How to destroy your ex's family. Ten steps of a mistress to destroy her man's family. A quick conspiracy to separate
Men with personal problems approach the editors of a women's newspaper infrequently. Unless they are driven to despair and don’t know where else to look for support and help.
“I have been married for thirty years, and, to be honest, happy. Alla and I raised two children, and we already have a granddaughter,” Konstantin Pavlovich crumples his fur hat in his hands out of awkwardness. - Where would I be if it weren’t for my wife... But fifteen years ago I wasn’t smart enough to understand this, I was young. And it seemed too early for a demon to hit me in the ribs, but I found another woman. And even then, and even to myself, I couldn’t explain why.”
Maria was married and raising a son, so an affair with her seemed somewhat safe. We dated for a year, and then she got pregnant. And she immediately declared: “I’m giving birth,” although Konstantin Pavlovich tried to persuade her not to ruin the family, but to think about her son. But Maria firmly stood her ground, confronted her husband with the fact that she wanted a divorce and was expecting a child from her lover, and Konstantin, as a man with certain principles, had to admit his paternity.
It would seem that the situation should have developed further calmly, within the framework of the law, but everything happened in such a way that Konstantin Pavlovich’s wife still recalls the events of the past with a shudder.
“This woman decided to “come out of the shadows.” I didn’t give a damn about my own husband, who came to me, completely killed and confused, asking me to help save the family for the sake of the child,” says Alla. “Then Madame herself became more active. She showed up at our house, banged on the door, and screamed at the entire entrance: “I will marry your husband!” One day I just had to carry her down the stairs. Then Maria began to catch our schoolchildren on the street and educate them: “Soon your father will leave you and marry me.”
Konstantin Pavlovich admits that by the time his son was born, the relationship between him and Maria no longer existed, it had been exhausted. But there was a huge feeling of guilt before his wife and his mistress’s husband, who died a year after the divorce.
“I didn’t leave my son. Before the nursery, Alyosha lived with his grandmother, where I regularly visited him, took him for walks and to the park. The wife did not interfere with the meetings, she said: “Since this has happened, don’t be a scoundrel.” She even offered to take the boy into our family and raise him, but Maria categorically refused, and any court would have been on her side, continues Konstantin Pavlovich. “Seven years passed relatively peacefully, I brought money to my grandmother to support Alyosha, without requests or paperwork, with the expectation that Maria would have enough for her first child, who grew up without a father.”
G rum struck in 2007, when Konstantin Pavlovich’s children graduated from college and moved away. By that time, Maria had already married a wealthy man for the second time, became a mother again and... filed for alimony. I called Alla first, hissing into the phone: “Now you’ll dance.”
“I was still doing business then. In July 2007, I was awarded alimony in the amount of 1/4 of all types of earnings, I didn’t mind, I continued to pay, but in March 2009, Maria again went to court and demanded that the alimony be changed to a fixed sum of money. It amounted to 54 times the minimum wage or, at that time, 5,400 rubles. Naturally, with subsequent indexing.”
Konstantin Pavlovich regularly transferred the required amount to the bank account of his former mistress or transferred it through bailiffs, and was never overdue. Only now no one allowed him to see Alyosha - every attempt to meet turned into a tremendous hassle for father and son, and it was the child who suffered first of all. And in January 2012, a new decree came - due to confusion with indexation, Konstantin Pavlovich was charged with a debt of 224 thousand rubles.
“In theory, if alimony is calculated in hard currency, then it should be indexed quarterly in proportion to the cost of living in a given region in the “children” group, according to the governor’s decree. And since 2001, the minimum wage for alimony is still 100 rubles. It’s difficult to explain all this, but due to the confusion in the numbers, I found myself in a debt hole. I, having strained myself, paid off 85,000 rubles of an incomprehensible debt within three months, but the debt managed to grow even further, today it amounts to 184 thousand rubles,” explains Konstantin Pavlovich and smiles bitterly: “Appetite comes with eating.” In March 2013, I was ordered to pay alimony in the amount of 13,000 rubles per month, despite a salary of 16,000 rubles and the absence of other sources of income. “Either negotiate, or go taxi,” the judge advised.”
ABOUT I would be glad, but my health doesn’t allow it. Due to a serious illness, Konstantin Pavlovich was forced to close his own business and get another job, and he simply did not have the strength to take on extra work. He has a whole “bouquet” of diagnoses - viral hepatitis with transition to cirrhosis of the liver, hypertension, spina bifida, but there is no money for treatment and medicine.
“I will be in debt for life. “I am ready to pay alimony and have never refused, but I have been driven into a corner,” the man shrugs, “Maria has already written statements to the prosecutor’s office three times so that for each day of delay I would pay her an additional 0.5% of the debt amount, which is another 30,000.” monthly. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m practically supported by my 79-year-old mother, with whom I live.
But Maria is not enough, she regularly runs to my company, creates scandals with demands to fire me, has bypassed all the bosses, continues Konstantin Pavlovich. - Once again I ended up in the hospital. I’m lying under a drip, I open my eyes - she (Maria works as a doctor). She leaned over me and shouted: “Give me the money!” Soon this amount will seem like a pittance to you.” We went through seven(!) court hearings, and I was tired. After Maria began to claim that I was threatening her life and the life of her son, on December 30, 2013, I turned to the city prosecutor’s office with a request to protect me from such statements.”
Wife Alla, tired of feeling sorry and enduring, filed for divorce. “Eternal scandals - Madame continues to vilify me both to my face and behind my back, debts, trials, explanations ... - the words come to Alla with great difficulty. “The family turned out to be completely unprotected in front of their mistress - she, who destroyed her marriage with her own hands, broke ours, but at the same time she is considered a victim, and the judiciary is on her side.”
WITH On the one hand, Maria’s actions seem to be justified: she defends the interests of her child. But on the other hand, is it really necessary for the son’s happiness and comfort in life to trample on his father? And not only him, because the entire family of Konstantin Pavlovich was drawn into the history of her war. And his wife, children, elderly mother are responsible for his offense... Alyosha is already 13 years old, such a difficult age. He doesn't see his father at all. Perhaps he won’t see it, unless by accident. Konstantin Pavlovich, driven to despair, decided to do an examination to establish paternity; after all, in addition to him, Maria also had a legal husband.
“She herself brought me to this step. I could quit and pay her 500 rubles or get a “gray” salary. This is already paranoia - Maria threatens to put her on the All-Union wanted list. For what?! Here I am, living and working in my hometown. I am ready to pay child support for my son, but I don’t understand why the bailiffs refuse to recalculate the amount correctly, I don’t owe anyone anything! He demands that my property be confiscated, indicating in his statement: “I ask that the confiscation be carried out in my personal presence.” Maria does not hide that on her part this is revenge, cold and thoughtful. She said frankly: “I will bring you to your knees.” But if anyone is worthy of me standing on them, it’s only my wife.”
Svetlana KOBYSH.
(The names of the publication's characters have been changed.)
Is it worth destroying someone else's family?
This appeal of a wife to her husband’s mistress is a kind of attempt to build a bridge between us. Who knows, maybe it will help you think and... come to your senses.
If you are young and also good-looking, then it is very easy for you to break into someone’s family and, playfully, destroy everything that someone has built over the years. Sometimes an innocent flirtation, and then one wrong decision of yours turns the life of two already united “family clans” upside down. It’s difficult for a man when there are so many young women around, and most importantly, available to him. The temptation is so great!
“At this age, she can twist any man, absolutely helpless, into a ram’s horn...» x.f. “Love with and without rules”
We chose our own roles: wives and mistresses. And there can be no agreement between us. But it would probably be easier to understand and forgive each other if we switched places for a while. But this is also impossible, because When it comes to relationships, I personally tend to be uncompromising.
My appeal is a kind of attempt to build a bridge between us. Who knows, maybe it will help you think and... come to your senses.
Wife's address to his mistress
Read and try on someone else's fate - you will begin to better understand your own.
The current generation is very lucky. Today you won’t be left alone with your problem. There are countless programs and publications on the topic of betrayal and divorce. As a last resort, you can take your trouble to the forum and have the whole world break it down into its components.
People have become bolder in experimenting in search of their “soul mate.” They easily make contact, make mistakes, break up and start their search again. Divorce is no longer viewed as a drama by society. Now we call this a “life lesson”, the next step towards learning something...
Step 1. Sex leaves the family for his mistress. Since the real average number of sexual contacts that satisfy an ordinary person is three to four per week, personal meetings between lovers should occur at least three times a week and should always be accompanied by intimacy. Then the husband gradually ceases to be interested in his wife (even young, beautiful, slender and sexy) as a woman. This works even if the husband had a completely normal intimate relationship with his wife at the time the “left” connection arose. If marital intimacy was already rare and uninteresting at the start of the betrayal, this completely ruins it. With the death of marital intimacy, the family relationships themselves begin to disintegrate like a house of cards from under which the foundation card has been pulled out. The wife, who has accumulated sexual tension, begins to demand that her husband fulfill his marital duty, but sex according to the “under the lash” principle is usually few who accept it. This is how the usual looped circuit arises:
Less sex means more emotional tension in the family.More emotional stress in the family means less sex.
Then everything goes in a circle, the first follows from the second, the second from the first. As a result of this, even the wife’s thrice heroic efforts to improve the situation with family intimacy rarely succeed.
Step 2. The family loses weekends and holidays. One of the days when lovers meet must be a day off. In this case, the wife becomes even more nervous. Since weekends are traditionally used by all families as an opportunity to visit relatives or friends, the husband’s eternal busyness on weekends leads to the fact that the family begins to lose touch with its traditional social circle. Relatives and friends feel that “something is wrong” in this family. This begins to gradually mentally prepare them for future deterioration of the situation. In addition, a couple without active family time on weekends begins to become frankly bored in communication. Also, due to the eternal busyness of the husband and his mistress on weekends, the family begins to accumulate many unfulfilled household tasks: something is not screwed in, not taken out, not bought or repaired. Because of this, the wife begins to put pressure on her husband, which continues to worsen the psychological atmosphere in the family and paralyzes family intimacy.
Step 3. Formation of the husband’s shadow budget. A married man gradually gets used to the fact that every meeting with his mistress costs something: a cup of coffee, delicious desserts, business lunches, dinners, gifts, flowers and chocolates. The candy-bouquet period, in relation to love relationships, was precisely invented to begin the formation of a separate shadow budget for cheating husbands, an alternative to the family one. Just as a cell during the process of reproduction is constantly divided into two, so the existing family budget, due to the husband’s activity on the issue of his future reproduction with another woman, also begins to be divided into two parts. Of course, this automatically leads to a reduction in family expenses, which also causes tension in the relationship with the robbed wife.
If, over the course of a year, a mistress is not able to get a married man to have stable two or three meetings and sexual contacts a week (with a day off) and expenses for their communication, their relationship will never be able to develop. In the future, on someone's initiative, they will be curtailed. However, if everything works out for the mistress, this relationship can last for many years. After about a year of such a relationship, a married man gets used to living in this rhythm, essentially with two women, two houses. However, there is a nuance here:
That is, strengthening the position of the mistress always worsens the position of the wife. Which is quite logical. During a period of stability, every person begins to dream that it will be like this for many years, and preferably all his life. Married men are no exception. Here the main thing for a mistress is still to have iron patience not to scare off such a man and to stay next to him in the same way for another year or two. The main enemy of the mistress in this case will be her incontinence and haste. If she begins to put pressure on a man too early, he, like a fish that has not had time to swallow the hook deeply, may break loose and leave. If a girl holds out for two or three years, the likelihood of capturing new key heights, which are steps 4-6, increases sharply.
Step 4. Formation of an alternative family nest. Increasingly aware of his moral and intimate dependence on this girl, and not wanting to stop all this “illegal happiness,” the married lover will definitely begin to strengthen the material basis for meetings. And myself. He will rent an apartment for the girl, solve her problem with the hostel, help her buy her own home, and move her to one of her own apartments, if any. She will make repairs where she lives, buy furniture and household appliances. He will give you a fur coat, a trip to the sea or a car. Caring in this case, first of all, about “his beloved self,” the man, nevertheless, is already taking direct steps to create a material basis for his future family. So he already finds himself in a second marriage, although he does not always understand it.
Getting used to the second house is always a blow to the first.
In this case, it is appropriate to answer the question of many wives about why their husbands, usually so stingy, so generously spend a lot of money on their mistress. It's about sex and habit. During his marriage, a man gets used to the idea that all his expenses on a woman are an investment in himself, because everything is in the house! He automatically transfers this behavioral stereotype to his mistress. In addition, since the instinct of reproduction is stronger than the instinct of self-preservation, many husbands simply do not allow the idea that their mistresses can appropriate everything given to them. Hence there are so many deceived and robbed lovers... However, let’s not feel sorry for them: we have to pay for everything with money. Including sex and education. Especially for training.
Life always teaches you for a fee. Sometimes the price to pay is not only property, but life itself.
The successful formation of an alternative family nest always leads to the creation of a second family home for a certain husband. Regardless of who owns it and whose money it is maintained on, he is always very welcome there! It is after a clear definition of a stable place for meetings that such a pleasant situation for a man arises, when a pretty girl always meets him with a smile on her lips, and sees him off with sadness and tears, with all her appearance inviting him to stay forever. If a couple comes to such a situation, it means that the situation becomes much more complicated for the man’s wife. If a couple does not form such a “love nest”, this love affair, with a high degree of probability, will be destroyed, “dissolved” even without any counter-action on the part of the wife.
A lover without her corner is a gift to his wife! Especially if the husband himself is not one of the rich. Most often, the wife will not even know about this relationship, since it will not develop into anything.
Step 5. Entanglement of a married man in a web of lies. Spending a lot of time with his mistress, investing money in her, the husband has to gradually increase the volume of his lies to his wife and children. Since he is forced to deceive them several times a week, and human memory is not unlimited, the husband begins to get confused in his own testimony: where he was, what he did, with whom he communicated. Afraid of accidentally letting it slip, the unfaithful husband tries to communicate less with his wife. Which, increasingly feeling the growing problems in the family, on the contrary, remembers absolutely everything that her husband tells her. Thus, the husband subsequently gives his wife more and more reasons for dissatisfaction with his behavior. Which will subsequently play a role in the showdown when the wife finds out about the betrayal. As a result, the husband himself worsens the moral and psychological climate in his family so much that, in contrast to them, the relationship with his mistress seems to him more and more frank, interesting and positive. Although in fact the relationship with the mistress may always be at the same level or even worsen, it is precisely against the backdrop of a decline in family relationships that they seem to the husband to be on the rise.
Step 6. The man develops a feeling of guilt in front of his mistress, a dulling of the feeling of guilt in front of his family. After the love affair has lasted from a year to three years, a decent, responsible man begins to increasingly feel his personal guilt for robbing his girlfriend of her life time. In saying this, there is an important caveat:
Only very responsible and decent men are willing to create long-term relationships with their mistress.
Other categories of men simply don’t do this! Male consumers generally have no desire to date someone for a long time. Moreover, they do not want to feel indebted to anyone. And smart women also don’t need relationships with such selfish men who take more than they give. Meanwhile, only patient and responsible girls can create long-term relationships. Of course, they are not always highly moral, but in any case, they are not fools. So it turns out that only very responsible and decent men who have met equally responsible and patient girls acquire long-term mistresses. Like ocean ships covered in shells, decent men sailing on the sea of life acquire many years of love affairs, the expediency of which is not always clear to them. But it is clear to all their women, both legal and illegal. All this is completely unsurprising and absolutely logical. The fact is that:
Only good husbands are always stable lovers.
After all, it was precisely for these qualities - responsibility, decency and kindness (often even controllability) that their current wives once chose them as their husbands! So if some women were ready to marry these men and strenuously married them to themselves, then the similar zeal in this matter of those other women who start from the starting position of mistresses is completely understandable. For the sake of honesty, it should be admitted that all legal wives can be divided into three categories:
– half defended their future husband from his former girlfriends and other competitors (including winning them away from his first wife);
– one third actually seduced him and helped him begin his intimate life for the first time;
- only another third themselves fell victim to very persistent courtship on the part of their husband.
That is why I affirm a thesis that may at first seem seditious to many:
Married men with long-term mistresses
At their core, they are still responsible and decent.
If anyone disagrees with the use of the concept “decent” in relation to cheating husbands, I will explain. In the broadest sense of the word, the term “decent” cannot be applied to any of the men who have at least once had intimate contact with a woman before marriage, and in our time such people are the absolute majority! From my point of view, as a psychologist, responsible and decent men are those who always strive to do good “for both ours and yours”: to conscientiously fulfill their duties as a husband and father both in the existing family and in front of the mistress for whom From some point in time (as it seems to him) he begins to bear responsibility. Which, in fact, the latter takes full advantage of.
It is precisely based on the clear understanding that husbands without bad habits, who diligently work for the good of the family should not be thrown away and given to anyone who wants to take advantage of them, that the author stubbornly dissuades women who have caught their husbands cheating from making quick decisions regarding divorce. I am convinced:
There is no need to give gifts to those who do not deserve them.From here, after a year or two or three, every decent married lover realizes with horror that he is stealing the best years of the life of the one who nevertheless connected her life with him, despite the fact that he is married. Moreover, every smart mistress will hammer into the head of her “married man” hundreds of times the idea that before that she would never have thought that she would date a married man, and even love him... But love is evil, and this married man is too painful he tried to make him fall in love with himself, and therefore took upon himself the required responsibility... Thus, the married man understands that he has very serious obligations to his mistress. And as mentioned above, these people are accustomed to fulfilling their obligations literally at any cost. The saddest thing is - including at the cost of both your own happiness and the happiness of your wife and children. This creates a sad paradox:These are no longer gifts, but a shameful tribute.
Now let's return to the original thought.
Admitting one's guilt is admitting one's responsibility.
Admitting responsibility is always a step towards compensation.
The optimal compensation for living without a family is either money,
Or, after all, creating a family with the one you love.
In a long-term love affair, the feeling of guilt in front of the mistress, from whom the best years of her life are stolen, is often stronger than the feeling of guilt in front of the wife, who actually gave her husband an even more significant part of her biography.
By the time the mistress (when - delicately and unobtrusively, and sometimes - openly and straightforwardly) declares to the married man that the years are passing, it is high time for her to give birth, and the man himself (in his words) is suffering from life with an unloved wife, he already deeply feels the loss of connection with his wife. A minimum of intimacy, and a boring one at that. Going out to the cinema and with friends - due to the need to maintain contact. Communication with my wife is only on the topic: what to buy, what to cook, how is the child doing? Moreover, most husbands do not feel any particular guilt for this deterioration, or rather, the formalization of relations with their wives. Moreover, the point is not at all that they have deteriorated and become hardened in soul. Not at all! As the experience of their experiences after a divorce shows, everything is in order with their souls and mental pain. It’s just that during a given period of time there is a certain psychological pattern at work:
For example, a wife with whom he has neither decent sex, nor pleasant leisure, nor plans to spend his retirement by the warm sea. She appears guilty to her husband, although he still remembers the time when everything was fine in the family. Therefore, the husband’s feeling of guilt towards his wife is relieved by pleasant erotic impressions from his girlfriend. But in front of a long-term mistress, with whom it is so pleasant to spend days and nights, the feeling of guilt for the lack of divorce proceedings and a new wedding gradually becomes unbearable.
As soon as a married man begins to feel awkward in front of his mistress, as soon as he begins to understand that the time has come to fulfill his vague promises “to be together someday, forever, forever,” he begins to think about the technical side of the process. This is already step number 7.
Step #7. Understanding by a married man that he is at a dead end. My observations show that not only after a year or two, but even after three to five to seven years of living in two families, married men are still in no hurry to divorce their wives. Delay in resolving this issue is always associated with the following ten circumstances, which can be called “first-order factors”:
Ten reasons to delay divorce
– A married man just can’t muster up the courage to tell his wife that he’s leaving her. Moreover, almost always he either still continues to love his wife, or in any case respects her as a person and the mother of his child. He may also experience feelings of jealousy towards his wife, especially at the thought that she might marry someone else.
– A married man experiences a feeling of acute discomfort at the thought that he will lose contact with his own children. Moreover, you also have to explain yourself to them. This is especially difficult if the children are still minors.
– A married man is ashamed in front of his parents and in-laws. Especially if he and his legal wife have a good relationship with them.
– A married man does not have significant financial resources to start a new family life with his mistress: buy another apartment, car, create a business, etc. Or his career and financial status worsened during the betrayal.
– A married man is seriously financially dependent on his wife. The apartment is hers, the car is hers, she has a higher income level, the business also partially belongs to her.
– A married man is generally financially wealthy, but he understands that the divorce process will take a lot of time and effort, after which he risks never returning to his existing level of comfort.
– A married man begins to understand that his mistress is not much different from his wife, and the advantages she has do not compensate for this shortcoming.
– The wife or child (or close relatives of the husband and wife) are seriously ill, the news of the approaching divorce can simply worsen their health or even kill them.
– The married man himself is seriously ill.
– The mistress herself is seriously ill or cannot get pregnant.
As you can see, if we are talking about the life of a completely ordinary married man, then a certain number of these factors necessarily take place, which ties him hand and foot. Hence, harshness and decisiveness in the matter of divorce is characteristic only of the following categories of married men:
– alcoholics and drug addicts who make decisions while under the influence of alcohol or drugs;
– rich men who have prepared in advance the financial basis for a beautiful divorce and a new marriage;
– men whose wife is unfaithful, has become an alcoholic and has degenerated, looks bad, has a truly intolerable character, and treats her husband and children extremely poorly;
– men whose wife has broken contact with her husband due to long-term residence with her parents, constant business trips, studies, advanced training, often going on vacation, for treatment, etc.;
– men whose wife refuses to give birth to another child (or cannot give birth in principle), but his mistress is already pregnant;
– loser men if the mistress is noticeably richer and more successful than his wife.
These factors can be called “second order factors”.
If “second-order factors” are absent, and “first-order factors,” on the contrary, are present, a sane married man, for obvious reasons, delays the moment of taking his step into the unknown. Of course, his mistress doesn't like this very much. She wants to see her married lover be more active in resolving an issue that is so significant to her. Realizing this, the married man begins to voice out loud some semi-specific deadlines for notifying his wife that he is filing for divorce. Type:
“This year my daughter will finish attending kindergarten, go to school and then...”
“In three months my son will receive a passport and then...”
“My daughter will go to university this summer and then...”
“This fall we will finish building the second apartment (house) and then...”
“After the New Year, my income will increase and then...”
Etc., etc. However, more often than not, married men still do not keep their promises, they keep dragging on and on. This particular moment in time is the point of bifurcation, the sharpest peak for determining the fate of the entire love triangle. If the wife does the right thing and the mistress makes a mistake, the husband will return to the bosom of the family with a feeling of great satisfaction. Moreover, he will cross himself with relief that God has taken him away. If the wife makes a mistake and the mistress does everything right, her chances, although not one hundred percent, will increase noticeably. But, most importantly: as soon as a married man begins to openly delay the practical implementation of the seemingly long-voiced and hard-won decision to divorce, as a rule, two things happen:
– or the husband, morally tired of his double life, begins to make behavioral mistakes that will certainly lead to his wife discovering the affair;
- or a smart lover understands that she will have to rely only on herself in this matter. And either she herself leaves the man, who turned out to be too indecisive, or she herself begins to act so that his wife finds out about her existence. Her move in this direction will be step No. 8.
Step #8. The wife learns that her husband has a long-term mistress. Listing the main mistakes of a mistress, we said that she should not reveal her relationship to his wife too early. However, as soon as the love relationship stabilized, lasted more than a year or two, but it became clear that the man who was hooked on women’s charms was still scared and painful to leave the family, the mistress was forced to take action. And there are some nuances here.
In this scenario, the wife takes the lion's share of the blame for the destruction of the family, the unfaithful husband turns into the “injured party,” and the mistress has nothing to do with it at all. To get this ideal result for homewreckers, first of all, they need to inform their lover’s wife about their presence. All means are good for this. For example:
– an informative call to the wife, allegedly on behalf of the husband’s work colleague;
– posting joint photos with a married man on the Internet;
– a lot of calls, SMS in the evening, video or photo recorded or sent to the phone with one’s own participation (especially erotic);
– a persistent requirement to go out to public places (or to various public events) where the couple will clearly be seen;
– provoking a man to have sex in a place and at a time when the lovers can be caught by the wife, other relatives, acquaintances and work colleagues;
– smearing a lover with lipstick, showering him with her hair, rubbing her body and face with such various glitter that will definitely be noticeable on a man to his wife, leaving “scratches of wild passion” on his back and shoulders, etc.;
– placing a briefcase of incriminating items on a man’s office table, in the interior of a car, in the pockets of his clothes: condoms, combs, bottles of perfume, bracelets, earrings, rings, love notes, photographs, etc.;
- giving him in the form of gifts those various items that will make his wife think (wallets, ties, watches, briefcases, key rings, telephones, diaries, books, cufflinks, souvenirs, etc. Especially with touching inscriptions engraved on them like “To my beloved from N...");
– directly placing a frame with your photograph on his desk in the office;
– accompanying a man from and to work (it is especially effective to give him a ride by car);
– visiting his apartment in the absence of his wife, privacy in the office at lunchtime and in the evening;
- feeding him in such a way at work and during personal evening meetings that when he comes home, the man is physically unable to eat anything his wife has prepared;
– getting to know the man’s children, his parents, relatives, friends.
Etc., etc. In the presence of a task “to detect a connection,” no matter how careful the man is, no matter how he tries to exclude the possibility of his puncture, thanks to the direct or indirect help of his mistress, the wife will still find out everything. After an explosion of emotions occurs in the family, when the angry screams and tears subside, there is even some relief in the man’s soul: “From now on, the wife knows everything! Finally, you can no longer hide and fuss! Lord, no matter how much it hurts me, being discovered is still for the best.” So it’s time for step #9.
Step #9. Moral support for a lover in his conflict with his wife. When everything secret becomes clear, every third husband who cheated on his wife leaves his family home and leaves. Where he goes and why was discussed in the first chapters of the book, so I will not repeat myself. Another approximately 15-20% of husbands are hesitant and may leave home within a few weeks. About half of men stubbornly continue to live at home, even having morally decided to divorce. Many people at this time repent of what they have done and try to reconcile with their wife. During this difficult period of life, most mistresses have to morally support men of absolutely all of these categories. Why everyone, and not just those who leave home? Because “will the intrigue go away forever or will it remain?” persists for a long period of time, sometimes up to a year.
The strategy for supporting unfaithful husbands can be different. Some mistresses try to behave emphatically nobly, declaring: “Darling, if your family is so important to you, I can sacrifice myself for this... Leave me and live on as if we had nothing...”. Thus, they avoid responsibility for what is happening and count on the fact that their external readiness for self-sacrifice for the sake of a loved one will give them additional bonuses.
Others artificially inflame their lovers with phrases like: “Do you really deserve to be treated like this?!” How could your wife throw you out the door after you have been a completely worthy husband and father for so many years?! It’s not enough that you have another woman, absolutely everyone has them... I confess: when you complained to me about your wife, I didn’t believe you, I thought that you were deceiving. However, now I really see what a terrible vixen she is! I'm very, very sorry for you. As a man, husband and father, you deserve a better life. To the best of my humble ability, I will try to make your life brighter and kinder!”
Still others, especially the girls from among those who criticized the man’s wife long before the discovery of the affair, state with satisfaction: “Well, just what I always told you about happened, but you didn’t believe me: you were insulted and kicked out! You'll see, they'll take away the apartment too! And then all your life you will pay her money so that she can roll around like cheese in butter... It was high time to leave her! I tell you the right things, but you always don’t listen to me...”
Whatever the support strategies, they have the same essence: to convince a married man who has experienced severe stress (no matter how many years he prepares for a decisive conversation with his wife, no one is ever fully prepared for this!) that everything that happened was completely not a tragedy! Moreover, a scandal with his wife is just the start of a new family life, which will be much better than the previous one. First of all, because now next to this man there will be a much better girl than before! Therefore, there is no reason for grief or binge drinking, it’s time to act: file for divorce, get married and have new children!
The height of moral support is the lover’s statement of her readiness to accept the man leaving the family: in her own home, her parents’ apartment, rented housing, or even a dormitory. Or rent some shared housing together. Hence, the completion of this stage will be the relocation of the husband who left the family to the “woman of his dreams.”
Step #10. Creating comfortable living conditions for the fugitive husband in his new place of residence that would not be inferior to the conditions of his life in the family. This step is key. No matter how much a man loves his mistress, no matter how sexy, rich or businesslike she is, no matter how much his wife has offended him, no matter how emotional or principled a husband may be - over a period of a week to a year, he still will come to his senses, his level of adequacy will noticeably increase. And the entire final outcome of this invisible to the world struggle of two women for one husband depends on what he sees around him precisely at the moment of clearing his consciousness. Hence, these women are faced with very specific tasks: The priority task of the mistress is to, after discovering infidelity and the man who left the family moves in with her, not to turn into a classic wife for as long as possible, but to behave exactly like a mistress. Until the moment of divorce and the creation of a new marriage, strictly fulfill all the “ten commandments of a successful mistress.” If she takes on the role of a wife too quickly and begins to demand too much from a man who is stressed or depressed, he will definitely break down mentally. It will break even if the mistress becomes pregnant to celebrate. A broken man will either return back to the family, or will not go to any of the women at all, starting a new life, or will cease to satisfy the interests of the mistress herself and she will personally escort the morally worn-out husband back to his wife. Therefore, the transformation of a mistress into a wife should not happen all at once (which will immediately scare a man away from her), but gradually and in a very measured and careful manner.
The wife's priority is to to prove to the husband that his mistress has such obvious defects in her behavior that the husband simply has not yet had time to see and realize, and the wife herself may well rebuild her behavior, turn out to be competitive in comparison with his passion, and also create comfortable conditions for her husband existence. Including moral and psychological ones. The faster the wife achieves this, the faster and longer the husband will return to the family. At the same time, we are not talking about the enraged wife also immediately starting to follow all the ten commandments of her mistress! Although, of course, you will have to take something from there. But the main thing is that in this difficult life situation the wife shows herself to her hesitant or abandoned husband not only as a wife, but also as a woman!
I emphasize: namely, a wife and a woman at the same time! The fact is that most wives who find out that their husband has a serious love affair mistakenly begin to play the role of a deceived and abandoned unfortunate mother. Hence, they either try to bring their husband home at any cost, sinking to the extreme level of humiliation. Or, on the contrary, they are definitely pushing him for divorce, trying to squeeze the maximum amount of material assets and alimony out of her unfaithful husband. Of course, angry wives can be understood, but it is important to see something else: no matter how much a man loves his child, no matter how his wife plays on it, most often he understands: his mistress is able to give birth to other children! If the wife also makes such a grave mistake as starting to turn the child/children against the father, then she will lose him to a high degree. This is because the role of a wife and woman is noticeably broader than the role of a mother, because the role of a wife automatically includes the role of a sexual woman, the role of a housewife, and the role of a mother. The wife’s narrowing of her status during the period of struggle for her husband to the role of only a mother creates successful starting conditions for such an intelligent mistress, who, to her role of a beloved, sexy and good-looking woman, can gradually add the image of a caring wife-housewife, and then a mother. We'll talk about this later. Now something else is important:
This is the whole main intrigue of the behavior of the wife and mistress in the period after the wife discovered the fact of infidelity on the part of her husband. Whoever behaves as rationally as possible will get a husband. Of course, if this desire does not decrease to zero in the abandoned wife in the process of carrying out this struggle. After all, a noticeably improved wife can easily count on a better husband! However, this is a completely different story. Which we leave outside the scope of this book, since the author immediately stated his position that the purpose of this book is to equip with the necessary data precisely those wives who strive to reserve the right to dispose of their husbands only for themselves.
