You cannot explain this in words, only experience is cognized. And in God and for God one can live only in humility and simplicity. Reach in humility to love a simple, holy, perfect, embracing prayer for all. And with mercy to the weak, sick, incomprehensible, unhappy, mired in sins, imitate your heavenly patrons - the saints. Try to acquire the joy of heaven, so that you can rejoice in the repentance of every lost person with an angel. " (Elder Zechariah)
“Malice does not destroy malice, but if someone does evil to you, do good to him, in order to destroy malice with a good deed.
If you wish to receive the Kingdom of Heaven, hate all earthly possessions ... Evil lust perverts the heart and changes the mind. Remove it from yourself, so that the Holy Spirit does not grieve in you.
Do nothing of your own free will, feel the presence of God in every place, and therefore do everything as before God, and not before people. " (Glinsky elder Schema-Archimandrite Andronicus)
“If you do not fall, you will not know repentance. If you have been slandered, you have responded to good with evil, do not keep evil in your heart. Forgive and rejoice, because thanks to this you have come a few steps closer to God ... Whoever pleads with himself will be exalted ... Realize your weakness ... Conscience is a particle of God in your heart.
Don't worry about the flesh, think about the salvation of the soul. He who has conquered his tongue and womb is already on the right path ... You cannot be saved without sorrow ... A daring person who does not see his sins and thinks a lot about himself. All those who are proud and vain at heart are abominable in the eyes of the Lord.
Others' sins are none of your business. You sit and cry about your sins ... Breaking a promise is a great sin ... You must have one fear - the fear of committing a sin.
Not knowing the spiritual state of your neighbor, do not give advice. Your advice can ruin him. " (Archimandrite Gabriel (Urgebadze))
“... Beware of seeking gratitude. Don't look for ever gratitude, but you be grateful no matter how much someone gets. If you realize this, then you will have a great blessing from God ... Because when God intends to help a person, for example, you, He will send someone. This somebody is random. Those. God sent him on the occasion ... Who am I, this accidental ... The experience of my life taught me that no one can help someone with his problems until the time of God comes. Then a solution will be given. Not as we want, but as He wants. This decision often hurts us, but after years we will understand His wisdom. " (Schema Nun Gabriel (Gerontissa Gabriel))
“You just have to eat food with the cross. When the times come, everything will be poisoned. But if you baptize with faith, you will live. And the other will drink or eat the same without crossing himself - he will die.
Close your mouth better, with seven locks, as the holy fathers say, know your business: do the Jesus Prayer, how much good it brings in life. Silence is an angelic prayer. It cannot be compared with our human prayer ... If we condemn our neighbor for some kind of sin, it means that he still lives in us ... When the soul is pure, it will never condemn. Because “do not judge, lest you be judged” (Matt. 7: 1) ”. (Advice of Schema Nun Antonia)
"Food is a gift of God's Love, a sacrifice of nature, and everyone should eat it with great reverence and prayer." (Moscow old lady Olga)
“If married, what is the most important thing in marriage? Observe fasts. And if not, then live in purity and no prodigal thoughts. Don't judge. Pray a lot. To love God ... Love covers a multitude of sins. "
To the question of the spiritual daughter: "To marry or not?" Schedule Jerome answered thus: “Seek salvation. When a ship sinks into the sea, the sailors think about salvation, not about repairing the cabin. If marriage is your salvation, then get married and do not hesitate. And if this is a cabin on a sinking ship, then this is death. Seek salvation, and there the Lord will control everything.
"Those who get up (for prayer) at three in the morning receive gold, those who get up at five - silver, and who at six - bronze." (Shiigumen Jerome (Verendyakin))
Old man Archimandrite Hippolyte (Khalin) in difficult situations he often advised spiritual children: "Pray to St. Nicholas, and everything will be managed."
“You should always blame yourself ... There should be no attachment to anyone or anything, only to God ... You should strive for God, seek the Divine, that you should always be attached to a person ... You should always remember the goal - salvation. This is the work of a lifetime ... It is necessary to take steps, like a blind man. Lost the way - knocks around with a stick, can't find it, suddenly found it - and again with joy forward. A stick for us is a prayer ... Nothing is given soon. And during life it may, and in the end it will not be given, but after death, virtues will surround you and exalt you. " (Elder of Glinsky Schema-Archimandrite John (Maslov))
When to Elder Leonty people complained about everyday quarrels, he said: "Do not take everything to heart, turn a blind eye."
“Whatever has been sent down, everything is from the Lord for healing, for correction. When they tell you a lie, thank you and ask for forgiveness. Only then will there be a reward when you are not guilty, but you are being scolded ... " (Elder Nikolai from the island of Zalit)
Pyukhtitskaya blessed eldress Ekaterina advised to live simply, not to condemn others. She said that pride is the absorber of all virtues, and the reason for condemnation is inattentive spiritual life. The blessed eldress urged everyone to fight pride, to humble themselves.
"Fast, pray, this is salvation ..." (Blessed Eldress Schema-nun Makariya (Artemyeva))
“The neighbor must be put in the place where you are standing, which means that you must first leave the place where you are standing ... Everywhere the self has captured everything for itself, does not want to yield to the neighbor, and how can the soul of a neighbor love when he feels that he is she takes everything away from her, having the same rights to everything as she does ... You must take everything away from yourself in order to yield everything to your neighbor, and then, together with your neighbor, the soul will find the Lord ... repentance, you need to work where you sinned, get up where you fell, correct what you have ruined, save what you have lost by your own negligence, your own passions. Salvation is possible in every place and in every business ... (Abbess Arseny (Sebryakova))
Matushka Arsenia said that, according to the advice of the holy fathers, one should not make any decision in times of mental confusion.
"By force Of the Life-giving Cross save yourself and defend yourself. The enemy is advancing - it is imperative to pray. Sudden death happens if without prayer. The enemy is on the left shoulder, and on the right is the Angel. Cross yourself more often: the cross is the same lock as on the door ... If they say something offensive to you, old, sick, do not listen to them, but help them ... " (Blessed Matrona of Moscow)
"Do not forget God, and God will not forget you." (Elder Balabanov Ambrose)
“With tears I ask and pray you, be suns, warming those around you, if not all, then the family in which the Lord made you a member ...
Be warm and light to those around you; try to warm your family first, work on it, and then these works will entice you so much that your family circle will already be narrow for you, and these warm rays will eventually capture more and more people and the circle illuminated by you will gradually increase and increase; try so hard to keep your lamp bright. " (Holy Righteous Alexy Mechev)
Probably, there is no such person on earth who would not dream of becoming happy. But everyone has their own idea of happiness. Someone sees happiness in material prosperity and wealth, someone in success and popularity among others, someone lacks a second half for happiness, someone health ...
According to the teachings of the holy fathers of the Church, true happiness for a person is hidden not in worldly joys, which can disappear in an instant, but in love for the Lord, which transforms the world around us.
For example, hardly anyone would dare to call the monks from Mount Athos unhappy, and meanwhile, the monks are incredibly far from the pleasures of the world: abundant food, sound sleep, wealth and other components of "happiness" in the worldly sense.
We will tell you about 7 secrets of happiness of the Athos monks.
1. Faith in God
Of course, the very first secret of the happiness of the Svyatogorsk monks is faith and love for the Lord. If a person can come to this in his life, then nothing can make him unhappy.
Once a woman asked the Monk Porfiry Kavsokalivit why he calls himself happy, because his health had seriously deteriorated. To this the saint replied: “Read the Holy Scriptures, go to church, have a confessor, partake of the Holy Mysteries - in one word, be a good Christian. Then you will find the joy you are looking for. You can see that I am sick now, but I am happy. Likewise, when you come a little closer to Christ, you will find joy in your life, ”said the monk.
2. Release from vanity and anxiety
The Monk Paisios Svyatorets advised to feel happy, to live a natural and simple life, in which there is no place for excessive luxury, vanity and unnecessary worries.
“Once a doctor from America came to see me at my kaliva,” said the monk. “He told me about life there. People there have already turned into machines - they give whole days to work. Each family member must have their own car. In addition, at home, for everyone to feel comfortable, there should be four televisions. So come on - work, exhaust yourself, earn a lot of money to say later that you are comfortable and happy. But what does all this have to do with happiness? Such anxiety-filled life with its non-stop race is not happiness, but hellish torment. "
3. A sober mind
The monk Simeon the Athonite has a short parable that vividly illustrates that external circumstances do not in the least affect whether we feel happy or not. Salvation is in ourselves, so you need to have a sober mind in order to withstand difficulties.
Here is this parable: “A man who could not swim flailed in the river in a panic. He raised a cloud of spray and waves ran along the river, which the man in fear took for a dangerous current. He began to fight the river waves. Finally, the drowning man figured out how to stay on the water and gradually swam to the shore. Having got out of the water, the swimmer looked around and saw that there was complete silence on the river, and he was constantly struggling with the waves and splashes that he himself created. All misfortunes begin with ourselves. But if you put things in order in your thoughts, these misfortunes will end in you ”.
4. Pure heart
According to the words of St. Nektarios of Aegins, the sure way to happiness is to have a pure, good-natured heart.
“Happiness is a pure heart, because such a heart becomes the throne of God. Thus says the Lord for those who have a pure heart: "I will dwell in them and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they will be My people" (2 Cor. 6:16). What else can they lack? Nothing, truly nothing! Because they have in their hearts the greatest blessing - God Himself! ”.
5. Ability to forgive
Forgiveness is one of the most important Christian virtues, so everyone who strives for happiness must learn to forgive their neighbor. Thanks to forgiveness, a person frees his heart from the burden of old grievances, and a joyful heart is always happy. “This is our law: if you forgive, it means that the Lord has forgiven you too; and if you do not forgive your brother, then your sin remains with you, ”said Silouan the Athonite.
6. Give more than take
In order to become happy yourself, you need to share your joy and happiness with your neighbor. It seems that there is no secret in this, but according to the words of the monk Simeon the Athonite, this skill is the rarest among people, but whoever comprehends it becomes happy.
7. Be content with little
"Desires are the rubbish of the world," said the monk Simeon of Athos. Indeed, the more a person is fixated on his desires, the more immoderate his appetites become and, not being able to get enough, a person condemns himself to misfortune.
The Monk Pasisy Svyatorets advised to resist desires - with moderation.
“Happiness is found when people are content with little. What are people doing today? They buy… buy… buy things, cars, electronics and a bunch of other things and, naturally, they do not have enough money, and they are constantly in anxiety. You need to be content with little and not aim at a lot, because, having what is required and only what is necessary, you do not need to work a lot. Then they will have more time to sit at home with their children and family, to do something, to pray and, in general, to be in the warmth and comfort of the family, and not to be in constant stress on the roads, ”said the saint.
About the right choice life path not only those who are just beginning to take independent steps along the road of life think about it, but also those who have already done a very significant segment of it. Someone realized that they were going in the wrong direction, someone was attracted by the side paths, showing other possibilities for realizing their talents ... What to do? How do you know which road is right for you? How to understand what is God's providence for you? What to do to open the road of life in a clear perspective? And who can help if you're at a crossroads? Pastors of the Russian Orthodox Church give their advice
THE LORD REVEALS HIS WILL TO THOSE WHO LIVE ACCORDING TO HIS WILL
Not a single person is born just like that, as a result of a confluence of some random circumstances. Each of us is called into being by the will of God... We can say that even before the existence of the world, before the existence of this entire universe each of us was already present in God's plan... And therefore there was a certain divine plan for each of us... And, of course, the Lord wants us to fulfill this plan in our lives, so that each of us, as much as possible, live a full life, a happy life... AND implemented everything those talents that the Lord has awarded us.
Consequently, we just have to trust Him in everything and ask Him to show us this way. Of course, a person can say: “Behold, I pray to God, I ask Him to open this path for me, but I do not receive an answer. Why?" There is always an answer to this question, and the answer is very simple, which, nevertheless, is very difficult to understand. When a person seeks to fulfill the will of God in everything in which it is obvious, then the Lord reveals to him His will in those situations when it seems to be hidden. If a person does not fulfill the obvious will of God, then it is all the more hidden from him at certain moments when we especially need to know it. And the answer, indeed, turns out to be very clear: if you strive to fulfill the will of God every day in your daily life, then the Lord will certainly reveal it to you when you especially need to know it, and will also show you your path.
And one more thing: when we ask God for something, then we often conceal the following thought in ourselves: "Here, Lord, I ask for this and that, but in fact I want it to be so"... I ask the Lord to reveal His will to me, but at the same time I have a clear idea of what I myself want. But you need to give it up and offer oneself to God as if completely naked from all wishes and talk: "Lord, as you please, so be it." And at the same time, to understand that in fact what God wants, we may not be at all pleasing, and that we give God freedom to do with us what He wants, and this can be both difficult and unpleasant for us, and even painful and excruciating.
But there is something else that needs to be remembered: if we understand all this and ask for it, The Lord not only reveals His will to us, but also helps to fulfill it, and He Himself builds up our whole life... AND the way to this is through trust- that which is so difficult to give and so necessary.
CHOOSING THE WAY, YOU SHOULD HAVE AND THE DECISION TO FOLLOW IT
When choosing your good path, you must, first of all, take into account the determination of your will to remain on this path irreversibly! This is what you need to pray about, so that the clarity of what the heart is leaning towards appears in the heart... This can be seen both from past successful experiences of meeting with this ministry, and from the enthusiasm of the heart while exploring the possible prospects for your gradual ascent to perfection in it.
THE PROFESSION MAY NOT COUNT WITH THE VOICE, BUT GIVE MEANS FOR ITS IMPLEMENTATION
I have no answer to this question, except for general considerations that
the profession should not contradict the commandments(hitman, porn actor, etc. have nothing to do with what we can choose from). That is, before making a positive choice, it would be good to immediately cut off everything that is inappropriate;
the profession may not coincide with the vocation, being a means for the implementation of the latter... For example, a person can earn money as a businessman, but put his soul into the creation of a gallery, which later became known as the Tretyakov Gallery;
accident is the alias of the Fishery, and if you have an unplanned opportunity to learn any skills, learn a language, take part in any good business (not to the detriment of other matters), better try... Because out of these seemingly random options, a tree of life can grow very different from what we designed ourselves;
in some cases, our profession is given to us so that we step over it and go further... How this happens is described by Tolkien's dying and very small-sized narration "A Sheet by Niggle's Brush", or "A Sheet of Melkin's Work" - depending on the translation into Russian.
IT IS CORRECT TO CONSULT WITH A SPIRITUARY
If we are talking about doubts about whether the already existing profession has been chosen correctly, then we recall what the people say: "They do not seek from goodness"... You have a job, you are happy with it, well, thank God. As they say: "Best the enemy of the good"... You have - and have and thank God.
If you are at the beginning of your journey, graduated from school, college, choose your own path in life, then, of course, this is the most important and most difficult problem, but for a church person, it is somewhat easier to resolve, because one can consult with a confessor... Of course it is necessary consult with parents. And pray, seek... The confessor also needs to offer options, and not like this: "Tell me, father, what should I do?" - "And what do you want to do, what do you have a soul for?" - "No, you tell me, father!" So, perhaps, one can turn, if he is really a spirit-bearing elder, to whom the Lord reveals His will. But are there such elders now? Somehow the Lord hides them from us, or maybe we just don't know these wonderful people because the world is held by the prayers of the righteous and the righteous will never become scarce with the Lord. Another thing is how to find the elder ...
Well, if you yourself cannot be inclined towards something definite yet, then think, pray, consult, look for options, and if there are several options, choose the best one, the one that attracts you the most... Let's say that work is more interesting there, but they pay more in another place. You must understand what is more important to you. And although it may be attracted to you interesting job, but you have a family, you need to support it, earnings are important, albeit at a "boring" job, what can you do ... Or, on the contrary, you see that the work is so interesting, you are so keen on it, and there is a possibility that you are through for some time you will achieve success and you will have material well-being ... There are a lot of pros and cons, they need to be weighed and, of course, discussed with people who love you, know, pray for you and help you. Then you will find the right solution.
A PERSON SHOULD DO WHAT IS FOR HIM
I am deeply convinced that a person should do what he likes... Earthly life is too short to spend it on uninteresting activities for us, unless, of course, you are the head of a large family and simply must be able to feed it. But in this case, you can look for something to your liking.
People who have learned that they have ... a fatal (or terrible) diagnosis come to the conclusion that it is necessary to do what they want. I have met this many times. Only a person who was told that, for example, he had oncology, suddenly says to himself: stop! Why am I selling sausage if I have dreamed of doing photography all my life ?! or all my life I wanted to sing, so why not learn now ?!
And these people are doing what they love. And they often recover or receive support in illness, because the activity that they like is a huge potential and resource, thanks to which the whole human being is restored and feels better. And I think that it seems that a person in such circumstances intuitively feels what he needs to survive.
It is, of course, easier for a Christian than for an unbeliever to make the right choice..
And that's why.
First: we understand that there is eternity, therefore, acquisition, earning cannot be an end in itself for us... The very understanding of this is an incentive to do what you want, and not something more profitable.
Second: a Christian knows (from the Holy Scriptures) that for each of us God has measured out his talents and gifts... And everyone can serve the Church in their own way. The apostle Paul said about this beautifully:
“The gifts are different, but the Spirit is the same; and the offices are different, but the Lord is the same; and actions are different, but God is one and the same, who works everything in everyone. But everyone is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the benefit. One is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom, to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; faith to another, by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healings, by the same Spirit; to another miracles, to another prophecy, to another discernment of spirits, to another different languages, to another interpretation of tongues. Yet one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each separately, as He pleases "(1 Cor. 12: 4-11).
Just think: each of us has his own gifts, and this is from God! How wonderful that we can realize that precious potential that God gave us, and all this is for the benefit of the Body of Christ - the Church and for our salvation!
Therefore it is necessary listen to yourself and try to decide what you want to do, what your soul lies in. And try yourself... Even if you don’t guess right the first time, I don’t see anything wrong with that.
CHOOSING LIFE, LOOK INTO YOUR HEART
Perhaps, choosing a life path is one of the most difficult and painful... Even in the lower grades, schools are given to write an essay on the topic: "What am I going to become." But the soul, as a rule, rushes from one to another for many years. For example, for a long time I wanted to become an investigator, to solve crimes, but as a result I became a priest, and now, in a sense, crimes have to be solved too, more precisely - people themselves reveal their sins in confession, and my task is not to put those who have fallen into spiritual crimes. but, on the contrary, to help them find true freedom of heart.
The most important thing that I personally would advise is choose a profession not according to the principle of "how much they will pay", but according to the principle "how much it inspires and pleases"... If you look for a job just for the sake of earning money, you will never be satisfied. In our spoiled soul, there is no clear criterion for security. Experience shows that no matter how much a person tries to earn, he still wants more. Actually richer is the one who is less attached to money, who least of all depends on their accumulation.
Work should be pleasing, enjoyable... Therefore, I will offer the most elementary advice: think, what would you like to do? So try to master it.
The choice of a profession should be approached in the same way as the choice of a life partner.... In order not to be mistaken, it is important to feel kinship in your heart, that it is yours, corresponding to your inner peace dear to your heart. Then unnecessary mistakes can be avoided in advance.
There is also such a thing as a vocation... The Lord has put some gifts into the soul of every person. After all, someone is called to become a surgeon, and someone is a teacher, someone is a military man, and someone is a singer in the choir of a parish church. We can recognize a vocation as a special inner call that tells us what to strive for and what to look for, and is accompanied by a special creative inspiration. This is a new understanding of life, when landmarks appear and you are trying to achieve a suddenly important goal for you. This is an inner voice that needs to be heard, and this requires sensitivity to what is happening inside.
Here it is important to look inside your own heart listen to his inner call. And let the choice of life's path correspond to the search of the heart, then this choice will not oppress, but nourish and strengthen the soul.
Sometimes a person is still lost and does not know what step to take. At least, we can pray that the Lord will enlighten, enlighten and He Himself directed our lives for good. The Savior said:
"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and you will find; knock, and they will open for you "(Matt. 7: 7).
The main thing is not to sit idly by. He who does not seek anything will find nothing., but he who seeks will certainly find. The Lord hears the prayers of seeking people and always helps them.
MAN DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE WILL OF GOD IF I DOESN'T ACT
One thing can be said: the person is not recognized but it is the will of God if, firstly, he does not seek with all his heart the fulfillment of God's will, and secondly, if he doesn't act... Mistakes are not scary. Precisely mistakes, not deliberate sins. Because when a person really seeks the fulfillment of the will of God and acts, the Lord finds an opportunity to reveal to a person what he is right and what he is wrong, what needs to grow and be affirmed, and what to leave. Moreover, perhaps there is no other way. And when a person is looking for an experienced confessor in order to ask him the will of God about himself, this is good, of course, and right, but even here a lot depends on the faith of the person himself, on the intensity of his prayer. Because if a person is serious and prays with faith, the Lord will certainly reveal His will to him, and if he is in carelessness and relaxation, then no elder, even a truly spirit-bearing one, will help him.
Life is a creative process, and the Lord wants us to live full, creative lives., using all his strength to avoid sin and consciously do the commandments of God. Now, if there is such an attitude, then no matter what we do, the Lord will certainly help us find our place in life, get out on our way.
THE MAJOR IS TO REMAIN A CHRISTIAN
Standing at a crossroads, you need first of all, to be affirmed in the decision that you will follow the chosen path as a Christian. First of all, you will be a Christian, secondly, a doctor, or a lawyer, or an athlete.... You need to carefully weigh and evaluate: can you sustain this prioritization? Will sports, or business, or something else absorb your Christian beliefs? Will you not be forced to act contrary to the commandments within the framework of your professional activity, as, say, doctors who perform abortions do it?
The main thing is to make a decision on your own after consulting, thinking, praying.
And there is also a lot of evidence when people went to a radical change in their lifestyle, when they realized that something was wrong. And they did it! He was a businessman - he became an artist. He was a builder - he became a livestock breeder. I was a livestock breeder - I became a priest! Who is not wrong? That's right: the one who does nothing.
About household chores . Everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. The husband supports the family, and the wife should be the guardian of the house.
- Should a husband help his wife with household chores?
- I would put it differently: can a husband help his wife with household chores? Maybe. But you can't say "should". After all, what is debt? This is a duty. And we have already said that everyone in the family has their own responsibilities. The husband supports the family, and the wife should be the guardian of the house.
That is, household chores are mostly still on her shoulders. And to force the husband to constantly wash the floors, you cannot wash them. I know that husbands themselves do it with pleasure if they see that it is difficult for a wife. But when they are forced, it is very sad for them, everything inside resists, because it is not their responsibility. Some women boast: "My husband washes, cooks, cleans ...". It should be understood that when the wife begins to gradually gain authority and power in the family and the husband is relegated to secondary roles, this is the path to the disintegration of the family. There must be the authority of the husband and father. It is very important. Just like there should be the authority of God for a husband. Therefore, in doing household chores, you can ask your husband for help, but you cannot order. You can accept help, but you cannot legitimize it.
- Which spouse is most responsible for raising children?
- In the Orthodox tradition, a wife should still be a domestic person, bring up children. It is a great work - to run a house, a household, and a woman usually did nothing else. Due to poverty, when her husband was unable to support his family, his wife had to work. But even if the wife's salary is higher than that of her husband, she must forget it. Traditionally, the entire way of family life emphasized the authority of the husband, father. He sat in the main seat at the table and until he took a spoon, no one started dinner. And now mommy is bringing a plate to her son, daughter first, then she will remember about dad. Little things, but they are destructive. They exalt children, children cease to obey their parents, the authority of adults is lost. The art of family life is the art of wisdom. Humble wisdom. If dad is resting, everyone should walk on tiptoe. If it's hard for mom, dad should say: "Come on, kids, we will help." You need to see this, you need to notice each other, love, respect, live by caring for each other. And when you see only yourself, your fatigue, your desires, you begin to feel sorry only for yourself.
- But what if the woman still has to take on the responsibilities of the head?
- Do not take! It is a sin when a husband gives his wife power in the family, and it is exactly the same sin when she takes it. They give you, but don't take it: "No, dear, you are the head of the family." It is not necessary to say this, but in everyday life, with an attitude, emphasize the dominant role of a man.
- How not to take it? The family will be poor. Can it be so?
- Maybe. The trouble is that we are trying to live in comparison with others. And you have to be content with what you have. The wife feeds the family, but there is no need to take power. Her husband is unemployed, cannot earn money, but he should still be put in the first place, maintain a respectful attitude, and show that he is in charge of the family. Power is not in who more money brings, and in the hierarchy before God.
- It so happens that a woman leader does not emphasize her leadership position in the family, but the husband still experiences this painfully.
- Emphasizes, unfortunately. This she thinks she is not emphasizing. The internal state is very inertial. When a person comes back from work, where he was a leader, it can be difficult to switch to family life. This happens when we begin to treat work as the main thing in life, but work is obedience and there is nothing to be proud of. There is intrafamilial obedience, and there is social obedience. And everyone should be treated responsibly, but not make a cult out of him. Unfortunately, novices among us are bad. This is the whole point.
About disagreements. It must be understood that a loved one is showing weakness. And try not to give him a reason.
- Why do they say: "Lovely swear - only amuse themselves "? - This is not dangerous?
- They do not swear, but scold, that is, grumble. They could have quarreled, but humbled themselves to the point that they only grumble. They managed to extinguish the fire of irritability inside themselves, quarrels, when a conflict could arise. But when they swear, they no longer amuse themselves. And they squeeze each other out of the light. When a person extinguishes the fire in himself, it gives consolation and joy that he managed not to bring the matter to conflict. Then they amuse themselves, of course.
The elder said of the usual disagreements between spouses:
"Spouses must have the same spiritual father. For two pieces of wood to fit perfectly to each other, they need to be scolded one plane. "And another time he said:"Spouses must have a confessor, because without an arbiter there can be no competition. "From books by priest Dionysius Tatsis "Archondarik in the open air", M., 1998.
- What to do if a husband or wife begins to make fun of the spouse's weaknesses in public, say sharp, unpleasant things?
- The Holy Fathers say that not a word should be told about internal family problems. Not like making fun of each other, but you don't even need to share with anyone. If you reveal the secrets of family life to other people, you give power over your family life. And people are not all decent. In no case should you boast, or rejoice, or share your sorrows. This is an inner, very mysterious life, it must be protected. A person can show weakness in the family, but it was in the family that he showed it, he hoped that his relatives would understand him. He, perhaps, in a different situation would not have shown it, but here he could not restrain himself, showed his weakness, but not because he takes revenge on his loved ones, but because he believes them. A husband opens his soul to his wife, because he trusts, as in confession one trusts a priest, and when there is a violation of a secret, this is very close to divulging a confession. It is sad when they begin to mock each other, tell secrets, and humiliate. This speaks of the depravity of the person who allows himself to do this, the lack of wisdom.
- What is the second person to do in such a situation?
- Try to reason with your spouse and endure. And try not to give him a reason for ridicule.
So, I say this to you and to everyone: never strive to correct each other with anger, for the temptation of temptation does not eliminate, but with humility and sincere love. If you see anger ahead, put off the correction for a while. And when you see that the anger has passed, and peace has come, and reasoning works dispassionately, then speak useful.
My beloved sister, rejoice in the Lord. Today I received your letter full of love and awe. And, raising his hands, with a warm soul and ardent love in the secret voices of my humble heart, I prayed to the Lord: “Hear, - I say, - sweet Love, Jesus my Savior, Light above all light, from the beginningless Father, Parent, Knowledge and Truth, my Hope and Consolation, my Fortress and Strength, my Love and Enlightenment, hear and send to my sister the light of Your Divine consolation, and break the bolts and locks of her dark and painful soul, and with the illumination of Your radiance, comfort her heart, so that her sorrows and constant waves of temptations diminish. Hey, my sweet Christ, Light,enlightening the womb and heart, soul and body, nerves and bones, mind and mind, and all the composition of our village, hear me praying for my sister, grieving and exhausted. "
This and much more, my love for you is true signs, I proclaim to my Master. Because I do not forget, remembering you, about your many and countless torments since childhood. And because of them, I love you even more. And of all my beloved, I give you the most love, for my first-borns of love are your essence.
One thing I ask you to do for me, in return for my love for you, is to add a little patience. And I believe Jesus, who loved us, that He will fulfill all your requests with an increase. And you will find peace of mind, and peace, and everything that is for the benefit of our poor soul, the Lord will give you. You only ask with tears that, as the Lord knows, His holy will, and not yours, be accomplished.
Knowing once that I had sinned the Lord? Add no more ulcers to the wound. And if, as a person, you fall again, do not be discouraged, do not despair in yourself. For how will the humane Lord not forgive us when he told Peter to forgive the guilty one seventy times, seven times a day?
Let your husband do as he wants. Say that you gave it for alms, and that what you had to give to another, do not give it there. Do not do another good deed to another, that is enough. Leave your own will to find peace of mind. For the will of man has become a copper wall that hinders him
enlightenment from God and the world.
Look at the example of sweet Jesus Who became obedient to His Beginning Father until the death of the cross. He gave up his body to scourging, his cheeks to humiliation, and he did not turn his face away from spitting. You see, my sister, what love the blessed Lord has shown us! So, let us also forsake our own will, let us also forsake those who are guilty before us. And then with boldness we will say: "And leave usour debts, as well as we leave our debtors. "
For we are all people, born of dust, and we all sin. We are clay, and we have no reference. Clay steals from clay. Clay insults clay. Clay slanders clay. Clay rises above clay. Clay enriches clay. Clay rules over clay. Clay beats clay. Clay imprisons clay. And in general, clay before clay imagines itself wiser, stronger, richer, nobler, more honest, enriching itself with madness and ignorance of its own nature: where and where did it come from, how was he born, what is his purpose, where it ends, what after that.
So, all this swallowed up oblivion and ignorance, and a chaos of insensibility arose, therefore, those who did not repent, we grieve here and in another life. And therefore, the one who sees better and who is a little more enlightened should forgive and sympathize with his unanimous and one-sided neighbor.
Ah, my child! A person is never completely bad. He has both good and bad. So, remembering his good, you wish him well, empathize, your soul hurts and you ask God for him. And it is not he who is to blame for the bad, but our enemy the devil. From the book of Elder Joseph of Athos "Presentation of the Monastic Experience", Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1998.
- Is it possible to understand "complete freedom" in marriage as an opportunity for spouses to have separate extrafamilial interests, their own companies? How to generally relate to friends of a husband or wife who have survived from the times bachelor life and didn't become family friends?
- In family life, it does not mean that spouses should look at each other, they should look together in the same direction. The essence of family life is this. Common interests, common grace - that is what unites. Therefore, one must learn to sacrifice something for the sake of love, for the sake of the family. If you cannot give up a little for the sake of your spouse, for the sake of children, then this is very alarming. When a person does not want to change anything in his life and gives full freedom to himself and to others, this is not a way to strengthen the family. These are games of it.
Sacrifice does not mean that a person has no freedom in the family. Obedience is precisely what ensures the preservation of freedom.
- When it seems to a wife that her husband does not love her, that he is not attentive to her, how to make the husband more attentive?
- Love is sacrifice for the family. You can even say something about love not to say, but to live in such a way that it is obvious to everyone how spouses love and care about each other. And when they demand verbal confirmation, this is already a game, an element of envy, which is not like our people. But with us, in fact, everything is different.
Of course, I want attention. The wife is pleased when the flowers are brought, but it is also pleasant for the husband when the table is set. You need to please each other with little things. But we are weaning to do it. We have hardened already, getting our daily bread, and we do not think that it is not what you put on, that you put on, shod everyone's shoes ... The family is made happy by these little things. Not everyone knows how to arrange such small holidays for each other. Here it is necessary to reconcile, realizing that "I have it like that" or "I have it like that." Others have attentive spouses, but ours have other advantages. You should always see dignity in each other. And everyone has shortcomings.
There is a home war for sins.
Where is the source of sin, from there is the scourge of punishment. David brought his strange lamb into his house, killing her shepherd, and a lamb from his own house began to gore his shepherd; he brought war to someone else's house, and from his own house a war arose against him. His son rebelled against David for the slaying of Uriah and the adoption of his wife.
And now many are waging war in their homes: one meets a war from his wife, another is besieged by a son, another suffers trouble from a brother, another from a servant - and each one suffers, vexes, fights, causes war and is amazed by the war; but no one thinks, reasoning within himself, that if he had not sowed sins, his thorns and thistles would not have grown in his house - if he had not planted sinful sparks, his house would not have been set on fire. And that disasters are the fruits of sins and that God appoints his household as the executors of punishment for the sinner, this is evidenced by the Divine Scripture, which is no more reliable. Your wife is at war with you; when you enter, does she meet you like a wild beast, and she sharpens her tongue like a sword? It is regrettable that the assistant has become an adversary; But investigate yourself, whether you were plotting something against some woman in your youth, and now the woman's insult is avenged by the woman, and your own wife heals someone else's wound. Although the acting does not know this, the physician knows - God. And that an evil wife is a scourge for sin, the Divine Scripture testifies to this; it says that a wicked wife is given to a wicked husband (Sire. 26: 3, 9). And that attacks from children are also punishments for sins, to this is the witness of David, persecuted by his son Absalom for a lawless relationship. And that brothers are at enmity against brothers also for sins, the Book of Judges testifies to this. When brothers attack you, do not so much complain about them as look at yourself and carefully Investigate for what sins the brothers have become your enemies.
But what am I talking about domestic calamities, if our very body, which is closest and dearest to us, sometimes enmity against us when we sin, avenging us with fever and other illnesses and sufferings, if the servile body punishes the ruling soul when it sins, not because it wills it, but because it is commanded to do so. About itChrist bears witness, Who said to the healed and paralytic: "Behold, thou art healthy: to whom do not sin, that it will not be bitter" (John 5:14). So, having learned, brethren, that wars from home, relatives and slaves, and bodily diseases are for the most part for sins, we will destroy the source of evil - sin.
"Like the saints of our Father John, Archbishop Constantine City, Zlatoust's chosen creations. Collection of teachings in two volumes", Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1993.
- What if the husband is cruel?
- In one of the Orthodox books I read a story that the husband often came home drunk and beat his wife. He beat, beat ... And my wife kept resigning herself. He ended up beating her so badly that she died. And when they brought her to the cemetery, buried her in a grave, he, standing in front of the cross, realized what he had done. I cried and did not leave this grave for several years. Then he completely changed his life. It turns out that his wife saved him with her humility. With her humility, she took him out of the depths of sin and received the martyr's crown herself. This, of course, is a very lofty feat.
It must be understood that, nevertheless, the fire should be extinguished not with gasoline or kerosene. Don't be annoying. Otherwise, it turns out that the husband will flare up, and the wife adds even more fuel to the fire. You need to force yourself to endure, to accept, because evil has one feature: it requires nourishment. A person, when annoyed, wants to piss others off, to infect others with his anger. If a bully hits a person, he waits for him to be hit back. And he starts to fight with good reason. If he said a swear word, he expects the same in response. And if he doesn't, he doesn't know what to do next. You need to learn how to extinguish this fire. And extinguishes humility, patience. Then, when everything calms down, you can say, but not in irritation. And pray for the softening of evil hearts before "Seven-shot" the icon of the Mother of God, saints who are the patrons of family life; if the husband suffers from the vice of drunkenness - to the martyr Boniface, the Mother of God in front of Her icon "The Inexhaustible Chalice".
And, of course, you need to be reasonable when you get married. A person for no reason does not become an alcoholic, does not become cruel. If you see such manifestations and still walk down the aisle, you must understand what kind of cross you are taking on. And if you do take it, then bear it, bear it, humble yourself. You made your choice.
- How to bring an unbelieving spouse into the Church, how to plant the seeds of faith in his heart? And what if he is against his wife praying, going to church, observing the fast?
- When, in the process of family life, one of the spouses becomes a believer, he often changes his life too abruptly and begins to pester everyone in the house, forgetting that he himself went to this life for many years. Therefore, you need to give your loved ones some time to go this way. We must not force, teach, we must live this pure life ourselves, so that those close to us can be convinced: with faith I become better - kinder, more patient, more industrious. It is impossible to make you believe and love. And seeing our life, our loved ones will want to imitate us. This is the only way a family can convert to faith. And, of course, we need to pray that the Lord will lead our loved ones to faith. Everything should be done with love, with respect, with respect for the freedom of everyone in the family.
- What if one of the spouses is wrong and does not intend to admit it, but insists that it be the way he wants?
- The wise give in. You can give in for a while to extinguish the conflict. As they say, the morning is wiser than the evening. Evil disintegrates from time to time, but good endures, because it is based on eternity.
- They are often afraid that another will mistake compliance for weakness.
- You must give in nobly. When an adult gives in to a child, this is not perceived as weakness. You have to understand that you can yield not out of weakness, but out of wisdom.
- How to deal with your spouse's annoying flaws?
- You need to get along with yourself, fight your shortcomings. Since someone's shortcomings annoy me, then I need to be treated. Irritability, incontinence is my sin. I must repent of this, call on the sacraments of the church for help. If you carefully monitor your inner state, then you will find the same shortcomings that irritate others so much in yourself.
- Can you summarize what causes all the problems in the family?
- For lack of humility, all problems. We all do not want to humble ourselves: husbands - before God, wives - before husbands, children - before parents. As soon as everyone takes their place, all problems in the family will begin to disappear.
The desire to compare one's own family life with the lives of other families when envy arises. On the one hand, we understand that God gave us individuality, uniqueness, that we are not alike and our families are not alike, but for some reason we want to live like everyone else. And to live like everyone else is impossible, because we are all different. God gave someone more prosperity, someone less, and you need to come to terms with these circumstances, learn to rejoice in the fact thatthere is. If a person thanks and rejoices at what he has, he is always rich. I have seen people who have enormous material wealth, with the psychology of beggars. They cry all the time, they miss all the time. And there are those who can give the last, like the gospel widow who put in two mites, and at the same time live with dignity. Thanks for everything is the path to wealth, because wealth is the ability to agree with the circumstances of your life and the ability to live within your means. We sometimes envy and do not even suspect that as soon as a family becomes prosperous, it most often falls apart. We lived in poverty - in peace, in love, suddenly everything changed, the husband is already ashamed of his wife, changes her, changes the family. There are few people who can adequately pass the test of power and money.
Therefore, the Lord gives to those who can. And when people themselves try to take what they want, it often turns out to be harmful to them.
When I was sick, I was upset with the children that they did not help me. I come to my father and ask: what to do?
When you get tired, cross yourself and say: "I do for Christ's sake," and Christ will help you.
So I began to do it. My grievances disappeared, and there was no fatigue. As soon as I feel that I am annoyed, I ask before father's card:
Father, help me, I'm annoyed again. I come to him, he speaks:
Here you are all writing to me: "I am annoyed, help" (and I did not write). - In my father's hand is the icon of the Mother of God "Burning Bush", he gives it to me and says: "She helps not only from the fire of the house, but also from the fire of the soul. Pray to Her."
I started to pray Mother of God in front of this icon. It became easy for me, I stopped being annoyed.
My daughter and I had a fight. And at this time, my father had one of our children. Sending her home, he gave us the perfume "Rose" and speaks:
There N. and G. have a flash. Wow what! - And showed how with his hands. - Let them smell this perfume, and tell G. not to do that again.
After the second outbreak, my father sends us rose oil. I seriously drew attention to my irascibility and began to restrain myself, did not even show my daughter an angry look, remembering Father's words: "Humble yourself before the children, because you dominate them."
My father told me to read the Akathist to the Mother of God, but he didn’t say which one. By lot, I began to read the Akathist of the Akhtyrka Mother of God, whose icon I received from him as the first blessing.
And my daughter began to change. After a while, she confessed to me:
If you, Mom, were rude to me, you would lose me forever.
Seeing how they suffer from the sin of irritability, anger, my father said: “Some people have such anger, such irritability, like waves hitting, rising, making noise at the sea. But if we are scolded, it’s not so scary, if only we didn’t do that, do not get angry yourself. Imagine how hard it is for an angry person, because he has hell in his soul.
My husband and I lived together, but there was no peace and quiet in the house. I did not concede to my husband, and he, in turn, proved his innocence, and so it went on for a long time.
Finally I got tired of all this, and I decided to behave differently. My husband will say an insulting word to me, I feel that I am beginning to get annoyed, - I take the Psalter and start reading. The husband will make a little noise, then he will shut up. And so little by little, silence and tranquility settled in our house.
I came to the church, my father was walking by, stopped beside me and said: "How long ago it would be like that!"
Father Savva advised: "If you have dislike for someone, try to break, overcome yourself. Pray like this:" Save, Lord, Thy servant (name), and with his holy prayers have mercy on me, a sinner, and calm my heart. " to show the unloved person signs of attention, try to serve him. And the Lord, seeing your good intention, will tear out hostility from the heart and fill it with holy love. The prayers and deeds of a person are in vain if he harbors anger in his heart against his neighbor. The Lord does not forgive such sins on confession ". And he also said: “When you feel that anger has taken possession of you, say to yourself:“ Lord, have mercy, ”- and then inhale five times:“ Lord, ”- exhale:“ have mercy. ”And the anger will pass, peace and silence will come ...
From the book "Biography of the elder schema-abbot Savva. With love in the Lord, your D.O.S.", M., 1998.
- If family relationships were built incorrectly for a long time, but one of the spouses or both received their sight, saw that everyone in the family turned upside down, how to change the habitual, already established way of life? Where to begin?
- You need to pray. And the Lord will give orders. When you begin to humble yourself before the providential will of God, Who sometimes admits trials in order to save a person's soul, this is the beginning of salvation.
Post is hard for modern man living not in a monastic hostel, but in the middle of the world. People around the post sometimes seem to be a strange anachronism, and sometimes - simply obscurantism. How to avoid the "pitfalls" of the post.
Of course, fasting in the middle of the world is more difficult than fasting in a monastic monastery. Sometimes in the family, someone came to God, and someone church life and does not understand or accept its rules, and there is no lean cuisine as such. It is also difficult when a person spends most of the day at work, where there is no opportunity to purchase high-quality lean food. But difficult does not mean impossible. Experience irrefutably testifies: when a Christian decides to fast, he succeeds, all obstacles are overcome.
There is another very essential aspect of fasting for a person living in the middle of the world. In this world, unchurched, not knowing God, in its events and deeds we very often “dissolve”, “get lost”, it makes us forget who we are. And in this sense, fasting is a very effective means to remember that you are a believer, an Orthodox person. And at the same time, this is a sermon without words, because people, seeing someone who gives up something for the sake of God, inevitably begin to treat his faith with respect. Often this becomes a reason for them to think, and then ask about something important to themselves.
But still. Every year, the average city dweller inevitably faces two practical questions:
- How to attend services if work time does not decrease during the fast?
- How to fast if, after spending the whole day at work, you eat what the public catering offers?
Fasting for a working person is a special time, just like for anyone else. There are no unemployed people - some work in the public service, some in private companies, some at home. And everyone has their own measure of fasting. As the ancient fathers abstained in the Egyptian deserts, it is probably impossible to fast now. No one is fasting, eating three beans a day, just as, according to the life of the Monk Mary of Egypt, the Monk Zosima ate during Great Lent. But in no case should one alienate oneself from the body of the entire Church during this period.
In general, the Charter, speaking of fasting, does not distinguish whether a person is working or not. therefore such issues are usually resolved with a confessor, a priest who knows his spiritual child well and can advise something individually. A lot of people work and fast: they don't eat fish, meat, or milk. But there are those who find it difficult to comply, especially for those suffering from stomach diseases or other ailments. Then you need to take the blessing of the confessor to ease the fast.
Everyone should refrain to the extent that not only dragging his feet, but also doing something. One confessor said that if a person dies from fasting, then it is a sin of suicide.
If the problem of a working person is that there is nowhere to find at work lean food, then you can cook something at home and take it with you. If there is no such possibility, it means that from what is offered in public catering points, choose the least modest one.
Fasting should be done in such a way that fasting does not affect performance.. General principle, which can be read from many holy fathers: fasting and any other bodily feats should leave room for prayer and handicraft. In this case, such handicraft is work.
In the old days, they fasted strictly, we find many examples of this. But then there was a different ecology and different food. there is a known case when a foreigner was advised to come to Russia during Great Lent, when the table is the most exquisite. After all, lean food can be tasty and nutritious and healthy.
And we are very different from our ancestors in physical and spiritual health, we have a different ecology, pace of life, overload. We are different. Therefore, one cannot literally adopt those traditions that were natural even not so long ago, even at the beginning of the twentieth century. There was a migration from the countryside to the cities, our peasantry was destroyed, in our modern language there is no word to describe the farmer. Life has changed dramatically. That is why now the question of the forms of physical fasting is becoming so acute: before, people had a greater margin of safety. People ate differently: milk was not from a bag, but from under a cow, bread from the oven, spring water, clean air.
In general, the tradition of easing fasting is ancient. Even in the Solovetsky Monastery, where in general they adhere to very strict rules, workers (young children who worked at the monastery, but were not yet monks) were allowed to eat fish during the fast. Because they were doing hard work and they were given such a blessing.
They give relief to both pregnant and infirm from the disease. But at least to some extent, even the most feeble and extremely busy person in labor must fast. After all, fasting consists not only in gastronomic restrictions, but also in certain behavior, refusal of entertainment.
As for visiting cafes and restaurants, there should be understanding in everything. If a person went there just to eat, then there is nothing reprehensible in this. Yes, and two Orthodox friends, who have not seen each other for a long time, may well go to such an institution and drink 1-2 glasses of wine permitted by the Charter (or, adjusted for the northern climate, 1-2 glasses of beer). And if your birthday falls on Christmas fast, it is difficult to cook at home, but the funds allow it - it would not be a sin to invite guests to the restaurant. However, drunkenness (this, however, is unacceptable outside the post), as well as gourmand for the sake of gourmet in the post should be excluded (this also applies to domestic pastime).
Therefore, we can single out for myself: yes, I cannot do this post without sunflower oil, but I can do without unnecessary chatter at work, without TV, without condemnation or participation in some other unworthy events. I will disconnect myself from the entertainment part of the Internet. Maybe I will give myself a task to read some certain books ... (For corporate events and New Year's parties, read here - at the bottom of the page)
Fasting is important not only in gastronomy. The inner state is also important. It often happens that in the first post you allow yourself some indulgence. But over time, this need disappears by itself and you do not even notice that it is already easy for you to fast, and the fast itself opens up for you with amazing fullness and meaning.
As for visiting divine services, I recall the Soviet era, when it was really difficult to combine work and church services for the reasons that the employer (that is, the state) “drove” and followed the believers in every possible way in order to somehow infringe on them in their church life. But believers sometimes even took vacations to attend services.
Fasting without worship can subtly turn into a diet. It turns out that you yourself are robbing yourself. After all, there is no need to run to church every day, although there are sometimes such services (during Great Lent).
Here it all depends on what you are looking for: Are you looking for a means of attending worship services or a reason not to attend? Everyone will determine for himself. Almost everyone can come to church for Sunday Divine Liturgy.
But even if, for some reason, having a desire to visit the temple, you do not get into it - now there is a lot of literature with which you can make up for the omission of the service. This is also very important: you thoughtfully, without haste, stand up for prayer yourself, infringe on yourself somewhere - and read it.
Worship is the most important means of communion with God, but it is not the only one. With a very busy schedule (if suddenly you can't even come to church on Sunday), you can read prayers at home (or at the same job). Again, what prayers and how to read them, you first need to consult a confessor (priest) and ask for his blessing.
So what is needed first seek means of communication with God soberly... Let it be a divine service or fasting, and in everything one must observe one's own measure. So that we cultivate abstinence in ourselves, giving up little, and the Lord could entrust us with more.
We know in advance that, for example, during the first week of Lent, the canon of St. Andrew of Crete will be read. Therefore, Orthodox people with their superiors try to come to an agreement in advance, offer working off on other days, or simply ask for time off. Everyone is trying to do everything to be released, because this Canon gives amazing help and is very beautiful in itself. In general, everything here is also very individual. And someone may not have such an opportunity.
In extreme cases, if both at home and at work the circumstances for prayer are difficult - the same canon of Andrew of Crete (it can be easily found on the internet) you can read on the road, sitting in a subway or electric train... It will still be better than nothing - of course, if we do not have to stand, push, jump from bus to bus, and we can concentrate in transport, immerse ourselves in ourselves.
And in order to focus on prayer, you need to constantly force yourself to pay attention.: scattered - gathered again. Believe me, everyone, even "experienced" Christians, both priests and "most prayer-books", always have to force themselves to prayer. If I relaxed a little, then that's it: off we go.
Yes, and there is a wonderful advice from Vladyka Hilarion (Alfeev) - there is not enough time for thoughtful prayer, fill it with an empty time of the day... You dial someone's phone number and while you listen to the beeps in the receiver to yourself, "Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." There is a long queue at the subway crossing, people are walking, swaying from side to side: "Lord, have mercy!" Sit in line waiting for the boss: "Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me!"
In general, it would be good, before starting to pray, to practice what is called “thought of God”: reflections on the themes of eternity, our sinfulness before God, death, the subsequent Judgment, God's economy, the creation of the world, the atoning sacrifice of the Savior help well; reading of the Scriptures and the Holy Fathers helps. Many busy people cannot afford such reading, but found a way out: before bedtime, half an hour of reading the works of the Holy Fathers... This kind of meditation will make your prayer more attentive. In general, spiritual life is somehow strengthened. And without these readings, everything is easy to lose. Try it - and your life will become much more interesting and brighter. And whoever has not read The Unholy Saints yet - we highly recommend it! even if not the creation of the Holy Fathers, but nevertheless, it adjusts in a certain way.
But all the same, scattering, especially from fatigue, is inevitable - there is no such person who would not experience this state. It must be taken for granted, not discouraged, not giving up, not falling into despair from the inability to ideally tune in to fasting and prayer. You need to understand that scattering - general state our fallen nature, our mind corrupted by sin. You just need to constantly return, immerse your mind in the words of prayer, in the memory of God.
May God give us all to always try to maintain fasting and that the Lord would strengthen us, give strength and shape our circumstances to our service pleasing to Him.
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