The relationship between wife and husband during pregnancy. Why during pregnancy you need to improve relations with your husband. When two people look one way
Unfortunately, not all couples, having learned that they will have a baby, begin to jump with delight. Many couples are not ready for this, and are more likely to be frightened and upset than happy. But even those couples who dreamed of a child and with sincere joy learned about his upcoming appearance are not immune from the problems that a long period of pregnancy brings with it.
Pregnancy is not the easiest period in the life of a woman and the whole family, therefore, it is often at this time that new problems arise in relationships. To get out of this test with dignity, you need to "know the enemy by sight", learn about all possible troubles and prepare for them in advance.
Common relationship problems during pregnancy
There is a list of problems that most married couples face during pregnancy. It is advisable to get acquainted with it even before the start of serious conflicts.
Misunderstanding. Almost all pregnancy in a woman's body undergoes very complex hormonal changes. This affects the woman's mood and well-being. It is very difficult for a man to understand what happened to his adequate and calm wife, and a woman is often unable to calmly and reasonably explain what happened, due to the same hormonal surges. A man can try not to annoy a woman, so as not to make her nervous, and she can regard this as an ignorance and be offended. This often leads to estrangement and further alienation of the spouses.
Lack of physical intimacy. Many spouses deny themselves intimacy even without medical indications, believing that this can harm the baby. In fact, the latest research proves that there are very few true medical contraindications to intimacy during pregnancy, and the changing hormonal background can give a woman a lot of new sensations. Therefore, you should not deny yourself anything, well, except for outright extreme.
A lack of money... A banal, in general, a problem that can easily destroy a family. Pregnancy is always a new expense, and a woman's ability to make money drops dramatically. Analysis of how much money will be needed to buy children's things, repair a nursery, etc. can easily ruin anyone's mood.
Lack of attention... Some women, especially young women, believe that carrying a child automatically makes them the center of the universe and now all the conversations and washing of the husband should revolve around this. Of course, he is obliged to attend antenatal clinic, ultrasound, courses for dads and "pregnant fitness". Unfortunately, most men cannot afford this, which gives another reason for the husband's insults and reproaches for inattention to the future baby and his mother.
Ways to solve relationship problems during pregnancy
The main thing that needs to be understood is that in most cases in such a situation there are no right and wrong, and it is necessary to solve problems with the joint efforts of both parties. Spouses need to understand that they are far from the first and not the last who faced this problem, and in order to save the family, they need to meet each other halfway. It is very important to voice your wishes calmly, without reproaches and without offense, but not expect the other half to fulfill them unquestioningly.
If a woman wants her husband to accompany her on trips to the LCD or to consultations, then if possible, this should be done. If a woman cannot attend some events due to poor health, then it is better not to go there together and spend time together. But a woman also needs to remember that not all of her desires are feasible, and the demand for the impossible leads to non-fulfillment of requests.
As for maintaining physical intimacy, the couple needs to make sure that there are no contraindications to refuse it. The main contraindications are the presence of a threat of miscarriage, bleeding, placenta previa and the presence of a sexually transmitted disease in one of the partners. If all this is not observed, then it is necessary to choose comfortable postures, taking into account the changing well-being of the woman and the new figure, and not deny yourself anything.
It is very important to solve any problems immediately, without letting them accumulate.... Remember, a woman's unwell, depression is transmitted to the baby, so if problems arise, do not postpone the decision.
Tips for a Woman to Maintain a Relationship During Pregnancy
Many women during pregnancy, especially the long-awaited and the first one, become so isolated on themselves and their feelings that they completely forget about their husband. Of course, the husband should help, understand, support, but there are reasonable limits to everything. Today his task is to earn money for the future baby, so we need to give him the opportunity to do this. You shouldn't demand from a tired husband who has returned from work "pickled cucumbers in chocolate" or "something like that, I don't know what, go to the store, I'll figure it out - I'll call you back."
It is very important to understand that the period of pregnancy is very difficult for many men, they may not show it, but in fact they are worried and do not fully understand how and what should happen. They need to be told, explained and prepared for the coming changes. In addition, it is important to let the man understand that having a child will not negatively affect your relationship, on the contrary, as the father of the child, he is now more loved and desired. It is imperative to try to cook him food, accompany him to work in the morning, even if his state of health is "not very", remind him that you love him and will soon love him even more.
And one more thing that pregnant women should not forget about is their own appearance.... Often women during pregnancy because of poor health or the feeling that "anyway" just start themselves. Of course, pregnancy is not the time for heels and elegant dresses, but you shouldn't forget about yourself either. It is very important for a man to know that a woman wants to please him and makes an effort for this. Yes, and it is more pleasant for myself to look in the mirror at a pretty and well-groomed reflection.
Tips for Men to Maintain Relationships During Pregnancy
Stubborn but true statistics remind us that many men begin to cheat on their wives during pregnancy. It is impossible to blame exclusively women who do not look like this or behave in a wrong way, men also need to make an effort to maintain good relationships during pregnancy.
It is important for men to understand that often the mood and desires of women during this period do not depend on themselves. Irritability, tearfulness, and mood swings can be caused by hormonal changes, not by her bad temper or your bad behavior. A few minutes after screaming and crying, a woman herself may be surprised at her behavior, so do not try to shout down her, it’s better just wait, have pity, say something good, remind how you love her. Believe me, this is temporary, you have to be patient and wait. and all sorts of goodies, help around the house, you can make tea or a sandwich in the morning. It is not difficult, but it will help the wife feel still loved.
And also, do not forget to remind your wife that she, as always, is beautiful and loved. Of course, we all understand how pregnancy affects a woman's appearance, but hearing that everything is fine is very pleasant. Walk with your wife by the arms, go to a cafe on weekends, do everything so that she still feels like a beloved woman, and not an incubator for a child.
Lifestyle Changes to Maintain Relationships (Video)
Very often, relationships during pregnancy collapse due to the fact that a woman needs to change her lifestyle, but a man cannot or does not want to do this, and they just end up in different places and in different situations. For example, a couple used to go to discos or noisy parties together, and now the wife is sick, sleepy, etc., and the husband cannot give up the old habit. This is a direct path to quarrels and parting. It is better for both to try to change their lifestyle so that there are more opportunities to spend time together without harm to the family of the unborn baby.
First of all, it is necessary to refuse to place too crowded events, for example, mass performances. Firstly, it is easy to pick up an infectious disease there, and secondly, there is a high probability that someone will push or press down. Better to walk in parks or squares, in silence and in the fresh air. Pregnant women need to sleep well and normally. This is a great reason for the whole family to switch to a balanced diet and start going to bed on time. An early light dinner and evening walk will help you fall asleep and improve your relationships.
"Pregnancy is a great time!" This is the phrase we hear most often when it comes to pregnancy. But why then such situations arise that even a long-awaited and desired pregnancy is not a joy, or the pregnancy itself is proceeding well, but the woman turns out to be completely unprepared for childbirth.
In the process of conception, during pregnancy and childbirth, a woman experiences strong emotions, both positive and negative. Pregnancy is very stressful, both physically and emotionally. And very often, even a long-awaited pregnancy leads to various stresses and depressions.
During pregnancy, a woman's attitude towards herself, towards others, towards her spouse changes, and the attitude of those around her towards the woman herself changes in the same way. There are also changes in family life.
In my preparation for childbirth classes, I constantly come across many stories about what changes occur in the relationship of spouses during pregnancy. And this is all, of course, understandable. And as without changes, after all, the period begins when you are no longer two, when the roles change - now you are not only husband and wife, but also mom, dad, when new responsibilities appear, there are some restrictions and at the same time, advantages. One way or another, pregnancy makes its own changes in the relationship of the spouses.
The emotional state of the expectant mother is directly related to the emotional state of the baby. A close connection is formed - mother-placenta-fetus. When pregnancy occurs, a maternal dominant is formed. This is a state when a woman is focused on the successful fulfillment of her destiny - motherhood. Maternal dominant includes: gestational, birth and lactation.
The gestational dominant is aimed at preserving pregnancy. When a woman finds out about a long-awaited pregnancy, she does everything to ensure that the pregnancy goes smoothly. But various negative moments in a woman's life (family quarrels, problems at work, etc.) cause stress and anxiety, and this can disrupt the normal course of pregnancy.
The generic dominant is formed in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy and is aimed at preparing the body for childbirth. This period is characterized by the appearance of various fears (for the child, fear of childbirth, uncertainty, pain, etc.). This period is also called the "nesting period". It is very important that during this period the woman is focused exclusively on preparing for childbirth. But, in the modern world, it often happens that in the last months of pregnancy a woman decides various working moments, everyday and sometimes a woman forgets about the most important thing and a "violation" of the generic dominant occurs. And this undoubtedly affects later on the generic process.
The lactation dominant is responsible for the breastfeeding process, but most importantly, it is responsible for establishing a close bond between mother and baby. During this period, the emotional connection between mother and baby is very important. Mom learns to adequately respond to the child's needs and satisfy them.
Next time, I will share with you 5 types of a woman's attitude towards pregnancy.
Even the desired pregnancy is always stressful for the spouses (albeit with a plus sign), because it leads to dramatic changes in the life of the family. These changes begin with a woman, because from the first weeks of pregnancy she begins to feel herself in a new way. Innovations are manifested both on a physical level and on an emotional level: some feel sick during pregnancy, others constantly want to sleep, and others note a strong appetite. Women become very impressionable, vulnerable, suspicious.
Men see only external changes: the body has become rounded, the belly has appeared. What happens in this case in the body and in the soul of the expectant mother - they can only guess. Sometimes husbands are simply lost and do not know how to find an approach to a pregnant wife. So that in such an important period, the relationship between husband and wife does not deteriorate, some advice on communicating with his wife will help men.
Try to understand and understand what is happening with your spouse
It is best to start with theory: read encyclopedias and magazines about pregnancy with your wife to understand what processes are taking place in the spouse's body. Since a man cannot bear and give birth to a child himself, having experienced the whole gamut of sensations, it is important for him to be at least theoretically savvy in these matters. This will help to maintain conversations with your spouse (and they are almost all about one thing in pregnancy), to understand what she is talking about after the next visit to the doctor. Such participation is very much appreciated by expectant mothers, and pregnancy seems to become common.
Help your wife around the house
Pregnancy is a big burden on the body, however, the responsibilities of the expectant mother, either at work or at home, are not diminishing. Even if the spouse does not complain about feeling unwell, do not doubt that very often it will be more useful and more pleasant for her to lie down and relax than to wash the dishes or do the cleaning, especially at the end of the term, when some household chores are simply physically difficult to do. Take on some of the household chores on yourself, without waiting for requests or reproaches: you can go to the store for groceries, vacuum, take out the trash.
Be patient with your wife's wishes and requests
The likelihood of a situation from the anecdote when a pregnant wife sent her husband on a winter night for strawberries is very low in real life. But every expectant mother has other requests and whims of varying degrees of absurdity. It's all to blame for changes in hormonal levels. Your wife may start to feel sick from your perfume, which she herself gave once. Strange preferences can appear in food: from "classic" pickles to something exotic. At the level of physical sensations, there can also be changes: a woman may begin to be irritated by touching some parts of the body. Be patient and understanding about this: remove what is not pleasant to your wife and try to fulfill her requests.
By the way, requests may concern not only the elimination of annoying odors and the purchase of "snacks". Pregnant women often need physical assistance: massage of the feet and lower back, assistance in putting on shoes (after all, it is very uncomfortable to bend over with a big belly). Such help from the husband is very touching and important: by helping, you make it clear that you understand the position of the wife and accept all the changes that occur to her during this period.
In general, advice for a pregnant woman is just rock that haunts her for all 9 months. Friends who have given birth, work colleagues, neighbors, relatives - all strive to give advice. No matter how you, as a man, delve into the wisdom of pregnancy, you cannot become an expert in this matter (unless you are a female doctor, of course). Is it because you can advise your wife? What have you read on the Internet or heard in your social circle? Believe me, the spouse is already provided with such advice. Instead of advising something, figure out what point of view the wife has on a particular issue (how to get rid of edema, how to give birth, how to feed) and just support her in this opinion.
Protect your wife from negativity
Pregnant women are very sensitive, sentimental and suspicious. Any unpleasant word or even a hint of it can cause tears and strong feelings in the soul. The emotional state of the expectant mother is an important factor in the successful course of pregnancy, therefore it is better to protect the wife from any negativity (programs or news that feature cruelty, murder, etc.). It is especially important not to let information about the problems of pregnancy and childbirth into the wife's mind. Here it is important to find a balance between just background information about some problems and outright "horror stories". You can get background information in a book or an encyclopedia for pregnant women, but it is better to block access to Internet forums where women talk about uncomplicated pregnancies or difficult births in paints.
It is worth protecting from negativity in communication. Some people, even before pregnancy, were unpleasant to their spouse, and with some, the relationship deteriorates already in the process. The state of mind of the expectant mother is much more important than the politeness on duty, so it is better to avoid meeting unpleasant faces, even if it is one of the relatives. For them, you can always come up with a legend about the poor health of the spouse.
Do not let conjugal love fade away
While waiting for the baby, the accents in the life of the family are greatly shifted. Husband and wife are preparing to become parents, and their marital feelings often fade into the background. This must be remembered for those who, through pregnancy and childbirth, seek to strengthen the family: the effect may be the opposite. In order for conjugal love not to fade away, it is necessary to maintain it, and during pregnancy this is the task of the husband. The fact is that a pregnant wife turns on a natural program and she thinks, first of all, about the offspring. Do not forget to pay attention to your wife exactly as a woman, and not just as the expectant mother of your child. Compliment, don't forget about romance with flowers and candles. This is a huge contribution to your relationship, because pregnancy is only the beginning of a new stage in family life, and it is impossible to raise a child together without a deep feeling of love for each other.
Of course, not every man is familiar with serious changes in pregnancy. Some women, even in position, remain by themselves, without whims, new preferences and strong emotions. However, the reverent and caring attitude to the wife on the part of the husband will definitely not hurt in any case. Well, if the wife was changed as a substitute - these tips will help to fix the relationship and survive the pregnancy without quarrels and misunderstandings.
And finally, a little humor 🙂
In some families, the expectation of a child becomes a real disaster - mutual understanding disappears, the best feelings are replaced by their opposite. In others, it happens that, on the contrary, relations that had previously deteriorated suddenly become better. Of course, the important point will be the desirability of a child for each of the spouses. But it also happens that even a planned pregnancy becomes a difficult test for family relationships. How spouses will withstand it depends largely on the woman's ability to inform her husband about her condition and on the mutual desire and ability of the spouses to express their love. If there is a source of tension in your family, it is better to identify it and improve relations with your spouse now, while waiting for the baby. So that the new family member sees the world full of love, not strife.
Understand what is impossible to experience
Of course, men are not allowed to bear and give birth to children, and they are unable to fully understand the joys and difficulties of this sacrament. But that doesn't mean they can't empathize. It is very important to be able to inform your husband about your condition. Of course, there is no need to constantly whine and complain, especially since a rare pregnancy is actually so difficult. In many ways, a woman's condition depends on her mood. Constant complaints and self-pity does not improve well-being. At the same time, it is not always easy to believe that pregnancy is not a disease, but a special condition. Especially if it starts with early toxicosis. Let a man not know what kind of condition it is, but believe that you feel bad, and he may well sympathize. It is good if you not only complain, but also let you know what actions your spouse can do to alleviate your condition. Knowing that a loved one is bad and not being able to help is very difficult. You can ask your husband to get what you need from the refrigerator if the smells from there irritate you. For the same reason, the spouse is unlikely to refuse to take out the trash or not use perfume that has become unpleasant to you. Let him hang or remove the laundry if you find it difficult to raise your arms high. But you should not try to shift all household chores onto your husband under the pretext of your well-being. Housework is the minimum physical activity that a pregnant woman even needs. And the spouse will hardly be pleased to realize that they are trying to manipulate him. Be sure to ask for help where your husband can provide it and where you really need it, but do not abuse your position.
It so happens that the husband flatly refuses to help his wife with the housework. This is especially difficult for a woman who sees the help of her spouse as a manifestation of love. It is not at all necessary that a man's refusal to do household chores means his indifference to his half. Perhaps in his family there was a clear division of work into "female" and "male", and he grew up with the idea that there are things that he is not supposed to do. In this case, you should turn to the spouse's sense of justice. Once upon a time, wives mostly did not work and were engaged only in home and children, while husbands fed the family. Times have changed since then, and the once typically male role of breadwinner in most families is divided between both spouses. Isn't it fair to share women's responsibilities so that the burden on husband and wife is the same? An important argument can also be the message that when your spouse helps you, you feel loved. Sometimes the husband refuses to work on the farm due to the fact that he is the main earner and gets very tired. If you still need help and cannot cope with your homework due to well-being, you should consider a hired assistant.
Perhaps every woman is pleased with her husband's interest in the course of pregnancy. A real miracle happens - a little man grows inside you. It's nice when your husband shares with you the joys and anxieties of waiting for the baby, is interested in your well-being and the opinion of the doctors, And it's a shame to see your spouse's indifference. The reaction of men to the news of impending fatherhood is very different. Someone immediately begins to feel like a father and is happy about it, while someone needs a long time to realize the change and accept it. In this case, the man often looks indifferent, although in fact he is experiencing his own worries.
Sometimes the husband is not only interested in the state of his wife, but also has his own opinion on how she should behave. And this opinion does not always coincide with the views of the wife and even with the recommendations of the doctor. Most often, the spouse listens only to the words of his mother and believes that her experience can be trusted. What if you don't like these recommendations at all? It is hardly worth brushing off and ignoring the words of your husband: after all, this is also a manifestation of his care and concern for you and the child. Resentment and tears are unlikely to help: he would rather write it off on your condition than finally realize what he himself is wrong about. But to discuss everything seriously and come to an agreement in most cases is possible. Often it is enough to remind your spouse that his mother's information is already out of date. Surely she does not know all the nuances and judges only by herself: she recalls what was forbidden and recommended once to her and now gives the same advice to her daughter-in-law. Does she have a medical degree? If not, there is nothing to argue about: your doctor probably knows better what is good for you. If all these arguments do not work for the spouse, if he does not even want to think about the fact that his mother may be wrong, then all that remains is to agree with him and ... do it his own way. Because arguing takes a lot of time and effort, and you now need them much more for more positive activities.
Language of love
Have you ever heard that love in marriage lives the first year, maximum - the first three years, and then it is replaced by a habit, if the family does not break up at all? It really happens quite often. Why is this happening? Where does love go and is it possible to do something so as not to lose it? After all, right now, in anticipation of the baby, I especially want the world into which he comes to be full of love.
For love to live for years, it must be created constantly. If you begin to act the way a person behaves when he loves, then, most likely, the husband will respond with a sincere feeling. How do people behave when they love? They give gifts, look at each other affably, listen to a loved one, touch him, willingly give in in trifles, say pleasant things, strive in every possible way to please a loved one. Even if you do not feel a surge of love at the moment, you can still do all of this. Whatever anxiety pregnancy may bring, you should not forget that a child is the fruit of love, this is what has now forever connected you with this particular man. It often happens that spouses actually have feelings, but they do not find expression. By itself, the ability to express their feelings differs from person to person. It is easy and pleasant for some, while others are much more restrained in their statements and actions. This does not mean that a reserved person does not love - he loves, but does not know how or cannot afford to express it. Often in a marriage, one spouse is hotter and the other is colder. It happens that the first begins to take offense at the second and ceases to show his love himself. Unfortunately, this usually only leads to the fact that the mutual feeling gradually dies out. At the same time, when one of the spouses shows concern, shows that he loves, the second becomes infected and inspired, he has a desire to do the same.
Another common problem is when a husband and wife talk about love in different languages. For example, a wife wants to hear something pleasant, and a husband only knows how to give gifts or express his feelings through touch, hugs, kisses. As a result, a woman often begins to think that her husband does not love her, and he, in turn, does not understand that she does not suit her - after all, he, as it seems to him, makes it clear how he feels about her. During pregnancy, every woman especially needs love and care, and the ability of spouses to understand each other becomes an important condition for maintaining a good climate in the family.
Psychologists identify 5 main love languages.
Spending time together isn't just about talking. Many people feel loved when a loved one is doing the same thing with him. It can be a trip to a concert or a picnic in the forest, even joint cleaning - any business that both or at least one of the spouses likes, and the other does not mind. When you do something together, you have shared memories. This can be a source of joy for your family.
- Words of encouragement. These are compliments, and praise, and expressions of gratitude - everything that you can say to your spouse that is pleasant, that can please him. Words of encouragement should not be flattery, an attempt to achieve something. What has been said sincerely, with the sole purpose of pleasing a loved one and is perceived with gratitude, causes a desire to repay in kind. The intonation with which you speak is also important. After all, she is able to change, distort the meaning of words.
- Time spent together. Conversations and any joint activities are the love language of many people. The most important thing here is to pay attention to your spouse. After all, being together is not the same as being close. For example, if a husband and wife are watching TV at the same time, they may not even notice each other - all the attention is taken by what is happening on the screen. To be together, you need to turn off the TV and look at each other. But just looking is not enough. You need a general lesson or conversation. When a husband or wife complains that the other half does not talk to him or her, this does not always mean that the person does not open his mouth. Many people know how and love to speak, but few know how to listen. In a conversation, it is important to understand what a person wants, to catch his emotions, a real need.
- Gifts are visible symbols of love. Unfortunately, after marriage, people often forget about it. Spouses often feel that gifts are a waste of money. Thrift is a good quality for a family man, but is love not a worthy investment? Choosing a gift is not always an easy task. I must say that people whose love language is gifts are not too concerned about their price. Their attention is really dear to them. And therefore it is not scary that it is not always possible to buy something expensive. If a person is difficult to please, then most likely it is not his love language.
- Help. As a rule, a woman needs help more often than a man at home. For some wives, the husband's participation in housework is superfluous - they themselves do well. Others also cope, but the help of the husband is accepted as a manifestation of love and care. If your spouse often criticizes you for an insufficiently clean house and an unprepared dinner, then helping is also his love language. He wants you to take care of him. The trouble is, orders kill love, while requests help express it. Don't let yourself be dictated to — it’s not good for a good relationship. And of course, try not to make demands yourself. Even pregnancy does not give this right. But learning to ask is important. A great way to ruin a relationship is to assume that your spouse has to figure out what you want from him and be offended if he doesn't. Firstly, people do not read each other's thoughts, although sometimes they guess. Secondly, few people are pleased to feel that something is being sought from him, blackmailing him with an offense: do it or I will be offended. The husband may refuse to fulfill your desire just because of this.
- Touches. For some people, this is the only way to feel love for themselves. It is important for them to hold hands, it is necessary to be kissed and hugged, otherwise such a person begins to doubt that he is loved. Of course, an important part of touch language is sexual relations. But fleeting touches can also express love: kisses when meeting and saying goodbye, stroking in passing, short hugs. If this love language is not very important to you, if you do not speak it, it is not so easy to learn. But if it is important for a spouse, it is worth mastering the language of touch. After all, it is very important to speak the same language with your loved one.
Have you already defined your love language? Many people understand this as soon as they see the names: words of encouragement, time spent together, gifts, help, touch. People in whose life there is a lot of love, and those who are sorely lacking it, often find it difficult to define their love language. If you can't find the answer right away, try asking yourself the following questions. When do you feel loved? What do you want most from your loved one? What hurts you the most? If you are very upset that your husband does not help around the house, then your love language is help. If any criticism really hurts, you need words of encouragement. Another way to define your love language is to remember what you most often ask your spouse. This is most likely what you most need. And finally, remember how you yourself most often express love, what you do. Most likely, this is what you expect from your spouse.
In the same way, you can understand in what language your spouse expresses his feelings for you. Does he often touch you or give you gifts, speak words of encouragement, or help? What does your husband most often ask you for? Once you understand which love language is most important to your spouse, all you have to do is start speaking it. Husband and wife do not always express their feelings in the same way. A rare person speaks all five languages of love. Sometimes it can be difficult to learn a foreign language. But this is the kind of work that will definitely pay off.
To make the conversation a joy ...
You can master the art of having a conversation. To do this, try to learn the following techniques:
- Make eye contact with the other person. This will help you stay focused and show your spouse that you are really listening.
- Do not be distracted by extraneous matters. If at the moment you are busy with something - say about it: "Now I am busy, please wait for 10 minutes, then I can listen to you." This request cannot offend, if, of course, you fulfill your promise.
- Try to capture the emotions of the interlocutor. It is only possible to understand correctly what a person means by knowing what he is feeling. Do not be afraid to check yourself, ask again: "You look upset, probably you were upset that ...". It will also show your spouse that you are listening carefully.
- Watch your facial expressions and gestures. In what position does the beloved sit, what is his facial expression, does he gesticulate a lot? This says a lot about what actually happens to a person. Indeed, often the words and the non-verbal message of the body contradict each other. In such cases, it is worth paying more attention to the message of the body - facial expressions and gestures. Be sure to check your guesses, ask again how the interlocutor really feels.
- Don't interrupt. Unfortunately, a rare person knows how not to rush to express his own opinion. Still, this is important to learn if you really want to understand your interlocutor.
When two people look one way
When loving people are united by common aspirations, goals, and interests, the family holds on to a solid foundation. Can you say what unites you and your husband? Do you have common interests and goals? Do you share all of your husband's values in life?
Each family develops its own value system. Even within the same culture, the rules by which different families live can be very different. For a child, parental beliefs are a matter of course. Children grow up with the feeling that the views of mom and dad are the only correct ones. When young people create their own family, they bring values from their parents' families and these values do not always coincide. It is important to be able to agree on one belief system. To do this, each of the spouses will have to give up something of their own beliefs and accept something new. It's not always easy. But otherwise the union will not turn out harmonious and strong, and the children will find themselves in a difficult situation: they will have to choose between the views of the father and the mother. The child will not know what his behavior will suit both parents. This will become a source of anxiety for him. To prevent this from happening, and just so that each of the spouses is comfortable in the family, it is worth discussing with your husband what is really important for him in life, what rules he adheres to in his heart, what he would like to see relationships in the family, and try to find a compromise with your beliefs.
If your spouse's behavior is not clear to you, try to talk to him about it and understand why he behaves this way and not otherwise. It is important to communicate what feelings your husband's actions cause in you - this has a much stronger effect than the words: "You are behaving incorrectly, you have to do this and that." Perhaps when your spouse sees the situation through your eyes, he will reconsider his own beliefs.
"Pregnant" sex
Another important reason that can worsen the climate in the family is the sexual relations of the spouses. During pregnancy, a woman's libido often changes: sometimes it increases, and sometimes it disappears altogether. It is bad when the husband remains dissatisfied for several months. This can cause serious problems in the family, because the husband, in turn, will most likely perceive the refusal of his wife as a manifestation of self-hostility, as a lack of love. And unrealized physical attraction can make a man irritable. The wife is unlikely to like it. The spouse's refusal is more easily experienced when a prohibition on sex is recommended by a doctor for medical reasons. A mutual compromise that spouses can try to find in this case will be much more useful to the family than confrontation.
Another common problem occurs when a pregnant woman's libido rises or stays the same and her husband refuses to have sex with her. A spouse's refusal can be resentful. But do not rush to withdraw into yourself. Try to understand what is happening with your husband. Often this behavior is due to the fact that a man is afraid of harming his wife and child in some way. This usually goes away when a woman makes it clear that she wants a husband, that the changes that have taken place have not changed her feelings and sensations. Often a man is reassured by medical literature. So, having learned more about anatomy, the spouse begins to understand that the child is sufficiently well protected and it is simply impossible to damage him, And of course, a man needs guidance: be sure to tell him what his actions bring you discomfort and what are pleasant. "Pregnant" sex is a special relationship. Experiments and variety usually become less, but more tenderness and depth of feelings.
It is not true that all happy families are alike and only unhappy families are different. There are many recipes for happiness, while most often the same problems destroy a relationship. Finding your own path to a successful marriage is not always easy. But it's up to you to make the decision to keep and grow love or to go with the flow.
Firstly, in terms of physiology, the changes that occur in the woman's body are large, and the bodily state is often not comfortable.
Secondly, in hormonal terms - all the first 3 months, hormonal changes in the body take place, making the condition of a pregnant woman unstable.
Thirdly, psychologically, because even women dreaming of motherhood and preparing for pregnancy make difficult discoveries, and the readiness to accept the news of pregnancy and changes that occur in the body (for example, morning sickness) does not appear immediately. This takes time. Therefore, both psychologists and doctors leading pregnancy consider the 1st trimester to be an unstable time. A pregnant woman can be moody, depressed, too anxious. And the task of loved ones, and most importantly, the husband is understanding, sympathy and support for the pregnant woman.
The difficulty is that a woman in the first 3 months of pregnancy cannot clearly formulate her anxieties and needs, or simply explain and express her condition in words. The husband and loved ones should guess everything themselves. There is simply too much new happening with the pregnant woman. A pregnant woman can behave like a child, demand paternal care and support from her husband. And this is natural, since often in marriage there come periods when you need to push each other, to replace parents emotionally. A woman cannot work with full dedication. There is a constant internal distraction, and thoughts begin to flow away. A woman does not feel well, she may develop toxicosis in the 1st half of pregnancy, and if you are sick all the time, how can you react optimistically to events? But, this state is incomprehensible to the future dad.
READ ALSO:
The father-to-be needs to know that the comfort of the state of their half depends on several factors:
- A factor that can permanently spoil the relationship between a man and a woman is the spouse's first (often uncontrollable) reaction to the news of pregnancy. And if your reaction was not 5 - try after it to find the right words that can convince the expectant mother that you are very happy with the future child and want his appearance. Keep in mind that many family problems begin with an implicit joy when a spouse is pregnant. A woman will remember your reaction for a lifetime, so correct the misunderstanding and explain everything without postponing it.
- This will be followed by a period of time during which the future dad must prove that he takes care and responsibility for the unborn child and the family as a whole. Expectant mothers often doubt this and provoke her husband into a conflict over various trifles. But, the purpose of these unconscious provocations is to find out how much the husband loves, what he is ready to endure for this love. Sometimes, of course, a woman overdoes her provocations, and a conflict arises. Advice to her husband: do not take these intrigues seriously, remember that all this is a disguised request for love.
The habit and adaptation to the changed reactions and tastes of the wife is an important and rather energy-intensive task.
There is a concept of “the binary psyche of a pregnant woman”: your wife is now not quite the person you know well. Much has changed in her, and what exactly - in this she has not yet figured out. It is better for you to learn to "read" the desires, moods, whims of your wife before she does it herself.
The main result in a relationship during this period is passing the test on how strong the relationship is and whether a reliable marital team has been formed, capable of taking responsibility for each other and the future baby.
Family relationships in the second trimester of pregnancy
The second trimester of pregnancy is a time of relative stability: major changes in the 1st trimester are coming to an end. The woman has already taken a pregnancy, rebuilt her life plans for the birth of a child. Often in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy, a relationship is registered and marriage unions are legalized, if this has not been done earlier.
A woman, as a wife, is more closely included in her husband's family, they begin to take her more seriously. Once a family has a child, it means everything is serious. Also, the husband is getting closer to his wife's family.
READ ALSO:
Often, intergenerational relationships are not easy, especially if a young family lives with their parents. For a woman, it is very important how the whole large family reacts to the news of the birth of a child. If the reaction was not 5, the husband's task is to support his wife and try to make up for the joy lacking in the reaction of relatives. Psychologists believe that you cannot hide your pregnancy from loved ones for a long time - this can lead to a difficult perception by the grandparents of the child.
By the 2nd trimester of pregnancy, the pleasure of pregnancy appears: the belly becomes rounded, the woman begins to feel the baby's movements, a normal woman becomes a soft and fluffy cat that purrs because there are kittens inside her. The instability of the psyche of the 1st trimester gave way to protection from anxiety and anxiety.
Support of the wife by her husband in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy:
The husband is required to be willing to respond to the changes that have happened to his wife, to listen to a detailed and often repeated story about them. If a pregnant woman feels that they are not ready to listen to her, and what she tells you is not interesting, she is very offended, retains and accumulates resentment, and can also draw a global conclusion about your relationship.
How to develop an adequate attitude towards pregnancy?
The determining factor in the course of pregnancy is the attitude of the expectant mother to her condition.
If the expectant mother feels weak, weak, does not know what she can and cannot, endlessly worries about new bodily sensations, it will be psychologically difficult for her to go through pregnancy.
Pregnancy (especially the first one) is a time when a woman needs support, competent advice, information, medical advice and advice from experienced mothers. Therefore, no later than mid-pregnancy contact the pregnancy center.
Pregnancy is a wonderful time of life, full of new experiences, a time for the disclosure of the emotional world. During this period, the husband must show the ability and desire to participate in the choice of doctors and centers.
Anxiety of the expectant mother about the change in appearance. We accept a new image
The challenge for the 2nd trimester is to embrace the changes that have already happened to you. Your usual clothes become small - you don't need to be upset, you need to take this as a good opportunity to change your wardrobe and try new styles, colors, materials.
READ ALSO:
There is no need to resist these changes. You need to feel the new beauty and style. This will help you perceive yourself as a mom. At this time, the husband should say pleasant words to his wife, which will confirm her uniqueness and new attractiveness.
The internal state of the expectant mother depends on how confident she is in her appearance. Remember, a pregnant woman is beautiful in a new way, illuminated by beauty from the inside.
In the 2nd trimester of pregnancy, a woman is seized by the desire to do everything, she begins to understand that by the end of her pregnancy the usual course of her life will end and a new life will begin, and which one she does not know. And this certain term of childbirth makes every day valuable and the woman wants to have time to do the most.
Often it is during pregnancy that a woman completes her diploma or dissertation, completes repairs, and completes other global projects.
Native people should support the woman in her activity, tell her that she should "take care of herself" only when a large expenditure of energy can harm her health.
Do not lock a woman at home, do not limit the range of her activities and do not limit her social circle. All this will happen by itself, due to internal desire in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy.
Spend more time with each other in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy. For a man, pregnancy will be the heyday of activity and the rise of strength. New opportunities will open up for the future dad, wings will grow behind his back. Embody this energy in activity, but do not forget that the expectant mother will demand, quite legally, more time and attention than before. Of course, you are working for her and the unborn child, but you shouldn't forget about dinner for two, walks in nature, which are very useful for pregnant women, and just sitting at home together in an embrace.
In the 2nd trimester of pregnancy, relationships with older relatives change. Firstly, with my own mother, tk. the expectant mother begins to reach for her mother. Even if in your relationship there is a pronounced opposition to periods of desire to return under the wing of your mother, there are in the first and last months of pregnancy. But, if the future grandmother behaves authoritarian, detached or insensitive, the confrontation will intensify and gain a foothold for a long time.
If a pregnant woman has a grandmother, contact with her can be easier, because a pregnant woman needs experience, and if there is an opportunity to adopt it from older relatives, this is great.
An expectant mother can become close to her mother-in-law, especially if the relationship with the mother is strained. But, you do not need to allow relatives to invade your relationship, because increasing their influence on you can ruin your relationship. Protect family boundaries, cut off anything that might divide you. Currently, many marriages have been destroyed by the mother-in-law and mother-in-law. Remember the line from the Bible: "Let a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife."
Features of family relationships in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy
- Attention is redistributed: often, during the time spent by the spouses together before pregnancy, there may be a distribution of roles in the family: someone is a "child", and someone is a "parent." It should be borne in mind that when the baby is born, the psychological niche “child” will be occupied, and you will have to “move”. In order for the postpartum period to go smoothly, you need to try to change something in your relationship while the baby is still inside. A partner who is accustomed to maximum care and attention must learn to care and support himself. This should be taken as a kind of training.
READ ALSO:
- Immersion of the expectant mother into herself: the pregnant woman listens to herself, her feelings, the baby's movements. Almost all thoughts now are about the baby and his future.
Even women who are powerful, decisive, and active can delegate the solution of many issues to their husbands. She has other concerns now.
- A woman has a desire to "build a nest": the expectant mother may want to sew, create supplies for the winter. If there are opportunities for this, you can listen to your desires. You should feel that during pregnancy and lactation in your home you feel cozy, comfortable and safe. The less things around you annoy you, the more strength you will give to your child and husband. But when equipping the house, try not to command, keep in mind that all these changes affect your husband not as much as you. Therefore, he will not be able to devote a lot of time and effort to home improvement.
Prenatal anxieties of the expectant mother:
The husband needs to take into account that at the end of pregnancy, the expectant mother is different from herself before pregnancy, both internally and externally. It is impossible to compare the internal state of a woman in the last trimester of pregnancy and her usual state.
In the last weeks of pregnancy, anxiety arises and fears intensify even in calm expectant mothers.
And if your husband listens, consoles, supports you, then the chances that the anxieties will quickly pass high.
If a woman goes to a doctor for examination, another place that is associated with increased psychological stress, the husband should remember that a woman in the second half of pregnancy is very suggestible. And at every opportunity, accompany your wife and not leave her in situations that require a quick decision.
We go on maternity leave. The social situation is changing:
Nowadays, pregnant women often work almost before childbirth, transferring most of the maternity leave to the period after childbirth. It's better not to do that. The expectant mother needs a month to settle down at home, get used to the new position, sleep off, tune in to a new program.
All global changes take time. The abrupt transition from the life of a woman who works, has a wide social circle, to the role of a housewife and mother of a small baby, who sits at home almost all the time, can be expressed in pronounced postpartum depression.
Time will pass, and you will tune in to a home lifestyle. New habits will be formed, cozy corners will appear at home, there you will feel comfortable and calm with your husband. Then you can more easily accept the new family member.
Tips for expectant mothers:
You do not need to resist the changes that pregnancy brings you. Feel how pleasant these changes are.
Immersed in pregnancy, remember that there is still a husband, and he needs your attention and warmth.
You need to learn to divide your attention between the unborn child and his father.
Do not be ashamed to show weakness and ask for help.
You need to talk about anxiety and joy, and not outbursts of emotions, but first you need to make sure that your husband is ready to listen to you.
Tips for dads-to-be:
You cannot distance yourself from anything related to pregnancy and childbirth.
It must be remembered that it is important not only to do, decide and pay, but also to listen, comment, respond, i.e. have an ongoing dialogue with your wife.
We must not forget that the changes that occur to the wife are not always monitored, evaluated and controlled by her. If your wife behaves like a child, you need to remain an adult.
Tips for both parents-to-be:
It is necessary that during pregnancy, and after, there should be a distribution of responsibilities in the family. It will be easier for you to share the concerns of the child.
It's good if the family is patriarchal. It is easier for a child to develop in such families. And if the spouses are constantly fighting for power, and constantly find out which of them is in charge, this negatively affects the child.
It is always necessary to remember that you are not enemies to each other. You don't have to stand on opposite sides.
