The art of correct association in NLP. Neurolinguistic programming (NLP): description of the technique, application, criticism But remember that the mirror turns the image upside down
Alexander Lyubimov
Our head is an absolutely amazing instrument. If you learn to use it correctly, you can do very interesting things. Think how funny it is to see yourself from the outside. We all know how to do this. Some do this more often, others less often. You can look down on yourself right now. What do you look like when viewed from the big toe of your right foot? Dark? Well, imagine that you are sitting on a shoe. Isn't it funny? And if you look from a distance of a hundred meters. From behind the window. The curtains are in the way - you can mentally remove them. And make the walls transparent. Here is such a little man reading a tiny book. And if you look at yourself from the tip of your own nose. Such different mounds, huge hairs (who calls them hairs?).
Now you can go back and see it all with your own eyes. What changed?
- When I was flying and looking at myself from the outside, there were practically no feelings there. But when I returned, the sensations immediately became greater.
- You look at yourself and seem to move away. There's a man sitting here.
There are several ways to perceive the situation. You can be inside and see everything with your own eyes (association), or you can look at yourself in this situation from the outside (dissociation).
Naturally, in order to dissociate, you don’t need to go into the astral body or anything else like that. The brain can simply construct such a point of view: out of the situation. How to use it - more on that later.
When we are associated, we are emotionally involved in the situation, we are in it. We experience, we move, we are happy or upset, we feel pain or delight. When we are dissociated, we observe from the outside, we can carefully evaluate what is happening. At the same time, feelings remain within the situation. Also, when we are dissociated, we can evaluate how we look from the outside. There is even a device that we constantly use for this - called a mirror.
You can participate in a fight and watch it from the side. Let this fight be called boxing. And if a person is in the ring, then he feels excitement, experiences emotions, moves, experiences pain and tension. The viewer simply watches this from the side - evaluates the beauty of the movements, determines where to move and how to hit.
What a blow. I should have hit it harder. And from below.
It is clear that there is some difference between receiving a blow to the head and looking at it from the outside.
- That is, in a dissociated state a person does not experience feelings?
Why, he experiences. Only these are feelings “about”. Evaluative experiences: good, interesting, beautiful. They are usually much weaker indeed than in the associated state.
I had one client. She never came out of dissociation at all. She looked at everything from the outside. This caused her some difficulties.
For example, my husband and I have sex,” she said. – I see two people making love. What do I have to do with it?
Association and dissociation are two different experiences, two different ways of perceiving the same events. Dissociation allows you to have a more balanced and calm attitude to what is happening, and to escape from strong unpleasant experiences and pain. But at the same time, you can escape from pleasant and delightful feelings.
For example, it is better to experience love (like sex) from the inside. And do not engage in voyeurism. Although some people love it. They are so interested in spying on others that they cannot give up this habit even in relation to themselves. This is a rather interesting approach - instead of sex, watch a bad porn film.
In general, it would be good to learn to experience pleasant moments from the inside, and unpleasant ones from the outside.
Not always, but most often.
How it looks from the outside.
Dissociation allows you to look at yourself from the outside. This is an important skill, because there are quite a lot of things where I would like to know how it all looks from the outside.
There was one young man. He loved to dance. He loved it so much that he even took up ballroom dancing. When he danced, he was completely immersed in it. He swam in this feeling, he passed this music through himself and expressed it in movement. He felt great about his partner...
But he was never taken to competitions. This guy was so inside the dance that what it looked like on the outside didn’t interest him. But in vain. What matters to viewers is how it looks from the outside. From the outside he looked quite unsightly.
So they taught him to look at how he dances from the outside and make him not only feel good inside, but also beautiful from the outside. And they quickly started sending him to all these competitions. And he even began to occupy some places there.
The device for looking from the outside is a mirror. But a mirror cannot always be used, and it does not show you from all angles. And you always have your head with you. And it can be used at any time. Think about it.
A balanced assessment of the situation.
Another thing that dissociation gives is a calmer and more balanced assessment of the situation. What does it have to do with both the current and the past. Do the following right now - remember a situation in which you argued and believed that you were absolutely right. Done?
Fine. Now get out of this situation and watch a movie about it - people are arguing. One of them even bears your name... Dissociate, that is. What changed?
- I began to treat that situation with great humor.
- I just looked - and what are they actually arguing about!
- And I felt funny. It seemed so important to me then - and now I look - the woman is flushed, screaming, waving her arms! Some kind of Italian comedy.
So, for the majority there have been some changes in assessment.
- But nothing has changed for me. As it was, so it is.
Describe how you perceived it before.
- Well, I remember our argument - I explained certain things to the customer. We…
Please do the following - try it to come in into a situation, live it from the inside. Go back there...
- I'm going to try now. Oooh, damn! How he got me then!
Fine. Now look at her the way you described to me before.
- Oh, yes! It turns out I perceived it dissociated from the very beginning. Interesting.
- How did you know that he remembers her dissociated? He didn't say that.
But he showed it. With all your looks. A person looks completely different in an associated and dissociated state. Now you will practice calibrating these differences.
Calibration
Join groups of 4-5 people. You will all take turns being the Storytellers, and the rest will be the Observers at this time.
The narrator chooses some emotionally involved situation and talks about it. Living everything again. Then he talks about the same event, but already dissociated.
The Observers' job is to calibrate the sensory obvious differences between these two states, and also to ensure that the Storyteller is in the right state. That is, if he tells the situation from the inside, he does it all the time in association. And when he talks dissociatedly, he does it dissociated all the time. Remind him of this.
How it was?
- In our group, some storytellers were constantly trying to go from dissociation to association.
- With a dissociated story, a person looks calmer, as if frozen.
- When you dissociate, experiences seem to move away and become neutral.
Amazing. Now let's summarize the results of your calibrations.
Usage.
When you use different modes of perception, remember that there are no clear rules about where what will be most appropriate. In my opinion, the most effective approach is when you know how to control your way of perceiving. If you wanted, you entered the situation, if you wanted, you left. The question is precisely the skill, the ability to choose the right point of view. You can, for example, jump here and there in order to have both “involvement” and “sober calculation” almost simultaneously. You can “immerse yourself in the experience as much as possible” or completely “leave the situation.” It depends on what's going on and your goals. Naturally, in order for you to be able to do this, you need to train the ability to both dissociate and associate (some are better at the former, others at the latter). And also to maintain the desired state and, as needed, move from one to another.
Exercises.
Dissociation training.
Look at yourself:
from the ceiling;
from the tip of your shoes;
from behind the window;
from space;
from the tip of the nose;
from behind the shoulder.
What are the differences in perception?
Self-state calibration.
How can you determine whether you are in an associated or dissociated state? Find at least three signs for each condition.
For example. Association: more intense experiences, bending the body forward, deep breathing. Dissociation: straight posture, shallow shallow breathing, feeling of tension in the skin of the forehead.
When where.
Determine for yourself which events you prefer to perceive associatively, and which – dissociated.
State hold.
Take a period of time: 5-10-20 minutes. And during this entire period, maintain either the associated or dissociated state.
Dissociation training.
Also in threes: Client, Operator and Observer.
The Client tries to draw the Operator into an emotional dialogue. He can cry, attack, beg, accuse - to his taste. The Operator's task is to be in a dissociated state during the entire conversation. The observer monitors time and gives feedback - how well the Client worked and whether the Operator managed to maintain the desired state.
15 minutes.
Adjustment.
In threes: Client, Operator and Director.
The Client and the Operator talk about any topic that interests them. But at the same time, the Client is either in an associated or a dissociated state. And when in which - the Director decides. It also gives signals what state to go into. For example: hand with palm up - dissociation, palm down - association. The Operator calibrates the Client’s state and adjusts – the Client is in association and the Operator is behind him, the Client is dissociated – and so is the Operator.
The Client’s task is to evoke and maintain the desired state.
The Operator's task is to calibrate and adjust.
The Director’s task is to calibrate the state of both, to ensure that the Client maintains the desired state. And after the exercise, give qualitative feedback - how it was, how well the Operator calibrated and maintained the state, etc. The Director also keeps track of time.
20 minutes.
Changing the past.
Another way to use association - dissociation is to change the way you perceive the past. There is a good way to ruin your life - remember all situations associated with unpleasant experiences in association, and vice versa with pleasant ones. I guarantee you that life will become completely unbearable.
Although it may also be quite emotionally intense. With adrenaline, so to speak.
By the way, there are people who do just that. They take a piece of the past, quickly dissociate from all pleasant experiences, but then plunge into suffering with complete dedication. After this process, any current troubles will seem like sheer nonsense - when such a pile of all sorts of abomination is propped up behind you. This makes a certain sense. Well, especially if the task is to ruin your life as much as possible and help others do the same.
- But wouldn’t it be that if you dissociate from unpleasant experiences, then the experience is lost? And a person steps on the same rake again and again?
Experience is not lost - here it is. Watch as much as you want. Dissociation is precisely what allows us to organize our experience so that it can be used. When looking from the outside, we can more balancedly assess our own and others’ behavior, draw conclusions, and so on. And there are usually enough unpleasant experiences right on the spot - I don’t see the point of getting into them every time I need to remember something. It's as if, in order to get the necessary reference book, you first need to walk over burning coals. This, of course, will help reveal your character and confirm the importance of the information... If anyone decides. Most likely, it will simply discourage any desire to climb there at all.
But I don’t want to have such a library at home.
The issue is training. I made conclusions, learned – the work is finished. Naturally, if a person is so stupid that he does not study, then life will throw problems at him. Until he learns: you can’t come here. But it is usually extremely difficult to learn from bad experiences while inside. It’s bad inside, but when I come out, I don’t want to think about it anymore. Until you get into the same abomination again. I want to get away from unpleasant experiences. How to think about an event if it is associated with an uncomfortable experience? Every time go through This I don't really want to. So they just try not to think. But the problem will not go away - if nothing is changed, the same situation will happen in the same situation.
A visitor with a suitcase approaches a resident of Odessa:
- Tell me, if I walk along this street, there will be a railway station there.
railway station?
- You know, he will be there, even if you don’t go there!
Usually, when people talk about experience, it means that a person learned something from events. I changed something in myself, in my behavior.
Experience is what we get when we don't get what we want.
Dissociation is precisely what helps create experience, perceive problematic situations more balancedly and less emotionally.
Reassessment of the past.
A little exercise. Who had a difficult childhood? Ira.
Did you have a bad childhood, or maybe your life was spoiled in another period?
- It's more like adolescence.
Fine. Now do the following - mentally go back in time to when you were not yet a teenager.
Amazing. Think about it: would you place pleasant situations on the left or on the right?
- Nice ones on the right.
Then we will have the unpleasant ones on the left, right?
- Yes, sure.
Fine. Imagine that all the events of your life lie on a line - the time line. There is also a section with your teenage years on it. Right now, mentally walk through this area and sort out the situations - pleasant ones to the right, unpleasant ones to the left.
- What, absolutely all situations?
You sort out the ones you come across. Naturally, you don’t need to do this with absolutely everyone – only with the significant ones. You can do some of it consciously, and some of it can be sorted out quite unconsciously. Just mentally walk through and allow it to happen.
- Yes, I did it.
Now do the following - mentally step off the time line to the right and go through all these pleasant situations. This can be quite quickly, just live through all these pleasant events, experiencing the same emotions and feelings again. Take as much time as you need.
Amazing. And now you can mentally walk along the time line again, but you will be on it, and those situations that you placed to the left will be for you in the form of films about Ira in these situations. You can zoom in or out on the screens on which this movie is shown to you, but remember that you are on the time line, and the events are only shown to you. Likewise, you can take as much time as you need for this.
Yes, I did that too.
Now do the following - put the pleasant events back on the time line, and leave the unpleasant events to the left. And, after you do this, you can again mentally walk along the time line, living through pleasant events and considering what Ira did in unpleasant events. Remember that you have the opportunity, if necessary, to enter the screen and experience the situation from the inside. But let unpleasant events be stored in you in the form of dissociated films.
- Ooo!
What happened?
- At first it seemed to me that I simply didn’t have anything good at that age. And now it seems to me that there were even more pleasant events. And many situations that previously seemed unpleasant to me - I looked at them - they even seemed to become pleasant. I placed them on the right. And a lot of things are simply remembered. It turns out it was a good time.
Ira, think about it. Couldn’t such a new perception of this part of your past somehow harm you?
- I think no.
And one last thing. Ira, look at your future. What will change there in connection with this work?
- I think I will be more cheerful. And more confident.
Amazing. Did you like how it turned out?
- Yes thank you!
What have we done now? We simply changed our perspective on experience. Ira became associated with pleasant experiences and dissociated from unpleasant ones. It doesn't happen that everything is completely bad. Or everything is fine. The only question is how we perceive it. Here we taught Ira to perceive pleasant events associatively, and unpleasant ones - dissociated. The truth is only on one piece of her life. But the same can be done for other pieces, or for the whole life... It will just take a little more time.
- Could this cause any harm?
There can be many different experiences in an event. If a person thinks that there are more unpleasant ones, he evaluates the situation as unpleasant. And vice versa. And it may contain useful experience. You can't get to him dissociated - he's inside. If you simply distance yourself from everything, this experience will become inaccessible. Therefore, what is important here is a person’s ability if he needs to enter a situation that he currently perceives dissociated, and gain access to these experiences. In this case, most likely there should be no problems.
NLP (neurolinguistic programming) – a popular area of practical psychology and psychotherapy, which has spread widely in various areas of life. A person who knows NLP influences the subconscious of his listeners or his own subconscious with the help of specially selected phrases - linguistic constructions. NLP has become one of the most popular psychological practices with the help of which a person can change his psyche and influence other people in order to model their behavior.
The influence of NLP on the subconscious occurs through soft Ericksonian hypnosis. It is very different from the classical technique, which completely turns off consciousness. A person proficient in NLP can put his interlocutor into a light trance by adjusting the breathing frequency, eye contact, metaphors and figurative phrases that correspond to the mental characteristics of a person. The trance state helps to shift attention to the inner “I” and facilitates the flow of information into the subconscious. The interlocutor’s consciousness does not turn off. But the speaker gets the opportunity to bypass his “filters,” which allows him to inspire sympathy and inspire trust.
Scope of application of NLP
In recent decades, NLP has been widely used in psychotherapy and everyday life.
- NLP in psychotherapy and psychological counseling. Elements of NLP are used to treat: psychological trauma, phobias, depression, psychosomatic disorders, eliminating bad habits. It is used in family counseling and sports psychology. In psychological training to increase stress resistance and other personal qualities.
- NLP in everyday life is widely used by training companies and coaches when conducting trainings and seminars on personal growth, increasing the efficiency of personnel of commercial companies, specialists working in the field of sales and advertising. Pickup or the modern art of seduction was also based on the principles of NLP.
Basic concept in NLP is “subjective experience” - knowledge of the surrounding world through the organs of perception. It has three interrelated components: perceptions, ideas, and beliefs. Experience determines a person’s feelings, his way of thinking, and therefore his behavior. Based on personal experience, everyone builds their own picture of the world, their own reality. By observing behavior, one can understand the subjective experience and gain the key to behavior change. Therefore, in NLP the approach to each person should be purely individual. The use of standard schemes and template approaches causes rejection and hostility towards the user of the technique.
The history of NLP
The technique was developed in the 60-70s at the University of California. Three specialists were involved in its creation: psychologist Richard Bandler, linguist John Grinder, and cyberneticist and anthropologist Gregory Bateson. They analyzed the work of three famous and very successful psychotherapists working in different directions: F. Perls, V. Satir and M. Erickson (the founder of Ericksonian hypnosis). After studying their methods of working with the conscious and unconscious, the researchers compiled algorithms that later became the basis of NLP.
How NLP was created
The authors of NLP, and later their followers, found successful psychotherapists and people who successfully dealt with psychological problems, and adopted their secrets. They analyzed the information received, decomposed it into components, and then created step-by-step instructions for solving this problem.
How Neuro Linguistic Programming Works
NLP gives practical advice and clear instructions, using which you can understand the motives of a person’s actions and convey your point of view to him, make him your supporter, arouse sympathy and change his command, and get rid of psychological problems.
Effectiveness of NLP depends from a number of factors:
- Uncritical perception of the basics of NLP. Doubting people who are critical of presuppositions and demand scientific evidence of controversial statements will not be able to effectively influence their interlocutor. To convince your opponent you need to believe in what you do and say.
- Individual approach to each person. There are no perfect NLP techniques that are suitable for all people and work in all situations. In each case, you need to analyze, be flexible and choose what is most suitable.
- Correct selection of NLP techniques and their proper combination. Even when working with one person, several techniques are required. Some of them may turn out to be ineffective, others stop working over time, so you need to be fluent in many techniques.
- Strict adherence to all details of the methodology. All the nuances of technology are very important. For example, if it is stated that during psychotherapy using NLP the patient must be in a trance state, then this rule cannot be neglected. Otherwise, the suggestion will not work.
- Mastery and communication skills. People who know the basics of psychology, are used to communicating and do it at ease - psychologists, psychotherapists, teachers, coaches - can quickly master NLP. Those who do not have such skills will have to practice a lot.
Basic principles of NLP - presuppositions
Basic principles of NLP(they are also called presuppositions) are statements and postulates that are the theoretical basis of the technique. People who practice NLP accept presuppositions as axioms that do not require proof. These statements are designed to change a person's perspective on a situation to make it easier to solve problems.
- The map is not the territory. Just as a map of a locality is not the territory it describes, so our vision of reality does not coincide with the “objective reality” that actually exists. Our vision depends on past experience, upbringing, mood, attitudes and principles. Therefore, the same situation is perceived differently by different people. NLP teaches us to understand that the real world is wider than the map that our experience has drawn. Each person has his own vision, and this must be taken into account. Nobody's map is genuine and correct, but the one that gives more opportunities to solve problems is better. Other people's pictures of the world can help you see a problem from a new perspective and find an unexpected solution. Understanding how a person sees reality helps to build an effective model of communication with him.
- The body and “consciousness” are a single system. Well-being depends on a person’s thoughts, and at the same time, well-being significantly influences the course of thoughts. Changes in consciousness and emotions affect bodily sensations, as they can relieve or increase muscle tone, improve or worsen blood circulation and innervation. For example, when remembering a vacation, a person experiences peace. Without noticing it, it relaxes the muscles, which helps relieve muscle spasms, improve blood circulation and relieve pain.
- At the core of any behavior is a positive intention that is associated with the original environment. A person always “wants the best,” that is, he is driven by a positive intention. But the actions that he takes to achieve his goal are not always approved by society. For example, in order to provide for the family, one will steal, and the other will work. The choice of action (behavior) depends on the situation in which the decision was made, upbringing, character, and moral standards. It happens that reality changes, and the model of behavior that was previously acceptable no longer works. In this case, it is necessary to understand what intention became the basis of this behavior, and then change the behavior to a positive one. For example, enuresis is based on the child’s subconscious intention to attract the attention of his parents. Therefore, in order to get rid of unwanted behavior, you need to help the child achieve the goal in a different way, offering a healthy alternative - communicate kindly with him, spend more time together.
- All life experiences are stored in the nervous system. Everything that has ever happened to a person is recorded in his nervous system and remains in memory, although sometimes accessing these memories can be difficult. In NLP, the past is not always seen as the root of problems. Past experience is a source of resources that help find solutions in difficult situations. Examples of successful behavior can also be found in the experiences of other people and fictional characters.
- Subjective experience is divided into sights, sounds, smells, sensations and taste. In NLP, there are five channels of information perception - visual, auditory, gustatory, olfactory and kinesthetic (body receptors and facial expressions). One of the senses is the leading one, through which a person receives basic information. Based on information, he builds his judgments and intentions, which influence behavior. Knowing a person’s modality, that is, which analyzer is his leading one, someone who knows NLP can more effectively convey the necessary information to him. Thus, it influences the behavior of the interlocutor. For example: in order to reach the subconscious of a person whose leading kinesthetic channel is, and convince him to go with you, you can construct a phrase like this: “Feel how the hot sand burns your skin, how the sea water refreshes.”
- There are no defeats, but only feedback. What people are accustomed to consider defeat or failure is actually new experience and useful information that makes a person better and brings him closer to success. For example, after an interview a person was not hired. The situation can be seen as a learning experience. After analyzing the mistakes, you can draw conclusions: how to behave next time, what skills and abilities are required for the interview to be successful.
- The meaning of communication is the reaction it evokes. When a person speaks, he has a specific intention: to convey or receive information, an emotional reaction, to motivate the interlocutor to action. It also happens that words cause a reaction opposite to that which the speaker was counting on. In response to a neutral phrase or praise, the interlocutor may be offended. This means that the action (statement) did not correspond to your intention. NLP offers a way out that will help you get the desired reaction from your opponent - change the action, choose a different tone, phrases, situation. That is, if it is clear from a person’s reaction that your arguments do not convince him, then you should change tactics. For example, don’t tell, but ask questions.
- Behavior – choosing the best option from what is currently available. A person in any situation chooses the best and most effective from what is available. Usually this choice is reinforced, and he behaves in a similar way in similar situations, even if the technique has lost its effectiveness. For example, a person may repeatedly respond to constructive criticism by yelling if it worked once. The greater his capabilities (mental, financial, physical), the richer the choice of behavioral strategies. The NLP technique is aimed at developing behavioral flexibility and new non-standard patterns of behavior in various situations. This increases the ability to adapt to constantly changing conditions, and thereby become more successful. Within the framework of psychotherapy, this presupposition helps us learn not to regret what we did in the past - after all, it was the best decision in that situation, and we were guided exclusively by positive intentions.
- Everyone has all the resources they need. Resources in NLP mean knowledge, skills, beliefs, abilities, time, finances, things and people. This is all that allows you to expand the choice of solutions to the problem. For example, the task is to make repairs. If you have enough resources, then you can choose one of three options: 1) you can do it yourself, spending time and effort; 2) you can attract friends; 3) you can pay hired workers. If there are not enough resources (no time, no money), then the number of options is reduced. The more resources, the wider the choice and the easier it is to cope with the problem. The presupposition states that everyone has the necessary resources. At first glance, it is difficult to agree with this statement. But NLP supporters argue that a person just needs to start acting as if he has resources, and they will actually appear.
The universe is favorable to us and abundant in resources. The world around us is filled with resources. In the process of evolution, humanity learned to use them, which put man at the top of the pyramid. If people only avoided danger instead of trying to achieve more, this would not have happened. This presupposition tells us that we should trust in the good intentions of other people and boldly use all available resources. In this case, the universe will become even more friendly and generous.
These presuppositions are quite general and difficult to prove using scientific experiments. Therefore, NLP supporters suggest simply taking them on faith, or acting as if you are confident in the correctness of these theses. After a change in behavior, both the feeling of the world and the train of thoughts begin to change. Thus, NLP suggests taking conscious actions in order to influence the deep structures of the psyche to obtain subconscious results.
A large number of NLP models, techniques and techniques have been created based on presuppositions. Each author and trainer adds something different. This article will discuss the most popular techniques.
Application of NLP
Training on how to apply NLP in practice is carried out at seminars and trainings, but you can learn this on your own with enough time and persistence. To do this, you need to familiarize yourself with NLP models, techniques and techniques, take online trainings and apply the acquired knowledge in practice.
NLP Models
NLP models are different ways of perceiving situations. Models are ways of thinking, using which you can find original and effective approaches to people.
NLP model: LANGUAGE FOCUSES
The “Tricks of Language” model allows you to change your opponent’s beliefs and work with his objections. Thus, it provides an advantage in debate to those who apply NLP in everyday life. Knowledge of its techniques makes it possible to improve your public activities, which is important for those working in the field of training, sales, and politics. And for psychologists and psychotherapists, these techniques allow them to change the client’s position on this issue, change their worldview to a more positive and healthy one.
Essentially, “Language Tricks” is a set of speech patterns that help quickly convince your interlocutor. With their help, you can make your opponent doubt the correctness of his judgments by shifting the focus of attention to new aspects of the problem being discussed.
There are fourteen focuses of the tongue. They are used depending on the situation and the type of nervous system of the interlocutor.
- Focus of the tongue - intention
The essence of the method is to intuitively determine the goal that motivates a person, which is hidden behind his statement. The person is then asked to perform an action for this purpose.
– I appreciate your rationality and responsibility, which is why I think that you will cope with this task better than others.
- Focus of language - redefinition
The essence of the method is to replace one of the words in the interlocutor’s statement with one that is close in meaning, but has a different context.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– You cannot say: “I don’t want to do this” while at work.
Or more positive:
- Indeed, it is not your duty. But could you help me?
- Tongue Focus – Consequences
The essence of the method is to outline to the interlocutor the consequences of his choice. They can be both positive and negative, depending on the manner in which the conversation is structured.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– I would like to remind you that the distribution of bonuses to the best employees of the year is currently being considered. Your decision may affect this issue.
- The focus of the tongue is separation
The essence of the method is to analyze in detail each element of the opponent’s statement.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– What exactly is what I ask that is not spelled out in your responsibilities? Let's take it point by point.
- The focus of language is unification
The essence of the method is to generalize part of the belief. This makes it possible to change the relationships between parts of the utterance.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
“We’re all going above and beyond the call of duty here.” Otherwise the work would stop.
- Focus of language - analogy
The essence of the method is to choose an analogy that gives a different meaning to the interlocutor’s statement. It’s good if it’s an anecdote, a parable, a proverb. But any metaphor that is associated with a given situation will do.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– And Noah was a winemaker. It was also not his responsibility to save the world from the flood.
- Tongue Focus – Changing Frame Size
The essence of the method is to look at the situation from the point of view of the past or future.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– If you were told that you would have to perform these functions when you got a job at our company? Would you still be interested in employment?
- Tongue Focus – Different Result
The essence of the method is to show that a given action can have a more significant result than what the opponent claims.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– This may not be stated in your job description, but it can increase our profits by an order of magnitude and attract more clients.
- The focus of language is a model of the world
The essence of the method is to reassess the situation from a different point of view, to use a different model of the world. It is advisable to do this from the position of a person who is significant and authoritative for the opponent.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
“If Harrison Ford hadn’t gone beyond his duties, everyone would still be driving steam engines.”
- Focus of language - strategy of reality
The essence of the method is appealing to real facts, which are comprehended through logic and analytical thinking. At the same time, speculation, intuitive conclusions and emotions of the opponent are swept aside.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– Let’s leave the emotions and talk on the merits. In fact, this is your responsibility. This is stated in paragraph no.
- Tongue focus is the opposite example.
The essence of the method is to find an exception to the rules and give it as an example. This makes the interlocutor's belief less powerful.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– It’s not my responsibility to train employees either, but that’s what I’m doing now. In addition, many in our team have additional workload.
- Focus of language - hierarchy of criteria
The essence of the method is to re-evaluate the interlocutor’s statement in terms of a more important criterion.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
“We are here to help people.” This is more important than following job descriptions.
- Tongue trick - apply to yourself
The essence of the method is whether the interlocutor applies to himself the rule that he is currently guided by.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– Then you should not ask for such exceptions as a flexible schedule or the possibility of remote work.
- Focus of language - meta frame
The essence of the method is that time is changing, what was previously correct has lost its relevance.
– I will not do anything that is not part of my job responsibilities.
– This could have been the case before the crisis. Now you need to fight with all your might for the client and for your workplace.
NLP model: ANCHORS
In NLP, the term “anchor” means stimulus causing a reaction or conditioned reflex. In turn, the stimulus for creating an anchor can be any word, object, person or anything else (gesture, posture, melody, smell) that triggers an emotion or state. If the anchor is installed on purpose, then something unusual is used as a stimulus, but which can be exactly repeated at the right moment: an unusual gesture, a new keychain.
Setting an NLP anchor has the same principle as the formation of a conditioned reflex. For example, while on vacation you started using a new eau de toilette. After this, holiday impressions are associated with this aroma. After some time, using this eau de toilette will, without meaning to, bring back memories of your vacation. So the aroma became an anchor that triggered pleasant emotions.
Depending on what experience the anchor causes, it can be positive or negative.
- Positive anchor evokes pleasant emotions and resource states useful for solving problems. It helps to induce this state at the right time. For example, performance at work, energy at the end of the day, etc.
- Negative anchor causes negatively colored experiences that complicate activities. It can be used to treat bad habits (overeating, smoking).
You can perform various actions with anchors:
- Anchor overlay- an action as a result of which one stimulus causes two different states. So, to increase efficiency, a work tool (for example, a tablet) can be made an anchor that triggers vigor and interest.
- Collapse of anchors is a state when anchors denoting opposing emotions and states (for example, fear and calmness) neutralize each other. As a result, both reflexes associated with them no longer work, and the stimulus itself does not cause any emotions.
- Reanchoring- replacement of the state that was previously caused by the anchor with another. For example, if a school backpack caused anxiety in a child associated with possible troubles at school, then after re-anchoring it will arouse interest or confidence in his abilities.
- Anchor integration– the combination of several positive or several negative states on one anchor. For example, after integrating anchors, a cigarette can become an anchor for disgust, nausea, and hostility, which will help a person cope with a bad habit.
The anchor model in NLP is one of the most popular. More details about installing an anchor and using this model in practice are described in the “Anchoring Resource States” technique.
NLP Model: ASSOCIATION – DISSOCIATION
Let’s imagine a situation: someone insulted you on the street. In this case, two options for perceiving the situation are possible.
- Association– You see the situation with your own eyes and are a direct participant in it. You look at the flushed face of your opponent, hear his voice, feel how you are filled with anger and resentment, how the blood rushes to your face and beats in your temples. With association, you perceive what is happening with all your senses. Because of this, many emotions arise that can either help in resolving the situation or harm.
- Dissociation- this is a way of perception when you see yourself in this situation from the outside. You look at yourself, in conflict, and at your opponent. You see and hear everything that is happening, but at the same time you do not feel emotions that would prevent you from making a rational decision. You can look at yourself from above, over your shoulder, or from the side.
What is the association-dissociation model used for? Association is needed when you want to evoke the emotions that you experienced in that situation. When talking with a loved one, on vacation, during sex, in a moment of triumph. These states are used to set the anchor.
Dissociation helps you look at the situation without unnecessary emotions. This can help at a time when you need to control yourself, for example during a quarrel with your superiors. A detached view from the outside helps reduce anxiety. For example, when you suffer from insomnia because you worry about events that may (or may not) happen in the future. The dissociation method is also used in the fight against phobias and psychological trauma.
NLP Model: METAPROGRAMS
Metaprograms are filters that determine what information enters consciousness and what a person’s attention is focused on. By determining a person’s meta-program, you can predict his behavior, achieve understanding, effectively motivate him, and determine the position where he will be most useful.
It must be taken into account that meta-programs are not a stable phenomenon. The same person can manifest different meta-programs in different situations. For example, at work he relies only on his own opinion, but in family matters he listens to the opinion of his wife. The severity of the meta-program also depends on the state of health and other factors. Therefore, it is necessary to select an individual approach to the same person at each meeting.
Types of metaprograms:
At the moment there are more than 50 meta-programs. We will briefly describe the most common of them.
- Meta-program “motivation OT-K”
The OT-K motivation meta-program divides people into two groups.
- Motivation K(in 30% of people). People who are characterized by K motivation are focused on success. They are leaders by nature. They are interested in what they can achieve, what they can acquire. For example, a person will be more interested in how to move up the career ladder. At the same time, the question: “how to avoid the anger of his superiors and the hostility of his colleagues” does not concern him.
- Motivation OT(60%) is typical for people who avoid failures and negativity. They tend to set small goals that can be achieved quickly. They value stability. They do not like risk and changes that could lead to changes for the worse. They tend to get rid of problems and shortcomings. For example, they would rather buy a hypoallergenic shampoo that promises to get rid of dandruff and hair loss than a shampoo for beautiful lush and thick hair.
- Meta-program “WAY OF THINKING”
The meta-program “way of thinking” describes the way information is processed. People are divided into 3 groups, based on whether the person prefers to enlarge, disaggregate, or look for analogies
- Generalization. These people tend to highlight common essential properties of objects and phenomena. Based on observations of small and individual cases, they draw conclusions about the entire category. For example, such a woman will claim that all men are polygamous, based on one betrayal.
- Disaggregation. Humans are characterized by deductive thinking. From knowledge about the general, with the help of inferences, they draw conclusions about the particular. For example, parrots can talk, so any budgie can be taught to talk.
- Analogies. People with this way of thinking draw conclusions based on the similarity of equivalents: if Masha is 10 years old, then her classmates are also 10 years old.
- Meta-program “MOTIVES”
Conventionally, people can be divided into 4 categories, according to the motives that drive them.
- Power. These people are driven to action by power, the ability to influence the emotions and actions of others. They place their prestige, importance and respect from others above all else. They are good managers and natural leaders.
- Involvement. Team players. They are always in the mood for communication, love to make new acquaintances, and maintain old connections. These people are always the center of attention and need recognition and communication. They work well in a group, are able to perform monotonous work for a long time, and do not strive to occupy responsible positions.
- Achievement. People of this type prefer complex tasks, research, new projects that no one has tackled before. They do not need associates and assistants, preferring to work alone. Constantly strive for improvement and development. Must become better than others and better than themselves in the past.
- Avoidance. These people value safety above all. They try to avoid all possible risks and often feel helpless. Their fear program is launched for the most insignificant reasons. They are efficient, but are afraid to take the initiative. They do not express their opinions, trying not to provoke a conflict.
- Meta-program “REFERENCE”
The “Reference” meta-program helps to divide people into two groups, taking into account which values are leading in decision-making: internal or external.
- Meta-program “PREFERRED MODALITY”
The “Preferred Modality” meta-program describes through which channel a person prefers to receive information about the outside world. The leading channel can be: vision, hearing, feelings (tactile sensations, taste and smell) or internal dialogue. Knowing the preferred modality of the interlocutor makes it possible to adapt to his way of thinking, which gives advantages when communicating with him.
| Modality | Visuals | Audials | Kinesthetics | Digitals |
| Population size | ||||
| Leading channel | Bodily sensations, smell, taste, movement | Meaning, functionality |
||
| Predicates - keywords | Sit, watch, bright, colorful, colorful | Listen, loud, rhythmic, sounds | Feel, touch, warm, tender | Rational, efficient |
| Character traits | When communicating, they consider the interlocutor. Appearance is more important than functionality. To remember and perceive, they need: diagrams, graphs, images. | Very sociable. They love to talk and listen. They often have a pleasant, expressive voice and a good ear for music. To memorize, say it out loud or to yourself. | When communicating, they tend to touch the interlocutor - shake hands, adjust clothes. Not too talkative. They value convenience and comfort. They are constantly in action, rarely sit still, and twirl something in their hands. Impulsive. They don't like to plan. | They prefer to reason, highlight what’s important, analyze the situation, and adopt other people’s experiences. Thinking critically, they believe only solid evidence. Outwardly calm, they try to avoid strong emotions, which are very painful for them. |
| What does he value? | View, see, image, layout, draw | Touch, feel, contact | Hear about all sides of the issue, discuss the topic | Evidence, certificates, certificates |
The impact on a person using this NLP meta-program can be divided into 3 stages:
- Human analysis. Definition of its representative system. Which channel is his leading one: hearing, vision, feelings.
- Adjustment to the subject's representative system. For example, we say to the visual – “I see that you are right”, to the auditory – “Everything you say is correct”, to the kinesthetic – “I feel that you are right”, and to the digital – “You are right on all counts.”
- Influencing the subject using various techniques. After adjustment, choose a technique appropriate to the situation.
All meta-programs are inherent to each person to varying degrees. For example, your interlocutor exhibits 70% OT motivation, 80% internal reference, and 90% visual. But in other cases, he may show “to” motivation or kinesthetic properties. Therefore, when communicating, you need to carefully monitor the response your words evoke.
NLP techniques
NLP techniques are step-by-step instructions that allow you to solve a problem without delving into the causes of its occurrence. Let's look at the most productive NLP techniques.
SWAP technique
The “Swing” technique is one of the most popular techniques that operate at the subconscious level. It helps to get rid of bad habits: smoking, alcoholism, overeating, nail biting.
Step one
- Clarifying Intentions: Why do you need this? What do you get from it? - I smoke to calm down and have fun.
- Identifying Secondary Benefits: What other benefits do you get? What do you use it for? – Smoking helps you communicate with colleagues and pass the time at work.
- Benefits from the new state: Why do you want to get rid of this habit? What benefits will you get if you quit smoking? – Health, self-esteem.
- Ecology check: Are there any negative consequences possible after quitting this habit? What are the consequences of refusing it? Is it possible to somehow reduce the negative consequences?
Step two
Drawing up representations. Depending on the person’s modality (what dominates – vision, hearing, sensations, etc.) two pictures are compiled. One symbolizes the image or feeling that occurs when an unwanted program is launched. The second is the image of a person free from a bad habit.
Let's consider an example, an attempt to get rid of nicotine addiction in a person with a leading visual analyzer.
- The first picture is a hand raising a lit cigarette to its mouth.
- The second picture is a photo of a happy and successful person who managed to quit smoking.
Step three
- Picture 1. It is necessary to present the picture of “a hand with a cigarette” in close-up, making it as clear, colorful, and contrasting as possible.
- Picture 2. In the dark corner of the first picture you need to place a second one - small and dim.
- Performing a "swing". The pictures instantly change places. The picture with the cigarette becomes black and white, dim and small. The picture with the ideal image unfolds, filled with colors and details. The action happens in a split second.
- Black screen. Once the perfect picture has been detailed, you need to “clear the screen.” Both images disappear, leaving a black background.
- Repeat changing pictures 12-15 times. Repeat the exercise daily until the craving for smoking completely disappears.
Technique “ANCHORING RESOURCE STATES”
Using the “anchoring resource states” technique, you can evoke a state or emotion at the right moment. This makes it possible to manage feelings in any situation.
Step one
- Clarifying the goal: In what situation is an additional resource needed? - at work, when communicating with the opposite sex.
- Determining the Required Resource: What do you need in this situation to cope with it successfully? For example, calmness during an exam, courage during public speaking, inspiration during creative work.
- Ecology check: If you had this resource, would you use it? Would your behavior make the situation worse?
Step two
- Remember the situation, when you had the necessary resource: when you felt confident, calm, joyful. If you haven’t had such a positive experience, you can come up with a story in which you showed the right quality.
- Come up with an anchor. This may not be a gesture you are used to. For example, clasp the wrist of your right hand with the thumb and index finger of your left hand, or clasp your hands in a lock, straightening and connecting your index fingers.
- Anchoring. Recreate the selected situation in your imagination down to the smallest detail: who was present, what they said, smells, atmosphere. Remember the resourceful feeling that you would like to experience. When positive experiences reach their highest point, then at that moment it is necessary to attach an anchor. After anchoring, it is necessary to interrupt the reproduction of the situation.
- Securing the anchor. The chain: “reproduction of the situation – peak of the resource state – anchor – interruption of the situation” is repeated 7-10 times. This number of repetitions is usually enough for the conditioned reflex to become established.
Step three
- Anchor check. Go about your daily activities. After a while, perform an action that serves as an anchor. Following this, a resourceful state (calmness, confidence) should involuntarily arise. If it does not occur, then anchoring is repeated another 5-7 times.
- Replaying a problem situation. In your imagination, simulate a situation in which you previously lacked confidence. For example, you are at a table where exam papers are laid out, and a teacher is sitting opposite. You are filled with excitement and anxiety. Use the anchor to bring about the desired state.
- Strengthening the conditioned reflex. Use the anchor in practice as often as possible to reinforce the skill.
- Technique “QUICK TREATMENT OF PHOBIAS” or “CINEMA”
Using this technique, you can get rid of not only obsessive fears and phobias, but also any strong emotions: hatred, anger, envy.
Neurolinguistic programming is a popular and hotly debated area of practical psychology. The relevance of this subject is due to a number of reasons. Firstly, NLP methods are at the intersection of several disciplines: psychology, psychotherapy, programming and linguistics. Secondly, NLP is a new research direction aimed mainly at practical applications in human life. In addition, although neuro-linguistic programming is often criticized by the academic community, this discipline contains a large number of useful and “working” techniques, which will be discussed in the lessons of this section. In this online training, you will learn for free how to use key NLP techniques: metamodel, framing, reporting, anchoring, working with states and representational systems, and also get acquainted with the best practices, games, books, videos on this topic.
What it is?
NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) is a field of practical psychology that develops applied techniques that model the techniques and practices of famous psychotherapists and communication masters.
In other words, NLP studies the positive experience of specialists in the field of psychotherapy, Gestalt psychology, psychoanalysis, linguistics, hypnosis, with the goal of using this experience in the future. Essentially, NLP is about modeling the techniques of successful people in order to make these techniques available to the public.
It is worth noting that NLP is not a science, and knowledge, due to the nature of its acquisition, cannot be fully scientifically verified. Moreover, the scientific community is skeptical about this area, and it is rare to find NLP courses in universities. But it is important to understand that the creators of NLP did not have the goal of making a full-fledged scientific theory. It was important for them to find publicly available techniques, revealing the complex techniques of famous psychology practitioners.
Short story
Collaborative work on the creation of neurolinguistic programming was started in the late 1960s by a group of specialists from the University of California: Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Frank Pucelik, led by their scientific trustee, the famous anthropologist Gregory Bateson. The NLP system was developed to answer the question of why certain psychotherapists interact so effectively with their clients. Instead of exploring this issue from the point of view of psychotherapeutic theory, Bandler and Grinder turned to analyzing the methods and techniques used by these psychotherapists by observing the progress of their work. The scientists then grouped the methods they studied into different categories and presented them as general models of interpersonal relationships and how people influence each other.
The famous specialists whose professional experience it was decided to transform into models were chosen:
- Virginia Satir - family therapy
- Milton Erickson - Ericksonian hypnosis
- Fritz Perls - Gestalt therapy
The first results of studying the practical skills of these psychotherapists appeared in 1975 and were published in the work “The Structure of Magic. Volume 1" (1975). Then, extended research materials on the model were presented in the books “The Structure of Magic. Volume 2" (1976) and "Changes in the Family" (co-authored with Virginia Satir, 1976). The result of this work was the so-called Meta Model, which you will learn about in the first lesson of our training. This model served as the foundation for further research in this area and led to the creation of a whole area of practical psychology. Today NLP is an open methodology that has many followers, complementing it with proprietary developments.
Application of NLP skill
NLP tries to teach people to observe, understand and influence themselves and others as effectively as experienced psychotherapists and communication masters do. Therefore, NLP has a wide range of applications, which can include areas such as:
- psychotherapy,
- time management,
- education,
- management and management,
- sales,
- jurisprudence,
- writing and journalism.
NLP allows you to develop the communication skills that every person needs. In addition, NLP helps personal development: the ability to correctly understand your emotional states, perceive the world around you in a diversified way, and achieve flexibility in behavior. Advanced NLP techniques allow you to treat phobias and psychological trauma, maintain good mental shape and maintain a high level of performance.
How to learn it
Additional material
It is impossible to describe all possible models and techniques of neurolinguistic programming within one online course. This is also due to the fact that this research area continues to develop, modeling new psychological and linguistic techniques. Many of these techniques are quite specific, so they will not be of interest to all 4brain readers. To make it easier for you to find the information you need, we decided to provide links to additional materials (books, videos, articles) that are not included in our course.
Books
You can find many NLP textbooks in stores, but often these books contain little useful information. To help you better navigate the literature on neurolinguistic programming, we have selected a list of the most popular and proven books. It included:
- Tricks of the tongue. Robert Dilts
- From frogs to princes. John Grinder
- NLP Practitioner: Complete Certification Course. NLP magic textbook. Bodenhamer B., Hall M.
- The art of persuasion. Richard Bandler
- 77 best NLP techniques. Michael Hall
- And some others.
Video
Due to the fact that many NLP techniques represent specific speech techniques and behaviors, it is difficult to learn all of this just by reading a text description. An important component of training is visual examples of people who have already mastered the required technique, as well as master classes and lectures by leading experts. We also tried to include videos with such examples and presentations in our training and additional materials.
At the beginning of the article, we will give a couple of definitions so that it is immediately clear what we are talking about. So, association
- this is immersion in an experience, during the reproduction of which a person sees events with his own eyes, perceiving it with all his senses.
Dissociation
– a way out of the experience into the state of an observer of oneself, viewing and hearing the situation from the outside. In this case, there is no direct kinesthetic perception.
We are excellent at regulating the degree of our involvement in experience. Sometimes we plunge headlong into it, and sometimes we move away, as if this is not happening to us. We can literally associate with our feelings, or we can dissociate, disconnect from them. Sometimes events literally take over us and we are carried along in the stormy stream of life. In other cases, we remain indifferent observers on its banks.
Imagine that you see yourself from the outside standing under the shower. From here you can see how he is there under the transparent streams of water. You may even hear sounds coming from the shower. That man is standing and washing. Suddenly a stream of cold water poured on him, because... turned off the hot water...
Now it's a little different. You are standing under a hot shower. Elastic jets of water pleasantly massage your body and gently flow down it. You hear the sound of running water and, perhaps, your own contented purring... Suddenly a stream of cold water poured on you, because... The hot water was turned off.
Do you feel different?
You may have already guessed why such a powerful difference appears. In the first case you were dissociated from your body. You literally looked at him from the side. Therefore, you found yourself cut off from his experiences and easily survived even a very drastic change in the situation. The maximum that you could experience is feelings about what happened.
A madman writes a letter to himself.
– And what are you writing to yourself there?
- How do I know! I haven't received it yet!
In the second case, you associated with yourself. You were in your own body, looked with your own eyes, listened with your own ears, felt what was happening around you. And they found themselves connected with their own experiences. It is possible that you experienced mild invigorating stress without interrupting your reading.
Accordingly, you have gained an understanding of associated and dissociated states. Having gained some experience, one can quite easily discover whether a person is associated or not with his experiences.
Thus, the association is characterized by more intense breathing, redness of the skin and a slight tilt of the body forward. Particularly indicative is the presence of micromotor skills - the smallest (and very obvious) movements of the body, as in the situation being experienced. This could be trembling of the fingers, movements of the lips, displacement of the body in one direction or another. Sometimes the narrator can literally “draw” the situation around him.
A dissociated person, as a rule, is easily read by his body tilted back. He literally withdraws from the situation into an observer position. His breathing is shallower and his skin is much paler. He can also “draw” something for you, but he does it as if on a screen.
A drunk man brings a friend to his home at night. Everybody sleeps. He shows the apartment:
“This is my living room, this is my bedroom, this is our bed.” Here is my wife sleeping, and this is me next to her...
The moment of transition between these states is especially striking. One minute he sat, involved in the experience, and the next moment he leaned back and literally in a minute changed his complexion to a paler one. The face becomes much less mobile, as if someone had turned an invisible switch.
The changes are truly striking because the transition between association and dissociation is discrete—discontinuous in nature. You can either look at the world with your own eyes, or see yourself from the outside. The designer of the world did not provide for an intermediate state.
But you can regulate the degree of dissociation from experiences. The main way is to change the distance to your own body. Remember the usual: “This is not close to me at all,” “This is not that important!”, “I would like to move away from my problems.” All these phrases express literal processes that occur in our experiences. We really move the picture with memories to a greater distance. And we can literally enter them by associating with our own body.
I believe your imagination is already running wild on how this can be used. It remains only to describe those methods of using this wonderful tool that have long been used by all NLPers. The first is working with memories. All of our life experiences are encoded in our nervous system. And the way it is encoded there can significantly affect our present and even future behavior. Or it may not have an impact - God protects those who are protected.
A bandaged husband and wife stand near the trauma hospital. They get into a taxi and ask the driver:
- Just please don’t drive! And then yesterday we got such a reckless driver that we had an accident. Let him be empty!
The taxi driver turns around happily:
- Oh, it was you! But I didn't recognize you.
You can, for example, work with pleasant and unpleasant memories. Anything can happen in life, and all this is our life experience. Most valuable because it has been experienced. These are the lessons that our life generously distributes. And there is a lot to be learned from these lessons. But what to do with those events, the mere memories of which cause us pain? Don’t cultivate masochism in yourself!
The answer on the surface is to dissociate from them. The events were associated with troubles - break this connection. Just get out of your body. In memories, of course. Let all those events happen to him - the younger one. And you will learn from them. Staying on the surface and not plunging once again into all sorts of nasty things.
The sewer broke. Young and old plumbers open the hatch and feces come out. The senior dives into the hatch, and a minute later his head appears and says to his partner:
- The key is twelve!
I took the key and dived again. After a minute:
- The key is seventeen!
And so on. When everything was fixed, the senior plumber declares, not without pride:
- Here, study! Otherwise you’ll be handing over the keys for the rest of your life!
A fairly simple trick helps to record dissociation - make the pictures black and white. Or a movie - I don’t know what you have. For particularly powerful emotions, double dissociation helps. When you dissociate once, you repeat the dissociation. And now look at how he looks at the one who is now experiencing the events.
In this way, you will recode your memories associated with painful experiences and learn to deal with similar situations more soberly in the future. And most likely, you can bypass them.
How can you feel the taste of life again? Enjoy all the colors of past memories? How to revive all the thrill of life's best moments? Through association. Relive your most beautiful memories over and over again! Enter them, look at everything with your own eyes, at this voluminous, beautiful and colorful world! Pay attention to what sounds were around you at that moment. How did you feel in your body? How hard is the surface you are standing on?
Recharge from the past with the feelings you experienced then. Surprisingly, by remembering events that happened in the past, we can change our state here and now. If they remembered a joyful event, they rejoiced right away; if they remembered a sad event, they were upset, “without leaving the cash register.”
Accordingly, we need association when we return to the past for the necessary states. We need confidence - we take confidence. Rage - we are looking for rage. Love - experiencing love. We draw from the past what we need now.
-Give me that loaf of bread.
- Starting today, bread prices have risen.
- Yes? In that case, give me yesterday's.
When we only need information, we dissociate. And we calmly collect it in places where we couldn’t even look without trembling before. However, looking for the right thing in a tidy warehouse is still more pleasant than in a trash heap.
One of the rather interesting submodal differences is associated or dissociated perception of the situation. If you perceive the situation as a participant, “with your own eyes,” then they talk about associations, if you perceive yourself “from the outside,” then they talk about “ dissociation».
: I see the situation with my own eyes.
: I see myself in this situation from the outside.
Another way to use the associated state is to associate with another person, that is, you “get used to” someone else’s image.
This is the basis of acting - becoming someone else. There are many stories of how, when preparing for a role, actors spent a long time getting used to the situation. When Richard Gere was to play a lawyer, he had worked in a law office for several months beforehand.
By associating with another person, you can “from the inside” understand his goals, intentions, thoughts, and model his further behavior or reaction in a certain situation. You can “step into the shoes” of your cat, mother-in-law, negotiating partner, store saleswoman, president, etc.
I-Myself (subordinate): - I asked to be given a vacation right now. But he refused. Well, does he care when I go on vacation? Just some kind of redneck!
I am the Chief: - Ivanov asks for leave. And we need to submit the order in two weeks. At the same time, if I give him a vacation now, I won’t be able to refuse Petrova and Sidorov - they will want it too. Then everything will go topsy-turvy. But now he considers me a redneck!
