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Mark Goulston: How to talk to motherfuckers. How to talk to m * daks. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life Mark Goulston How to talk to m * duck. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life

What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life

Basic principles of dealing with psychos

To reach irrational people, you need to know why they behave this way.

Also, you need to understand why reasoned discussion and logical reasoning don't work, as opposed to empathy and immersion in the problem.

We understand the crazy

Having worked as a psychiatrist for decades, I can say that I understand madmen, including deeply sick people. What I mean? For example, one of my patients was chasing Britney Spears, and another jumped from the fifth floor because he believed he could fly. Another called me one day from a prison in the Dominican Republic and told me that he got there, intending to start a revolution. In addition, I have worked with anorexic patients who weighed less than 40 kilograms, heroin addicts and schizophrenic patients experiencing hallucinations. I taught negotiators how to get the hostage-taking terrorists to surrender. Now I am showing company directors and top managers how to deal with people who threaten their business. Simply put, the abnormal and I have long ago switched to "you".

But recently an interesting thought came to me: I expect to meet a psycho every day, because this is my job. However, I suddenly realized how often you have to deal with crazy people - not jumping out of balconies or intimidating Britney Spears, but those whom I call everyday loonies.

An insight hit me when I went to a meeting of developers and their lawyers who needed advice on helping families in a crisis. I expected a boring meeting, but their stories fascinated me. I found that these people “talk to crazy people” every day - just like me! Almost every situation discussed involved clients who were completely insane. These lawyers had no problem drawing up a will or trust fund. But they didn’t know what to do if the client turned into a psycho - and they desperately wanted to know.

That's when it dawned on me that everyone, including you, is facing this problem. I would argue that almost every day you encounter at least one irrational person. For example, this is a boss who demands the impossible. A picky parent, an aggressive teenager, a manipulative colleague, or a yelling neighbor, a crying in love, or an absurd client with unfounded claims.

That's what this book is about: how do you talk to psychos. Speaking of the word "psycho": I understand that it sounds provocative and politically incorrect. But, when I use it, I do not mean mentally ill people (although mental disorders, of course, provoke insane behavior - see). Also, I do not use the word "psycho" to stigmatize this or that group of people. Because any of us at some point is capable of behaving like crazy. By "crazy" or "crazy" I mean that the person is behaving irrationally. There are four signs that the people you are dealing with are irrational:

1) they do not have a clear picture of the world;

2) they say or do things that don't make sense;

3) they make decisions or take actions not in their own interests;

4) when you try to put them back on the path of prudence, they become completely unbearable.

In this book, I'll share my best practices for reaching irrational people. I have resorted to these methods to reconcile feuding colleagues and save marriages, and you too can use them to keep under control the people around you who have lost their adequacy.

Instructions on dealing with unbearable people, how to deal with people who threaten business. The author explains how to gain control over irrational people and how to deal with reckless clients, manipulative colleagues and crazy bosses.

What to DO with liars and manipulators

Feel free of guilt

It happens that we suddenly realize that we are suffering in a relationship with an irrational person simply because we do not want to drop ourselves in our own eyes. We are too scared to admit that bad thoughts have long been wandering in our heads like “I hate you and I want you to disappear” or “if you would rather die, otherwise I’ll die”.

It is important to realize that having such thoughts in itself is normal and does not make you bad, but it a sign that it is time to stop communicating with an irrational person.

Don't even think about continuing the relationship - just go away.

It is possible that the person will try to get you back.

If so, use the following guidelines:

- Don't react. Don't let yourself think that this person's problems are your area of responsibility or the result of your mistakes. Repeat to yourself: "This is his point of view, his problem, his responsibility."

- Don't risk it. Don't give this person any chance to misrepresent your words and make you guilty or responsible for the situation.

- Don't reanimate. Do not allow situations in which the person would try to revive your relationship and start manipulating you again. Once you start using these principles, go all the way. At first, the irrational person will most likely try to drag you into the relationship again, but if you don’t give in, he will eventually switch to another victim.

Personality Disorder Test

A quick way to recognize a person suffering from personality disorder, and it's not difficult to use it even on a date, even when applying for a job.

Ask your interviewee what has annoyed, upset, or frustrated them in the past, and try to understand who they think is guilty.

Does he say something like:

"I shouldn't have given up painting"?

Or formulates it differently:

“I wanted to be an artist, but neither my parents nor my first wife supported me”? If a person suffers from a personality disorder, they will likely begin to blame others - and it will be clear to you that it is not worth continuing the relationship.

Six main types of people with personality disorders

Hysteroid:

people of this type need increased attention; it is unpleasant for them when someone else is in the center. Such people perceive those around them as spectators who have gathered to contemplate the next drama.

Narcissistic:

these people consider themselves the center of the universe. Try talking to them about your interests or needs and they will immediately get bored or even angry. They expect special treatment from everyone and do not even think that they are burdening others with it.

Dependent:

irrational people sometimes become emotionally dependent, but now I'm talking about those who are constantly dependent on others. They need support: they are not able to make a single decision, they are not ready to act on their own, they are afraid to be left alone.

Paranoid:

such people need to constantly know where you are going, when you will return, and with whom you are spending time. No matter how hard you try to assure them of your loyalty, they are unable to trust.

Borderline:

such people live in a state of permanent crisis, they are constantly afraid that you will leave them or begin to control them. And so they idealize you and sometimes hate you. The best sign that you have BPD is your constant fear of upsetting and pissing him off, because when this happens, he or she reacts disproportionately to the problem.

Sociopathic:

at first, such people often make a very pleasant impression, but they are not capable of compassion and sympathy, they are not familiar with the reproaches of conscience. It seems to them that they have every right to do whatever they want to achieve what they want, they do not care about your feelings, and they, without hesitation, hurt you if it suits them.

Don't hang out with psychos if you can

Instead, consider whether you should continue to communicate with the person suffering from personality disorder at all.

Are there any reasons to stay in a relationship if this person is able to draw all the strength out of you?

You will not keep money in a deposit account if the bank stopped charging interest, would you?

Surely you decide to take the money to another bank, where you will be offered reasonable conditions.

The conclusion from our reasoning is as follows:

If you haven't invested too much in the relationship with the person with personality disorder yet, consider whether it might be wiser to end it altogether.

I endlessly have to deal with such people - but this is my job. If you don't have a good enough reason, take care of yourself.

How to respond to an irrational attack - just be silent

When an irrational person attacks, your first instinct is to hit back. But it won't work.

So don't consider this an attack.

Change your attitude by stopping and saying to yourself: "A great opportunity to show composure."

Then shout or swear at the interlocutor properly - to yourself, not out loud! - using any suitable words. Then don't do anything.

Just take a break.

Then think again:

If the amygdala continues to bite at the bit, you can silently yell at yourself.

For example, say something like, "Mark, I didn't give a damn about this self-control, let's just check this damn thing!"

Then take a deep breath and repeat: "A great opportunity to exercise self-control."

At this point, your interlocutor is already waiting when you get into a defensive stance and start screaming, crying, or running away.

When none of this happens, he is disarmed.

Now look your opponent directly in the eyes and say, bewildered, but without anger: "So so so. And what was it? "

Let the other person verbally pour out on you again.

And then say something like this: “I can’t say that I like your tone, but I still don’t want to miss anything: what exactly are you trying to convey to me?”

“Not your best performance, but tell me what do you want me to do or stop doing so that this conversation does not happen again?”

At some point, if you keep your composure, your interlocutor will understand that wild bucking no longer works.

You can now turn the conversation on more positive ground. Even if you don’t get to talk to a crazy person on that particular day, you will be proud of your behavior.

How to recover from a madman's victory - apologize

If the conversation with the madman does not go according to plan and you lose control, it is possible that you have said or done a lot of hurtful things.

If so, you should sincerely apologize.

It's very difficult - and yes, I know that it seems completely dishonest... Because, from your point of view, the irrational person himself drove you to a breakdown.

However, apologizing will disarm him and make you feel better.

So walk up to the person and say, "I would like to apologize for being so vulnerable and sensitive to your words."

Most likely, something else interesting will happen. The person may turn to you and say, "I know my actions disappoint you too."

From now on, your conversation will veer into a completely different direction. I understand that this behavior seems unfair to you.

It's not you who are screaming, you are not crying, you are not saying terrible things to another.

Usually, in the course of the confrontation between rational and emotional clients in my office, it turns out that at some point the logical partner, consciously or unconsciously, deeply offended his more sensitive soul mate with coldness, arrogance, reprimand, disdain, or mocking ridicule.

This means that both sides are guilty and each of them should apologize. I'm just asking you to do it first.

Help the "splitter" accept rejection

The Splitters are a reflection of the entire Western civilization.

In other cultures, people often hear “no” and learn to live with it. But we are not accustomed to the fact that our desires are not taken into account.

Splitting is a form of manipulation where the splitter tries to drag you into a game on their side against the person who turned him down.

EThis is a dirty game that can destroy the relationship between two people being pitted against.

Action plan:

If someone tells you a story about the betrayal of someone they trusted, check the facts. If you think splitting is going on, show the other person that you figured out his trick.

Then talk to him about how to deal with disappointment. without falling apart and without stigmatizing other people.

If a similar situation has arisen at the workplace, save time for all parties to the conflict and call the person who answered “no” while the interlocutor is in your office. If possible, transfer the call to speakerphone.

This way you will avoid playing with the "spoiled phone" and quickly determine whether the interlocutor is exaggerating and whether he understood all the facts correctly.

Ask yourself a question: "How sane is the person who said no to my interlocutor?"

If there is even a small chance that the person is irrational or aggressive, consider this. If not, then you are dealing with a "splitter".
Pause.

Then look at the interlocutor with an innocent and surprised look and say:

“Before I take any position, maybe you can explain to me why this person answered you“ no ”? What exactly did you tell him? We both know him, and he usually behaves intelligently. He wouldn't hurt you for no reason. "

At this point, the "splitter" is often indignant:

“You're both the same. Always take each other's side. "

Here's what I said to a family member who was literally paralyzed by the prospect of hearing no:

“The better you deal with failure, the higher your expectations will be. If the word “no” becomes just a minor nuisance for you, you can dream about anything. But if every refusal knocks you off your feet, your dreams will always be limited. "

A similar conversation requires patience and tact, but by the end you will have achieved three goals.

Firstly, you will support the side of the person who said no.

Secondly, show the "splitter" that you have solved his game. And thirdly, and most importantly, you will help the “splitter” to understand that “no” is not the end of the world. Help the person accept the rejection, and he will no longer want to manipulate people to hear "yes."

Flatter the know-it-alls for your own good

All know-it-alls play tag. Their version of the rules is as follows: I have insulted you (devaluing or humiliating), but you cannot insult me (because my confidence in my own splendor is unshakable).

This game cannot be won, so don't start playing it.

Instead, do something that the know-it-all doesn't expect: agree that he is incredibly smart. Flatter how well he understands everything.

Use the following epithets: wise, thoughtful, intelligent, brilliant, outstanding.

And then say what you want to say: "People would appreciate your intelligence if you didn't make them hate you."

So your words will correspond to this person's picture of the world, and the bitter pill will be easier to swallow. If the know-it-all is already in your livers, then such flattery will have to be spoken with reluctance.

But the trick is to focus on the end goal: to make the person behave better. If you achieve this with flattery, then the game is worth the candle.

The more you flatter the know-it-all, the less likely he is to humiliate you:

If you have to work with a know-it-all, determine in which areas he is truly a professional.
When you meet him, start with the following information.

For example, say:

- "You have an amazing talent";

- "You are our best designer";

- "Your ideas are fresh and new";

- "You have a great sense of color";

- "Your last presentation is just great."

For example, say: “Our junior designers have so much to learn from you. But when you sarcastically or abruptly cut them off, they walk away from communication, which means that they are not getting the potential benefit. I think if you could find a way to speak to them as a teacher and not as a critic, they would have learned a lot more from you. ".

Always deny manipulators

Manipulators are a special kind of madman.

Their behavior does not work in the long run as most people turn away from them. But it is very good in the short term, and such people do not see beyond their own noses.

The manipulators try to turn their problems into yours and they will succeed if you let them. They will squeeze you out emotionally and sometimes financially. And no matter how much you help them, they will come next week (or even the next day) to help you with the next problem.

In the book I Hear Through You, I suggested techniques for getting rid of manipulators.

Wait for them to ask you to do something for them and answer:

“I'll be glad to help you. Here's what you can do for me. "

This works great with small manipulators, but often doesn't work against true professionals.

In the latter case, you will need a more powerful weapon. I know of two approaches to such manipulators. I call them "resolute refusal" and "polite refusal". If you are naturally gentle, use the second option. But, if you have the courage and you are not afraid of confrontation, do your best to use the first method.

Decisive refusal

Imagine an emotionally dependent human manipulator.

Let his name be John. John turns to you every day for a week, whines or becomes completely limp and asks or even demands that you help him solve his problems.

Once again, when John does this, do the following:

Let him speak, blame someone, moan, or complain - Pause. - Say: "Well, either everything will be fine, or everything will be bad, or everything will remain so, or none of the above options." - Let him speak and groan again. (And he will whine, because he will be upset that the manipulation did not work.) - Pause. - Say: “Oh, I'm sorry. Or the answer will be different. And what is this answer, I do not know. " - Let him complain and moan more. “Pause.” Say, “I don’t think I can help here. I hope everything works out. I'm sorry but I have to go". “If John needs the last word, don’t resist. Then say goodbye and leave (or hang up).

Here is the decisive rejection option that I use. It is similar to the one above.

I say this: “I see. Now what? "

While the person is whining, I notice, “It looks like there is a lot to be done, so it would be good to start dealing with this early. What will you do first? "

If the whining continues, I answer: "Well, I'll go and tell you later what you decided to do about it."

After that, I calmly leave.

Help the "crooked mirror" win the approval of the bosses

Nothing deprives directors and managers of the respect of their subordinates more than manipulation by those whom I call "crooked mirrors." You know who I mean.

Here's what these people do:

Communicate well with higher-ranking colleagues;

They rub into the credibility of their superiors by surreptitiously providing "intelligence";

Win the love of bosses by providing personal services that often benefit the boss himself rather than the company;

Substitute more competent colleagues by slandering them;

Manipulate bosses who are poorly versed in people;

They are much more successful in coping with "political games" than with their immediate responsibilities;

Seem to be more capable of superior peers than peers or subordinates;

Mainly concerned with their own safety rather than the needs of others, including the needs of the boss they are courting;

Do not accept accusations or criticism of their actions (or inaction);

They are afraid of those who show high results, because their own incompetence is so visible;

Hide their inappropriate and hypocritical behavior by blaming others, apologizing, or minimizing criticism from others;

Nothing stops them when they try to hide their dishonest behavior.

"Crooked mirrors" break through only in those companies where there are weak points.

And often the weak point turns out to be an impeccable chef, whom such people can easily charm and manage.

Such bosses often hide any serious flaws, and they are afraid that this information will be revealed. Many of them have unrivaled charm and charisma, but they lack the business acumen. By providing cover and feeding their egos, crooked mirrors give these bosses the feeling that they are more competent and admirable than they really are.

What can you do if you show excellent results and thereby pose a threat to the "distorting mirror", which is trying to discredit you with its manipulations?

Unfortunately, if the manipulator has already charmed the boss, you are unlikely to change his mind.

You have as many chances to turn the situation in your favor as to convince a parent who has been blinded by love that their "sweet boy" is lying and stealing.

There is one method based on the fact that a "crooked mirror" has two purposes: flatter the boss and cover up your own incompetence.

The trick here is to help the crooked mirror achieve both goals. However, I warn you: do not use this method until you have thought of all the details, including how the situation could turn against you. In particular, evaluate how it will affect your relationships with other colleagues.

You will never make a "distorting mirror" your friend or ally, because you will always be more competent, which means that you will always remain a threat. But if you show that able to help him achieve his goals, then from the category of enemies you will move to the category of "friends-enemies", which will make such a person less dangerous.

Action plan:

Think about what this person is really really good at. Everyone, even the most incompetent, has some kind of talent or ability.

Think about how this trait can benefit your company.
Brainstorm this opportunity with the crooked mirror.
Help the mirror make a plan and stick to it.

Find a way to draw the attention of superiors to what is happening so that the "mirror" is praised.

Remember that such a person is able to sense a catch and think about why you would help him if he is constantly trying to set you up. If asked, be prepared to answer. Published.

From the book "How to Talk to Assholes" by the famous psychiatrist Mark Goulston.

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we are changing the world! © econet

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Mark Goulston
How to talk to m * daks. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life

Mark goulston

Talking to crazy

How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life

Published with permission from AMACOM, a division of the American Management Association, International

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

I can hear right through you

Effective negotiation technique!

Mark Goulston

Don't work with m * duck

And what if they're around you

Robert Sutton

It is so customary for them

How to shake hands correctly, shut up in time, work with m * daks and other important skills that no one has ever taught you

Ross McCummon

How to talk to anyone

Confident communication in any situation

Mark Rhodes

Dedicated to the blessed memory of Warren Bennis 1
Warren Bennis (1925–2014) psychologist, consultant and leadership guru, author of books on the topic. See, for example, the Russian edition: Bennis W., Thomas R. How they become leaders. M .: Williams, 2006. Approx. ed.
Who, five minutes after meeting me, made it clear that he would never hurt me. I admire this quality and try to adopt it.

Part 1
Basic principles of dealing with psychos

To reach irrational people, you need to know why they behave this way.

Also, you need to understand why reasoned discussion and logical reasoning don't work, as opposed to empathy and immersion in the problem.

Chapter 1
We understand the crazy

But recently an interesting thought came to me: I expect to meet a psycho every day, because this is my job. However, I suddenly realized how often you have to deal with crazy people - not jumping off balconies or intimidating Britney Spears, but those whom I call everyday loonies.

That's what this book is about: how do you talk to psychos. By the way about the word "psycho": I understand that it sounds provocative and politically incorrect. But when I use it, I am not referring to mentally ill people (although mental disorders, of course, provoke insane behavior - see part 5). Also, I do not use the word "psycho" to stigmatize this or that group of people. Because any of us at some point is capable of behaving like crazy. By "crazy" or "crazy" I mean that the person is behaving irrationally. There are four signs that the people you are dealing with are irrational:

1) they do not have a clear picture of the world;

2) they say or do things that don't make sense;

3) they make decisions or take actions not in their own interests;

4) when you try to put them back on the path of prudence, they become completely unbearable.

Key: Become a Psycho yourself

The tools I'll be talking about take courage to use. Because you won't just ignore the psychos and wait for them to leave. You will not argue with them or try to convince them. Instead, you will have to feel crazy and start acting the same way.

Years ago, someone told me what to do when the dog grabbed your arm. If you trust your instincts and pull your hand back, the dog will sink its teeth even deeper. But if you use a non-obvious solution and push your hand deeper into the throat, the dog will loosen its grip. Why? Because the dog wants to swallow, for which he needs to relax the jaw. This is where you pull out your hand.

You can interact with irrational people in a similar way. If you treat them like they are crazy and you are not, they will only sink deeper into crazy thoughts. But if you yourself start acting like a nutcase, it will dramatically change the situation. Here's an example.

After one of the most disgusting days of my life, on the way home, I focused on the trouble that had befallen me and drove the car on autopilot. Unfortunately for me, all of this happened during an extremely dangerous rush hour for California. At some point, I accidentally cut a pickup truck in which a big man and his wife were sitting. He honked angrily and I waved my hand to show that I apologize. But then - just a couple of kilometers later - I cut it again.

Then the man overtook me and abruptly stopped the truck in front of my car, forcing me to pull over to the side of the road. When I slowed down, I saw his wife gesturing frantically, asking him not to get out of the car.

Of course, he did not pay attention to her and after a few moments was already on the road - under two meters in height and weighing 140 kilograms. He abruptly approached me and began to knock on the glass, shouting curses.

I was so overwhelmed that I even lowered the glass to hear it. Then I waited for him to pause to pour more bile over me afterwards. And when he paused to catch his breath, I told him, “Have you ever had such a terrible day that you just hoped that someone would pull out a gun, shoot you, and end all suffering? Is this someone you? "

His jaw dropped. "What?" - he asked.

Up to this point, I have behaved very stupidly. But suddenly I did something brilliant. In some incredible way, despite my clouded mind, I said exactly what was needed.

I did not try to come to an agreement with this frightening man - most likely, instead of answering, he would have pulled me out of the car and hit me in the face with his huge fist. I didn't try to resist. I just got as crazy and hit him with his own weapon.

He stared at me and I spoke again: “Yes, I'm serious. I don't usually cut people, and I never cut someone twice before. It's just that today is such a day when it doesn't matter what I do or who I meet - including you! - everything goes awry. Will you become the person who will mercifully end my existence? "

He immediately changed, calmed down and began to cheer me up: “Hey. What are you, boy, - he said. - Everything will be OK. Honestly! Relax, everyone has bad days. "

I continued my tirade: “It's easy for you to say! You didn't ruin everything you touched today, unlike me. I don’t think that anything will be good for me. Will you help me?" He continued enthusiastically: “No, really. I am not kidding! Everything will be alright. Have a rest". We talked for a few more minutes. Then he returned to the truck, said something to his wife and waved me in the mirror, as if to say: “Remember. Calm down. Everything will be fine". And he left.

Now I am not proud of this story. To be honest, the guy in the pickup truck wasn't the only irrational person on the road that day. But here's what I'm getting at. That big guy could have knocked my lungs off. And, perhaps, I would have done it if I tried to reason with him or argue with him. But I met him in his reality where I was bad man and he had every reason to hit me. Instinctively using a technique that I call aggressive submission(see chapter 8), I turned him from enemy to ally in less than a minute.

Fortunately, my reaction was natural, even on that really bad day. This happened because, over the years as a psychiatrist, I put myself in the shoes of madmen. I've done this thousands of times, in many different ways, and I knew it worked.

Moreover, I know it will work for you too. The psycho mask is a strategy you can use with any irrational person. For example, to talk:

With a partner who yells at you or refuses to talk to you;

With a child screaming "I hate you!" or “I hate myself!”;

With an aging parent who thinks you don't give a damn about him;

With an employee who is constantly limp at work;

With a manager who tries to hurt you all the time.

It doesn't matter what type of psychos you are dealing with - learning to go crazy yourself will allow you to get rid of failed communication strategies and get through to people. As a result, you will be able to get involved in almost any emotional situation and feel confident and in control of everything.

A cycle of prudence instead of a fight-or-flight policy

Keep in mind that you will have to consciously get used to the role of a psycho, because your body does not want you to behave this way. When you interact with an irrational person, your body sends you signals warning you of danger. Pay attention to this somehow and see for yourself: the throat is constricted, the pulse quickens, your stomach or head begins to ache. For such a physiological reaction, it is sometimes enough just to name the name of an unpleasant acquaintance.

It's your reptile brain (see chapter 2) that says you must attack or run. But, if the irrational person is part of your personal or professional life, none of the instinctive reactions will help solve the problem.

I'm going to teach you how to work with madness in a completely different way using a six-step process. I call it the “cycle of prudence” (Figure 1.1).

Rice. 1.1. The cycle of prudence

Here's what you need to do at each step of this cycle.

1. Understand that the person with whom you are faced, in this situation, is not able to think rationally. Realize that the deep roots of his irrationality lie rather in the distant (or not very distant) past, and not in the present moment, so now you can hardly argue or convince him.

2. Determine modus operandi another person - a unique set of actions to which he resorts, being not in himself. His strategy is to throw you off balance, make you angry, afraid, frustrated, or guilty. Once you understand the course of action, you will feel calmer, more focused, and in control of the situation, and you will be able to choose the appropriate counter-strategy.

3. Realize that insane behavior does not concern you. But it says a lot about the person you are dealing with. If you stop taking his words personally, you will deprive your opponent of an important weapon. At the same time, use the necessary psychological tools during the conversation, they will keep you from falling into madness. These tools will help you avoid “amygdala hijacking,” an intense emotional response to a sudden threat. The term, coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, describes a condition in which the amygdala, the part of your brain that is responsible for the formation of fear, blocks rational thinking.

4. Talk to an irrational person, plunging into the world of his madness, calmly and objectively. First, take the person's innocence for granted. This means that you have to believe that the person is actually kind, and there is a reason for his behavior. Try not to condemn, but to understand what became this reason. Second, imagine that you are experiencing the same emotions: aggression, misunderstanding, threat.

5. Show that you are an ally, not an enemy: calmly and carefully listen to the person while he blows off steam. Instead of interrupting, let him speak. So you surprise the person who is waiting for a retaliatory attack and get closer to him. You can even apologize. And the more carefully and sensitively you reflect the emotions of your opponent, the sooner he himself will begin to listen to you.

6. When the person has calmed down, help him to take more intelligent actions.

These steps are the foundation of most of the psychological techniques I will teach you (although variations are possible: for example, when dealing with bullies, manipulators, or psychopaths).

However, keep in mind that going through the cycle of prudence with an irrational person is not always easy and fun, and this technique does not always work instantly. And, as with everything in our life, there is a risk that it will not work at all (and there is even a possibility that the situation will worsen). But, if you are trying desperately to reach out to someone who is difficult or impossible to control, this method is probably the best choice.

But before moving on to my methods of dealing with psychos, I would like to talk a little about why people act irrationally. We will first look at what is happening in their brains at the moment, and then - what happened to them in the past.

Chapter 2
Recognizing the mechanism of insanity

To successfully talk to psychos, you need to understand why irrational people behave this way. And the first step in that direction is to admit that they are a lot more nutty than you thought.

Take a moment to think about people with mental illness - schizophrenic or delusional depression. Do you understand that talking will not help solve the problems of these patients? It would never occur to you to tell them, "Hey, do you understand that really is not the Antichrist?" or "Your life isn't so bad, so take the gun out of your mouth and go mow the lawn."

However, I think that this is how you communicate with everyday psychos. For some reason it seems to you that you can easily reason with them. For example, you probably use phrases like this.

"Calm down - you're overreacting."

"That doesn't make any sense."

“You can't really believe it. Here are the facts. "

"Come back to earth, this is complete nonsense!"

"Wait ... how did you even think of this?"

I'm sure you've come across a popular definition of a madman: a person who repeats the same actions over and over again, expecting a new result. Well, if you constantly communicate with psychos like I described above, without receiving the expected answer, but hoping for it, you should know: in fact, you are also not yourself.

Why, you ask? Because everyday insanity, like real psychosis, cannot be cured by ordinary conversations. It does not operate with facts or logic. The psycho, despite your attempts to convince him, is still unable to suddenly change his behavior. The madmen do not refuse to change it, they cannot do it. Most people who behave irrationally cannot even be called sick, but like true psychopaths, they are incapable of rational thinking. This is because the reason for this behavior is a mismatch in the brain (more precisely, in the three brain structures), and the mismatched brain cannot normally respond to the arguments of the mind.

Scientific basis of madness

To understand psychos, you need to know at least a general outline of how insanity develops. Now I will talk a little about the work of consciousness and how we go crazy.

First, thinking requires three parts of the brain. These three structures are interrelated, but often operate autonomously. Sometimes they are at enmity with each other. Under the influence of stress, they sometimes lose touch. If the stress is too strong, communication between parts of the brain always stops. And often re-tuning of connections occurs in such a way that irrational people are trapped in madness.

Neuroscientist Paul McLean, who first described the triune, or tripartite, model of the brain back in the 1960s, talked about it in more detail in his 1990 book The Triune Brain in Evolution. Here short description each structure and its functionality.

First, the basic, ancient brain (sometimes called the reptile brain). He concentrates on what is necessary for survival: finding food, mating, escape from danger, attack.

The next part is the midbrain, the limbic system. It is found in all mammals and is responsible for emotions: joy, hate, the desire to protect, sadness, pleasure. And also for the formation of a bond between you and a partner or, for example, a child.

The last layer is the neocortex, the cerebral cortex, which is responsible for higher nervous activity. The most advanced structure of the three, it allows you to make optimal decisions, plan actions, and control impulses. Most importantly, it is thanks to the neocortex that you assess the situation objectively, not subjectively.

These different parts of the brain have evolved sequentially, which is why they are located in layers, one above the other.

When you are born, all three parts of the brain are already in your body. If you're lucky, healthy connections form between them over time that allow you to coordinate survival instincts, emotions, and logical thought processes. In this case, each of the three structures can, at the right time, take control of what is happening, but at the same time, the most developed evolutionary neocortex will be in charge of all the processes. I call it triune flexibility... If you have it, you are able to approach the situation from one side, and when new circumstances are discovered, you can think about another option and successfully cope with some task in the new reality.

With triune flexibility, you easily adapt to circumstances and gain the ability to cope even with major setbacks and real tragedies. Sometimes you still lose your head when the disorder causes a temporary desynchronization of three parts of the brain, but quickly bounce back.

What happens if the experience of early life led to less healthy connections between parts of the brain? If your parents criticized you harshly as an adult, you will begin to think something like this: "It is not entirely safe to say what you think." If this happens often, then you will believe that the world is a disturbing place, and you will be afraid and pinched not only when communicating with a critic, but also with other people.

Then your three parts of the brain are blocked and unite only in such a way, as if you constantly see your parent in front of you, hear criticism in your address and think that it is not safe to give the wrong answer. And if, for example, a school teacher asks you a question, you are silent or answer: "I do not know." Your brain is trapped triune rigidity so in any situation that reminds you of a criticizing parent, your feelings, thoughts, and actions will slide down to the same recurring scenario. In psychology, this is called by transfer, or transfer because you transfer thoughts and feelings about the person who is not there to the one with whom you interact here and now.

In conditions of triune rigidity, your three brains are united in a reality far from the one in which you exist at the moment. You start to mistakenly use old techniques in conditions in which they do not make sense, and become unable to correct your behavior in the future. Result? Chronic insane behavior: You repeat the same actions over and over again and expect that new reality will still turn into the old one, where such behavior brought success.

Font: Less Aa More Aa

Published with permission from AMACOM, a division of the American Management Association, International

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form whatsoever without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

Dedicated to the blessed memory of Warren Bennis, who five minutes after meeting me made it clear that he would never hurt me. I admire this quality and try to adopt it.

Part 1. Basic principles of communication with psychos

To reach irrational people, you need to know why they behave this way.

Also, you need to understand why reasoned discussion and logical reasoning don't work, as opposed to empathy and immersion in the problem.

Chapter 1. Understanding the Mad

But recently an interesting thought came to me: I expect to meet a psycho every day, because this is my job. However, I suddenly realized how often you have to deal with crazy people - not jumping off balconies or intimidating Britney Spears, but those whom I call everyday loonies.

That's what this book is about: how do you talk to psychos. Speaking of the word "psycho": I understand that it sounds provocative and politically incorrect. But when I use it, I am not referring to mentally ill people (although mental disorders, of course, provoke insane behavior - see part 5). Also, I do not use the word "psycho" to stigmatize this or that group of people. Because any of us at some point is capable of behaving like crazy. By "crazy" or "crazy" I mean that the person is behaving irrationally. There are four signs that the people you are dealing with are irrational:

1) they do not have a clear picture of the world;

2) they say or do things that don't make sense;

3) they make decisions or take actions not in their own interests;

4) when you try to put them back on the path of prudence, they become completely unbearable.

Key: Become a Psycho yourself

After one of the most disgusting days of my life, on the way home, I focused on the trouble that had befallen me and drove the car on autopilot. Unfortunately for me, all of this happened during an extremely dangerous rush hour for California. At some point, I accidentally cut a pickup truck in which a big man and his wife were sitting. He honked angrily and I waved my hand to show that I apologize. But then - just a couple of kilometers later - I cut it again.

Then the man overtook me and abruptly stopped the truck in front of my car, forcing me to pull over to the side of the road. When I slowed down, I saw his wife gesturing frantically, asking him not to get out of the car.

Of course, he did not pay attention to her and after a few moments was already on the road - under two meters in height and weighing 140 kilograms. He abruptly approached me and began to knock on the glass, shouting curses.

I was so overwhelmed that I even lowered the glass to hear it. Then I waited for him to pause to pour more bile over me afterwards. And when he paused to catch his breath, I told him, “Have you ever had such a terrible day that you just hoped that someone would pull out a gun, shoot you, and end all suffering? Is this someone you? "

His jaw dropped. "What?" - he asked.

Up to this point, I have behaved very stupidly. But suddenly I did something brilliant. In some incredible way, despite my clouded mind, I said exactly what was needed.

I did not try to come to an agreement with this frightening man - most likely, instead of answering, he would have pulled me out of the car and hit me in the face with his huge fist. I didn't try to resist. I just got as crazy and hit him with his own weapon.

He stared at me and I spoke again: “Yes, I'm serious. I don't usually cut people, and I never cut someone twice before. It's just that today is such a day when it doesn't matter what I do or who I meet - including you! - everything goes awry. Will you become the person who will mercifully end my existence? "

He immediately changed, calmed down and began to cheer me up: “Hey. What are you, boy, - he said. - Everything will be OK. Honestly! Relax, everyone has bad days. "

I continued my tirade: “It's easy for you to say! You didn't ruin everything you touched today, unlike me. I don’t think that anything will be good for me. Will you help me?" He continued enthusiastically: “No, really. I am not kidding! Everything will be alright. Have a rest". We talked for a few more minutes. Then he returned to the truck, said something to his wife and waved me in the mirror, as if to say: “Remember. Calm down. Everything will be fine". And he left.

Now I am not proud of this story. To be honest, the guy in the pickup truck wasn't the only irrational person on the road that day. But here's what I'm getting at. That big guy could have knocked my lungs off. And, perhaps, I would have done it if I tried to reason with him or argue with him. But I met him in his reality, where I was a bad person and he had every reason to hit me. Instinctively using a technique that I call aggressive submission(see chapter 8), I turned him from enemy to ally in less than a minute.

Moreover, I know it will work for you too. The psycho mask is a strategy you can use with any irrational person. For example, to talk:

With a partner who yells at you or refuses to talk to you;

With a child screaming "I hate you!" or “I hate myself!”;

With an aging parent who thinks you don't give a damn about him;

With an employee who is constantly limp at work;

With a manager who tries to hurt you all the time.

A cycle of prudence instead of a fight-or-flight policy

I'm going to teach you how to work with madness in a completely different way using a six-step process. I call it the “cycle of prudence” (Figure 1.1).

Rice. 1.1. The cycle of prudence

Here's what you need to do at each step of this cycle.

6. When the person has calmed down, help him to take more intelligent actions.

These steps are the foundation of most of the psychological techniques I will teach you (although variations are possible: for example, when dealing with bullies, manipulators, or psychopaths).

Chapter 2. Recognizing the mechanism of insanity

To successfully talk to psychos, you need to understand why irrational people behave this way. And the first step in that direction is to admit that they are a lot more nutty than you thought.

However, I think that this is how you communicate with everyday psychos. For some reason it seems to you that you can easily reason with them. For example, you probably use phrases like this.

"Calm down - you're overreacting."

"That doesn't make any sense."

“You can't really believe it. Here are the facts. "

"Come back to earth, this is complete nonsense!"

"Wait ... how did you even think of this?"

Scientific basis of madness

To understand psychos, you need to know at least a general outline of how insanity develops. Now I will talk a little about the work of consciousness and how we go crazy.

Neuroscientist Paul McLean, who first described the triune, or tripartite, model of the brain back in the 1960s, talked about it in more detail in his 1990 book The Triune Brain in Evolution. Here is a short description of each structure and its functionality.

First, the basic, ancient brain (sometimes called the reptile brain). He concentrates on what is necessary for survival: finding food, mating, escape from danger, attack.

These different parts of the brain have evolved sequentially, which is why they are located in layers, one above the other.

In conditions of triune rigidity, your three brains are united in a reality far from the one in which you exist at the moment. You start to mistakenly use old techniques in conditions in which they do not make sense, and become unable to correct your behavior in the future. Result? Chronic insane behavior: you repeat the same actions over and over again and expect that the new reality will nevertheless turn into the old one, where such behavior brought success.

Three paths to insanity (and one to sanity)

Since insanity is preceded by an imbalance in the functioning of individual areas of the brain, then it is necessary to work with this state not from the outside - trying to reason with the irrational person with facts, but from the inside. To do this, it is worth understanding how the main forms of insanity are embedded in our behavior already in the early years of life.

First, there are congenital factors. For example, if a person has inherited genes that cause a tendency to anxiety, pessimism, excessive emotionality, then his path to insanity will be somewhat shorter than in other cases.

Secondly - and this is an equally important factor - childhood impressions and experiences seriously affect the state of the psyche in subsequent years. I will now give you a few examples.

Life is a constant movement towards the unknown. Taking the next step into the unknown, we are faced with problems, in connection with which we feel either joyful excitement, then anxiety, and sometimes both at once. Sometimes it seems to us that we are too far away from the familiar and safe environment, as a result of which we have separation anxiety.

Over time, we learn to overcome such anxiety - and we are faced with a new type of anxiety, which is called individualization: childhood leaves, and we begin to worry if we will be able to safely overcome growing up and become successful in adulthood. This is a normal stage in psychological development.

During this period of development, we are especially sensitive to the behavior of people close to us. Taking a successful step forward, we always look back and wait for extremely important words like “well done, you are doing it!”. And if we encounter an obstacle, then we expect confirmation from loved ones that there is nothing terrible and it is quite normal to step back and try again. Development is always realized as a series of trial and error: a couple of steps forward, then a small step back. This process is shown schematically in Fig. 2.1.

Rice. 2.1. Personal development

But what if we don't get the support we need at a difficult time? In the face of uncertainty, we lose confidence, less often achieve success, more often make mistakes. It turns out that after every couple of steps forward, we already take three steps back. By assimilating such a pattern of behavior, a person loses the ability to develop and adapt, becomes isolated within the inert trinity of the main zones of the brain and, as a result, becomes, to one degree or another, a psycho.

There are three wrong paths that lead to insanity, and one way to keep your sanity. Let's discuss each of them.

Mistake # 1: being spoiled

Have you come across people who constantly complain about something, try to manipulate or expect a standing ovation for any reason? Chances are they are already on their way to insanity.

Pampering is formed in different ways. This sometimes happens when a parent or guardian rushes to comfort the child whenever he gets upset. It happens that adults praise children too much or justify even the most ugly behavior. Such adults do not understand that pampering is not the same as showing love and care. A child accustomed to such treatment is doomed to experience a nervous breakdown whenever others do not show sufficient enthusiasm for him.

Those who were overly indulged in childhood develop a kind of madness, when a person in any situation easily convinces himself: "Someone will do everything for me." Such people believe they will be successful and happy without any effort. They often develop unhealthy addictive behavior, because the main goal is to fight bad mood, and not to find a constructive solution to emerging problems.

Have you ever dealt with people who are angry and blame others for any reason? It is possible that, while seeking support at an early age, they received only criticism in return. They were in pain; the pain quickly turned into anger.

Mistake # 2: criticism

Children, who are constantly scolded and criticized, try to take revenge as adolescents, doing what the adults around them feel ashamed of. Often, such young people also resort to more sophisticated ways to vent their anger: they aggressively suppress others, behave inadvertently while driving, cut themselves, or are addicted to piercings.

What happens when such a person is faced with a problem? He feels like a victim, but since his most familiar pattern of behavior involves only blame and criticism, he begins to do just that, losing his ability to forgive over time and becoming more and more embittered.

Since these children were endlessly scolded in childhood, their madness over the years takes the following form: "No matter what I do, I will never be worthy of approval." And even when they succeed, they do not allow themselves to enjoy the moment and wait for the inevitable return to the usual cycle. It's obvious that the world causes them more and more rejection and anger.

Mistake # 3: ignoring

When a person rejects any idea, because he is sure that nothing will come of it, we can safely assume that in childhood, the adults around him for the most part ignored him and, perhaps, were prone to narcissism. It is also possible that they were simply terribly exhausted, overwhelmed with worries, or even sick. This also happens with adoptive parents, if in their hearts they are not particularly interested in the child.

Here the child won another victory and looks back at the adults in order to share the triumph with them - but he sees that they did not notice anything at all. Or the child has failed and is waiting for support - and the adults are busy with their own affairs or problems. The child becomes scared, and, what is especially bad, he begins to realize that he is left alone with his fear. So a person becomes a pessimist, ready in advance for defeat and convinced that nothing worthwhile will ever come out of any idea. Trying new things becomes more and more difficult, because you can make a mistake and again find yourself alone with fear, the fight with which he lost as a child.

The form of madness of such people: "I will neither try nor take risks."

Ideal scenario: support

Think of the smartest and most balanced people you know, whom you would call wise, kind, pleasant, stable, and emotionally intelligent. From my experience, I conclude that emotional stability was formed in such people as early as childhood.

Rice. 2.2. Formation of personality

They were lucky: every time after a victory or defeat, one of the adults - parents, teachers, mentors - provided the necessary support. These people were neither spoiled, nor suppressed by criticism, and did not suffer from lack of attention. The adults taught, guided and helped. At the same time, adults are not required to be ideal in everything - otherwise, children who have grown into balanced and wise adults would be in short supply. But adults must provide what I call an adequate level of care for the child.

When surrounded by such adults, children grow up confident. Faced with difficulties, such a person says to himself: "I can handle it." And all because even in childhood he always had the support of loving adults - and it was imprinted in the subconscious. Having failed, these people do not complain, blame anyone, or withdraw into themselves. They maintain a fighting spirit, acting on the principle: "Hold on, peace, I'm coming!"

Sometimes they also behave like crazy - this happens to all of us. But for them, insanity is only a temporary state.

(By the way, even if your parents did not support you enough in childhood, there is hope. A good coach or teacher will now help you find a healthy attitude - this is exactly what happened with me. So if in childhood you were scolded, pampered or ignored a lot, look for people able to give you the support you need now.)

(€ 5,26 )

Published with permission from AMACOM, a division of the American Management Association, International

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form whatsoever without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

Dedicated to the blessed memory of Warren Bennis, who five minutes after meeting me made it clear that he would never hurt me. I admire this quality and try to adopt it.

Part 1. Basic principles of communication with psychos

To reach irrational people, you need to know why they behave this way.

Also, you need to understand why reasoned discussion and logical reasoning don't work, as opposed to empathy and immersion in the problem.

Chapter 1. Understanding the Mad

But recently an interesting thought came to me: I expect to meet a psycho every day, because this is my job. However, I suddenly realized how often you have to deal with crazy people - not jumping off balconies or intimidating Britney Spears, but those whom I call everyday loonies.

1) they do not have a clear picture of the world;

2) they say or do things that don't make sense;

3) they make decisions or take actions not in their own interests;

4) when you try to put them back on the path of prudence, they become completely unbearable.

Key: Become a Psycho yourself

After one of the most disgusting days of my life, on the way home, I focused on the trouble that had befallen me and drove the car on autopilot. Unfortunately for me, all of this happened during an extremely dangerous rush hour for California. At some point, I accidentally cut a pickup truck in which a big man and his wife were sitting. He honked angrily and I waved my hand to show that I apologize. But then - just a couple of kilometers later - I cut it again.

Then the man overtook me and abruptly stopped the truck in front of my car, forcing me to pull over to the side of the road. When I slowed down, I saw his wife gesturing frantically, asking him not to get out of the car.

Of course, he did not pay attention to her and after a few moments was already on the road - under two meters in height and weighing 140 kilograms. He abruptly approached me and began to knock on the glass, shouting curses.

I was so overwhelmed that I even lowered the glass to hear it. Then I waited for him to pause to pour more bile over me afterwards. And when he paused to catch his breath, I told him, “Have you ever had such a terrible day that you just hoped that someone would pull out a gun, shoot you, and end all suffering? Is this someone you? "

His jaw dropped. "What?" - he asked.

Up to this point, I have behaved very stupidly. But suddenly I did something brilliant. In some incredible way, despite my clouded mind, I said exactly what was needed.

I did not try to come to an agreement with this frightening man - most likely, instead of answering, he would have pulled me out of the car and hit me in the face with his huge fist. I didn't try to resist. I just got as crazy and hit him with his own weapon.

He stared at me and I spoke again: “Yes, I'm serious. I don't usually cut people, and I never cut someone twice before. It's just that today is such a day when it doesn't matter what I do or who I meet - including you! - everything goes awry. Will you become the person who will mercifully end my existence? "

He immediately changed, calmed down and began to cheer me up: “Hey. What are you, boy, - he said. - Everything will be OK. Honestly! Relax, everyone has bad days. "

I continued my tirade: “It's easy for you to say! You didn't ruin everything you touched today, unlike me. I don’t think that anything will be good for me. Will you help me?" He continued enthusiastically: “No, really. I am not kidding! Everything will be alright. Have a rest". We talked for a few more minutes. Then he returned to the truck, said something to his wife and waved me in the mirror, as if to say: “Remember. Calm down. Everything will be fine". And he left.

Now I am not proud of this story. To be honest, the guy in the pickup truck wasn't the only irrational person on the road that day. But here's what I'm getting at. That big guy could have knocked my lungs off. And, perhaps, I would have done it if I tried to reason with him or argue with him. But I met him in his reality, where I was a bad person and he had every reason to hit me. Instinctively using a technique that I call aggressive submission(see chapter 8), I turned him from enemy to ally in less than a minute.

Moreover, I know it will work for you too. The psycho mask is a strategy you can use with any irrational person. For example, to talk:

With a partner who yells at you or refuses to talk to you;

With a child screaming "I hate you!" or “I hate myself!”;

With an aging parent who thinks you don't give a damn about him;

With an employee who is constantly limp at work;

With a manager who tries to hurt you all the time.

A cycle of prudence instead of a fight-or-flight policy

I'm going to teach you how to work with madness in a completely different way using a six-step process. I call it the “cycle of prudence” (Figure 1.1).

Rice. 1.1. The cycle of prudence

Here's what you need to do at each step of this cycle.

6. When the person has calmed down, help him to take more intelligent actions.

These steps are the foundation of most of the psychological techniques I will teach you (although variations are possible: for example, when dealing with bullies, manipulators, or psychopaths).

Chapter 2. Recognizing the mechanism of insanity

To successfully talk to psychos, you need to understand why irrational people behave this way. And the first step in that direction is to admit that they are a lot more nutty than you thought.

However, I think that this is how you communicate with everyday psychos. For some reason it seems to you that you can easily reason with them. For example, you probably use phrases like this.

"Calm down - you're overreacting."

"That doesn't make any sense."

“You can't really believe it. Here are the facts. "

"Come back to earth, this is complete nonsense!"

"Wait ... how did you even think of this?"

Scientific basis of madness

To understand psychos, you need to know at least a general outline of how insanity develops. Now I will talk a little about the work of consciousness and how we go crazy.

Neuroscientist Paul McLean, who first described the triune, or tripartite, model of the brain back in the 1960s, talked about it in more detail in his 1990 book The Triune Brain in Evolution. Here is a short description of each structure and its functionality.

First, the basic, ancient brain (sometimes called the reptile brain). He concentrates on what is necessary for survival: finding food, mating, escape from danger, attack.

These different parts of the brain have evolved sequentially, which is why they are located in layers, one above the other.

In conditions of triune rigidity, your three brains are united in a reality far from the one in which you exist at the moment. You start to mistakenly use old techniques in conditions in which they do not make sense, and become unable to correct your behavior in the future. Result? Chronic insane behavior: you repeat the same actions over and over again and expect that the new reality will nevertheless turn into the old one, where such behavior brought success.

Three paths to insanity (and one to sanity)

Secondly - and this is an equally important factor - childhood impressions and experiences seriously affect the state of the psyche in subsequent years. I will now give you a few examples.

Rice. 2.1. Personal development

There are three wrong paths that lead to insanity, and one way to keep your sanity. Let's discuss each of them.

Mistake # 1: being spoiled

Have you come across people who constantly complain about something, try to manipulate or expect a standing ovation for any reason? Chances are they are already on their way to insanity.

Mistake # 2: criticism

Since these children were endlessly scolded in childhood, their madness over the years takes the following form: "No matter what I do, I will never be worthy of approval." And even when they succeed, they do not allow themselves to enjoy the moment and wait for the inevitable return to the usual cycle. It is obvious that the world around them causes more and more rejection and anger in them.

Mistake # 3: ignoring

The form of madness of such people: "I will neither try nor take risks."

Ideal scenario: support

Rice. 2.2. Formation of personality

Sometimes they also behave like crazy - this happens to all of us. But for them, insanity is only a temporary state.

Warren Bennis (1925–2014) is a psychologist, consultant, and leadership guru and author of books on the topic. See, for example, the Russian edition: Bennis W., Thomas R. How to Become Leaders. M .: Williams, 2006. Approx. ed.

Emotional intelligence - the ability of a person to recognize emotions, understand the intentions and desires of others and their own, and also manage their emotions and the emotions of others in order to solve practical tasks... See, for example, the Russian edition: Goleman D... Emotional intelligence. M .: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013. Approx. per.

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Mark Goulston: How to talk to motherfuckers. How to talk to m * daks. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life Mark Goulston How to talk to m * duck. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life

What to DO with liars and manipulators

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Mark Goulston How to talk to m * daks. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life

* * *

This book is well complemented by:

Part 1 Basic principles of dealing with psychos

Chapter 1 We understand the crazy

Chapter 2 Recognizing the mechanism of insanity

* * *

Part 1. Basic principles of communication with psychos

Chapter 1. Understanding the Mad

Key: Become a Psycho yourself

A cycle of prudence instead of a fight-or-flight policy

Chapter 2. Recognizing the mechanism of insanity

Scientific basis of madness

Three paths to insanity (and one to sanity)

* * *

Part 1. Basic principles of communication with psychos

Chapter 1. Understanding the Mad

Key: Become a Psycho yourself

A cycle of prudence instead of a fight-or-flight policy

Chapter 2. Recognizing the mechanism of insanity

Scientific basis of madness

Three paths to insanity (and one to sanity)

Mark Goulston
How to talk to m * daks. What to do with inadequate and unbearable people in your life

Part 1
Basic principles of dealing with psychos

Chapter 1
We understand the crazy

Chapter 2
Recognizing the mechanism of insanity